Charles Howell

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A good start

I'm looking forward to seeing where this is going.

being a first draft, there are some things that are just told in dialogue hat could be shown, or have the dialogue updated at least.

I hope the author keeps updating it.

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Waiting for more...

The author has a wonderful mind - one that can see possibilities and translate them to the page.

Actually, I was wanting for more pages. I think this story could be developed to novel length. I think Kiri is a great protagonist. The story felt to me like a cross between Ayn Rand's ANTHEM and the old movie Logan's Run.

There were the occasional misspelling and grammatical , and I would have liked more showing and less telling, but this is obviously a work in progress.

And I will be happy to re-read this story through each of them.

L.M. Bloom has definite room for improvement with a few writing skills, but, as a STORYTELLER, has a way of grabbing on to you -keeping you in the story.

This is an author I will keep following!

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Overall Rating
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Good Read

There were a few places where the sentences were jumbled, but I know first-hand how things can get messed up when pasting into Inkitt.

I'm sure if I wanted to pick apart grammar, I could find some things to say, but for me, I judge a story by how much of it I don't remember the act of reading. When page turning becomes an automatic action and the words on the page dissolve into the story I see in my mind, I know I've found a good story.

Hleo kept me engaged.

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Just started

I've read the first 5 chapters so far. Not really a world that I can relate to, but the story is written in a straightforward style, and has kept my interest. Looking forward to finishing it!

Just read another 8 chapters. I'm definitely getting involved with the characters. Looking forward to reading more!

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