bengreer

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psychic

An engaging first chapter. A few grammar problems. I very much like the description Alpha gives of Bruce's mind. The architecture of it. However, I am not sure about the bubbling mud image. It seems too much. Giving stars only because I do not know how else to get the first chapter to you.

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the black river

I like the central idea: the river is cursed. The ancient water is a wonderful hook. You must work very hard on basic writing.

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the armored wolf

I agree with most of the comments made by Iria. You must work on basic writing: verb tense, repetition, over explanation, show-don't tell, more scenes and dialogue and action. I like very much the world you are creating. I also like the hints of the supernatural world which is to come. You could have thrown us into a snarling pack, but you are too good a writer for that. I admire your patience which creates verisimilitude. This story reminds me of TWILIGHT, but it is your story told in your way. A good opening. Keep writing!

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fight til death

This is what I wanted to see. The backstory, The first chap begins so wildly with no explanations. I would give us some of the terror in the first chap and then go to the backstory. In horror timing and explanation is everything, otherwise we are confused and do not care about the characters. Study a good horror novel like Pet Cemetery. Half of writing is STUDYING other books. I hope this helps. There is real potential here.

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fighting for life

You have a gift for gore. Most writers do not. You also are able to evoke a sense of unrelenting action. This too is a gift. Things to consider: Slow down. Don't give so much so fast. More description. Develop your characters. I never did understand the backseat people. Again your great strength is action but you must temper it. I know you can do it!

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Ray of Sunshine

I was Director of the MFA Program at a major U for years.. I am still amazed you can write this well in a second language. Here are some tips to improve: Grammar. Develop your paragraphs. Stay with each character longer. Avoid cliches, adverbs, and easy writing. Read, read, read. I often recommend the Sun Also Rises by E. Hemingway. Good luck!

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Great Read!

A truly gripping story.

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