Needs major work
This definitely seems like something a teen might write, which isn't bad thing in itself but because of that fact it really lacks plot development, character development, story arc, meaningful dialogue, etc. I have a really really hard time caring about any of the characters, because we are never given a chance to get to know them. This almost feels like a long synopsis of a book, not a story on it's own because there's no meat, just a skeleton of the story, That may sound harsh, but honestly if the author took some more time to enhance the characters, more getting to know them or even showing how the two characters are truly in love before the part where they are torn apart, I think it would make this story far more enjoyable.
There's no imagery or description of anything besides opinions like "it sucks, people suck" etc. I want to be able to "see" what the characters are doing and experiencing. I can tell the author is new to writing and is still developing their "voice", just keep working on it. It should feel almost like a conversation and should flow. Read it out loud. If it sounds strange coming out of your mouth then rewrite it accordingly.
It had an interesting twist at the end, but again I didn't feel emotionally connected to the characters so it fell flat. This story has potential but as it is right now feels unfinished.
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