C.L.Brierley

Manchester, UK

Hi I'm Caryce or C. Northerner🐝 Circus🎪 The Script🎶 Films🍿 ITB⚔️ Cats & Dogs 🐱🐶 I will read/review for a read/review from you first 😁 Writers should support writers! NO SELF-ADS ON MY WALL! ✌️🏻

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Good idea but needs work

The idea for the story is brill, but it needs a lot more building of scenes, descriptions of characters and the structure of the story needs work. Set out your paragraphs so that you start a new one when someone new speaks or there is change of scene. There are a couple of little typos and places where sentences could be broken up to flow better, but a good start!

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Amazing!

Really interesting story that grips the reader’s attention! There are a few typos, grammar and punctuation mistakes that need to be fixed, and it is a little long so maybe break the story up into a few parts. Good job though!

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Great

The idea for the story is interesting and the first chapter is really engaging. It moves to fast though in the next chapters and they are way too long. Slow things down. Also you need to develop the relationships between Serenity and her new friends, they are moving way too fast. I do like her personality though and gritty zero fs given attitude. There needs to be more descriptive in the characters other than hair, body and eyes. And you repeated Serenity admiring Ryder’s eyes in chapter 2. Try not to do that as it feels forced. As well as that there are many typos, grammar, punctuation and layout problems that you should look at. Lastly, great idea keep working at it!

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Wonderful

This story’s world, layout and society is set up excellently. The mysterious dream in the opening is one that gets used a lot, maybe a little bit more to that in the description of the dream could help it stand out even more? The story does move at a slower pace, but the building of the world and introduction of the main character and the story itself being told makes up for it. Keep it up!

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Excellent

Great setting, great intro! Really gets the reader hooked! A good read for those who like Kpop ad gang AU stories. I think you could maybe describe some of the other characters a little bit more. Keep it up!

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Good idea, but needs a lot of work

There are a lot of grammar and punctuation mistakes that need to be tied up. You should also make the story parts longer. Make them more descriptive, Add more development to Mary's character and to her relationship with Dean as the story goes on. It is a high school romance so don't be afraid to add more fluffy romantic moments, but let the romance build over time.

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Good!

Very good description and opening to the story, it really keeps the reader's attention, but there are many places were there are punctuation errors, capital letters where there shouldn't be, and the paragraphs are a little short at times. Good job though! Keep it up!

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Good start

It starts off well moving at a very steady pace, the two characters are very distinct and you have the history and lore is this universe laid out clearly. There are however times we're the wording of things could be changed go make smoother. Some words could be changed, some removed all together. There are also some little grammar errors. Good start though!

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Amazing!

This story well written. It moves at just the right pace, there is drama, passion, and tension you could cut with a knife. Just fix the odd grammar and typo mistakes, maybe look at the word ordered and paragraph layout and it will be perfect. Maybe add a little bit more description to the characters too. I love the line 'London is different than Los Angeles. It is colder. But for me it is definitely warmer than the icy cold American dream.'

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Brilliant!

A spooky tale indeed. Loved the atmosphere! There are a lot of punctuation mistakes and the odd typo but nothing major. Well done!

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Gripping!

Oh, nelly! This is one story that keeps the reader gripped! The mystery around Elizabeth and her dangerous and obsessive admirer. There are times however where semi-colons are being used when they shouldn't and times where they are used too much. There are paragraphs that are too small, some sentences are too long and need to be broken up to be snappier, and the layout is a bit all over the place. Also, this line 'Midnight curls clung to the arch of her pale neck' that I think needs to be changed. Not sure what you are trying to say here. The line in the description, 'threatens to shatter her broken heart' I think needs to be changed to sometime more like 'threatens to shatter what is left of her already decimated heart' I do love the use of Latin and the quotes in the story. You really understand what Elizabeth feels when she finds the body! Keep it up!

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Fabulous

This story is a good read for those wanting drama and passion.

Plot - The tragedy of Alena husband is heartbreaking and discovering that he was murdered is a shock. It is interesting to see this kind of story where the woman is in charge instead of the man. Good to have a mistress! However, I think that it is rushed. There needs to be more of a build-up of tension to keep the reader gripped. I know it is erotica, but it does make me a bit confused that Alena who is supposed to be still struggling with the death of her husband suddenly jumping on Quentin. The part where she says her husband's name instead is tragic, but it needs to be built up more. Yes, she is kind, but there is no way she should be making out with him in seconds. She should be being a little cold with him before she thaws out by passion. Build it up! Tease the reader more!

Characters - Alena is sweet. You can see she is truly broken-hearted by her loss and crying out for love. It is clear Quentin has been through some hardships also and needs love too. Jonathan, I am suspicious of, I think we need to know a little more about him.

Setting - The setting of this story is blurry. It is not at all clear what time period this story is set in. At first, going off the way Alena speaks you may think it is the turn of the century, but then you learn of modern technology which makes it unclear. The society around her with the rich people and bodyguards and the black market makes you wonder if it set in some kind of dystopian future. Also there are times where there could be more description for the setting just to help the reader picture the world the story is set in.

Grammar + Punctuation - Perfect.

Writing style - I feel there are times where you need to look at the layout of sentences to help them flow better. Some are too long and need to be broken up, others need to be changed to flow better and fit in with the whole of the paragraph better, Also there are times were some paragraphs are too small and could be brought together with other paragraphs.

Intro/Description thing - It needs to tell the reader a little more. Alena's full name, other stuff the black market sells, whereabouts in the world the farm and the story is set. Also the wording of the intro needs to be looked at again. It goes from talking about Alena's sister-in-law to the farm which feels shoe-horned in awkwardly.

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Great start

Short, attention-grabbing and filled with a mysterious mood that is a great start to this story. Keep it up!

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Excellent!

Really well written, characters are well established and the scene is set up excellently. Just check the titles of your chapters. Part one is numbered 2 and so on for the reader. Keep it up!

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Good

The passion, romance and feel is there, but there are grammar mistakes, typos, and punctuation problems that need fixing.

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Good start!

The relationship between Sam and Ash is brilliant and the intro to this story is strong. However, there are times were words are missing and sentences need to be rearranged to make the story flow better. Great start though!

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Brilliant!

Well, things escalate quickly meaning the reader will not at all be bored! Loved the use of the dream that repeated, really created mystery and intrigue. Just need some tying up, grammar, tenses, maybe look at the wording of sentences, but keep it up!

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Real potential but it needs work.

This is a story that has clearly been thought out, it is a fast-moving plot that keeps the reader’s interest, however in order for the reader to really get into it I think there needs to be work done on the following:
World building, don't give everything away right away but epic fantasy stories do need the right set up.
Grammar, punctuation and uses of tenses. The lack of speech marks can make things confusing but if you are wanting to write in the style of a script that does make more sense.
Character development. We don't need to know all the names of the knights right away, but if they are key to this voyage they do all need to be distinct, as does the king and prince. Give them brief descriptions on their appearances to help the reader imagine the story in their mind.

Apart from that it is brilliant with excellent potential, keep it up!

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Fab!

It's sweet and passionate, but I think you could build on that passion a lot more. I love how they meet, and how crazy his wolf titan went. There are many little punctuation mistakes that need to be tied up. Fantastic though!

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