Brendan McNamee

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Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

all caps

Your story has some lovely vernacular twists in the lines. There is a very conversational flow to it, but it is riddled with grammar and spelling mistakes which is a shame. The poor grammar jolts the reader from the story and i found it difficult to follow what you wanted to say and when. Many of your characters speak in questions..? Be careful that you have a lot of Caps at the beginning of words in the middle of sentences, this could be a formatting issue i'm not sure, but it is very distracting. I would suggest getting a good edit in and really grinding away at some of those passages, because their is a nice seam of jewels hidden. I hope this was helpful, sorry if it is not what you wanted to hear.

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