C.L.Brierley

Manchester, UK 🇬🇧

Hi I'm Caryce or C. Northerner🐝Circus🎪The Script🎶Films🍿ITB⚔️Cats & Dogs🐱🐶 Love doing honest review swaps if you go first📝 Respect, Equality, Tolerance, Peace & Love❤️ NO SELF-PROMO! Let's chat✌️🏻

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A wonderful read

As a mythology nerd, I saw this and grinned right away. The clever use of Egyptian myth and bits of Arthurian legend is awesome. The opening line if the description gets a chuckle out of the reader and sets the tone well. I would change Enyo to former friend or ex-friend as he imprisoned her and destroyed the rest of her life.

Good opening to the story, your descriptions are good and your sentences aren't too long or short. Right away we learn about Algea’s character, but I feel that bit does drag a little bit. In the second part, should barbecue not be barbecues unless she is talking about the sauce? I like barbecue sauce and that made me want it. Your paragraph sizes are a little mixed, some are too small, some too big, so I'd look at those again.

Love that you featured Ammit’s children, and the fact you got her appearance bang on shows you did your research! Make sure you use capital letters for their name though. I loved also that you featured that the victim’s bodies don't get mummified being the worst thing. It further ties this to times and traditions of Ancient Egypt and is just a nice little touch.

There are a couple of times where you don’t start a new line where there is a new speaker in a couple of chapters. The description of the guards is a little fuzzy and I’d look it over again just so the reader can distinguish the two easier. Seth’s character is well set up, and him freaking out over magic is funny. Love that he’s not the typical big strong hero that Algea doesn’t become the damsel in distress for.

There are a couple of times where more descriptive words would help make things more detailed here and there in chapter 3. I love how you go back and forth between the two povs of the characters so well and I have to say that yes this story does have some similarities in how it uses mythology like the Percy Jackson books, it is by no means a rip off (saying this incase someone says that it is, there will always be one sadly but it is completely untrue). In fact fans of that will love this! The story progress well and moves at just the right pace. A brilliant read!

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Good idea but needs work

The idea of the story is both sweet and interesting and definitely keeps the reader’s attention. I love Audra’s character too. I feel though you could do more to make Colton’s feeling for her a bit more believable other than ‘she’s different’. Your paragraph lay out needs work. Remember to start a new paragraph when someone speaks and to not add the speech on at the end. Also there are times when the names of Colton’s friends are changed which is confusing and you need to fix your tenses as there are times you go between past and presence. Your descriptions were good too clean clear and not too length.👍🏻

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Good but needs work

The story moves at a good place but there are many grammar problems with it as well as punctuation. Look at your paragraph lay out too they are too small. Try adding more to the descriptions and try to start sentences where Stella is doing something with something other that ’I’. Good start though.

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Good

Excellent descriptions and interesting characters. The story does have a bit of an Arthurian legend feel to it which I liked. I would say not to start the summary with a quote and to maybe look at your paragraphs again as they are a bit all over the place in terms of layout.

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Amazing

The idea for this story is very creative and you get a clear understanding of what is going to happen from the description. There are times where sentences are too long and need to be split up or reworded to make it flow better. Your paragraphs are set out well but there are times when they could be put together better. Also there are a few typos and punctuation errors but nothing too major. The main character is likeable and the dragon is awesome! Keep it up.

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Amazing!

Really interesting story that grips the reader’s attention! There are a few typos, grammar and punctuation mistakes that need to be fixed, and it is a little long so maybe break the story up into a few parts. Good job though!

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Great

The idea for the story is interesting and the first chapter is really engaging. It moves to fast though in the next chapters and they are way too long. Slow things down. Also you need to develop the relationships between Serenity and her new friends, they are moving way too fast. I do like her personality though and gritty zero fs given attitude. There needs to be more descriptive in the characters other than hair, body and eyes. And you repeated Serenity admiring Ryder’s eyes in chapter 2. Try not to do that as it feels forced. As well as that there are many typos, grammar, punctuation and layout problems that you should look at. Lastly, great idea keep working at it!

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Wonderful

This story’s world, layout and society is set up excellently. The mysterious dream in the opening is one that gets used a lot, maybe a little bit more to that in the description of the dream could help it stand out even more? The story does move at a slower pace, but the building of the world and introduction of the main character and the story itself being told makes up for it. Keep it up!

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Excellent

Great setting, great intro! Really gets the reader hooked! A good read for those who like Kpop ad gang AU stories. I think you could maybe describe some of the other characters a little bit more. Keep it up!

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Good idea, but needs a lot of work

There are a lot of grammar and punctuation mistakes that need to be tied up. You should also make the story parts longer. Make them more descriptive, Add more development to Mary's character and to her relationship with Dean as the story goes on. It is a high school romance so don't be afraid to add more fluffy romantic moments, but let the romance build over time.

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Good!

Very good description and opening to the story, it really keeps the reader's attention, but there are many places were there are punctuation errors, capital letters where there shouldn't be, and the paragraphs are a little short at times. Good job though! Keep it up!

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Good start

It starts off well moving at a very steady pace, the two characters are very distinct and you have the history and lore is this universe laid out clearly. There are however times we're the wording of things could be changed go make smoother. Some words could be changed, some removed all together. There are also some little grammar errors. Good start though!

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A review poem

A talented poetry writer you are dear writer,

I enjoyed the emotions that really speak to the reader,

You spoke from the heart and that made the reader relate,

This book of poems is perfect except for the odd mistake,

You shared your thoughts and opinions beautifully and respectfully,

Which is good since we live in a world that has confrontation constantly,

The spaces sometimes between the lines are too big on the page,

But it may just be the way the app shows them being strange,

Also you sometimes miss important punctuation,

But that can easily be fixed by editing and quick correction,

Some poems are comments on serious matters,

Some are silly and just cause the reader laughter,

Everyone will have their own favourite one,

And this poetry book I’m sure is disliked by none.

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An emotional story of young love

This is a story that stems from a catastrophic event that shatters lives, and caused love to be found in an unlikely place. The description itself I felt was a little long but still set up the story well. Your paragraphs are a little bit short, but only by a couple of lines nothing major.

There are one or two times where you don't use the proper punctuation at the end of speech. Right away you get a truly heartbreaking understanding of the pain Amelia has been through. Anyone who has been to a funeral can really feel the emotion and relate to it in the description of Amelia’s boyfriend’s funeral. I do relate myself to how supportive and strong Nick is to her, and that along with his nickname ‘Mel’ is a clever way you have shown their closeness.

You can also understand why she feels so conflicted about her feelings for Nick, she is very emotional in the story and has been through a lot which makes it very believable, but also understand why she is finding solitude in him as no one else is supporting her or is there for her. I think you should get rid of the POV and just keep the name after each chapter number, it worked for Malorie Blackman and countless others.

Also, I would make sure the font is the same for all the chapter names just for the sake of being consistent. In chapter 2 there is oooone lonely little lowercase ’I’ that needs to be capital and towards the end, you need to start a new paragraph for the bit of speech. Nick’s thoughts on love and relationships and girls liking bad boys are very typical for a teenaged boy and almost comical at how obvious he is.

In chapter 3 there is some confusion about Amelia addressing her mother. She calls her Mom, Mum and Mother in a short space of time. Is she American or from another country that uses Mom or British or from another country that uses Mum? This being established will also help set the scene better for the reader.

In chapter 4 there is a typo with Nick’s name. I feel at times it would be good for the characters to share why Kellen did what he did. The fact that Kellen doesn't know how mean Amelia’s parents are does make the reader question how strong their relationship was. I think that should be changed as the minor detail will show their relationship’s strength and make how much his death has affected her to make sense.

I know this story is about Amelia and Nick but I think that small detail is important. The pave is very good and doesn't drag on which stories with a lot of emotion in them like this can risk doing. The flashback I think would work on its own chapter and would be made even better with a bit more to the descriptions. Overall this is a romance that stands out and is a lovely yet heartbreaking read.

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Good

Your description is attention-grabbing but the puncturion needs work and sentences need to be looked at again as they are too long in places. As a myth and legend fan/nerd, the mention of King Arthur made me smile. The description to me does give too much detail away, keep some secrets for later on in the book. The opening is interesting, a classic that reminds me of the Princess Bride. However, you need to add who is speaking where more after lines of speech as it can get a little confusing, and add some detail to what else is going on in the setting around the characters. There is a bit where you dip into first person then go back to third person too. You miss capital letters for Mars and need to add commas to your sentences as they are stretched too long or break them up into shorter sentences. Also are you giving names to your chapters or just numbers? Having ‘Chapter 1 Opening Day’ and the rest just ‘Chapter 2’ etc looks messy. The story does flow well and moves at a good pace, keep it up!

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Good

The description is a little long, but it definitely presents the story as not what you’d expect. I’d leave some stuff out to make it more mysterious. There are times where your sentences could be broken up with commas, and your tenses are muddled up sometimes. You could use commas instead of hyphens too as they are used too much. Sometimes you could put sentences together, ‘I searched the room again, more thoroughly this time’ in the prologue is one example of this. Your descriptions could be made better with a touch more detail, but they are still very good. Lastly, I would focus more on the spooky supernatural stuff that is going on with the story as it is at risk of being lost to the romance part.

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Brilliant

First things first you don't need to put the summary in the first chapter, I love that it is short and sweet but maybe add a little more detail. Also you miss important punctuation, and there are no proper paragraphs. There are just sentences which need to be put together into paragraphs to improve the layout. The way you described Asna’s parents contradicts too as first you say they are chilled but then you say her mother is strict. Your descriptions are good but I think they could have a bit more detail. The passion and sexy bits are hot though and I like that she is asking him out, it is refreshing. Keep it up!

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It's a sweet idea but it needs work

The story opens well and we learn a lot about Gia. Her new love develops well and it has parts that are not the typical teen love tale. But there are problems with punctuation and grammar as well as with sentence structure and there are times where sentences don't make sense completely. Keep working at it though 🖤

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Very good

This story’s main character Heidi is a very strong one, and it is clear she is a hard-working and successful woman. However, the story itself needs work. There are problems with grammar, tenses and also the wording of senses in some places don't make sense. Also your paragraphs are far too short and need to be added to by either more descriptions or by combining paragraphs.

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Good

It's a classic story of two outsiders finding each other. Lovely read, but the paragraphs were too short and a few problems with tenses.

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Very good but needs work

The opening of this story really grabs the reader and the mystery of what happens in the place it is set in keeps that fascination going. It goes along well with the main plot with the main characters. However, it is hard for the reader to really enjoy the story due to all the mistakes. There were countless problems with punctuation being we're it shouldn’t, lots of places where spaces should have been but weren't, and also capital letters missing where they should have been. You need to look at your paragraph layout also as it doesn't flow well and there are many places you didn't start a new paragraph when someone was speaking when you should have. Sort this all out and I guarantee it will be much better for the reader.

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Very sweet

This story has everything for a romantic story in a beautiful setting, and it is a believable story too. One thing I would say is look over your sentences a bit as they could flow smoother. Great story though.

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Extremely creative

Jake is a very loveable character that isn't the same old same old hero of the story from the start . The idea is so creative and I love how it low-key deals with issues that are actually very relevant to today. I would have another look at the paragraph lay out as there are many times it feels a bit off and doesn't flow well, and there are times when you don't start a new paragraph when there is a new speaker. Your descriptions are excellent though, good job!

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Sensational!

First of all so sorry for not doing this review for so long. I am a terrible reader...

But I must say this story was sensational! Absolutely sensational! The drama, passion, loved it all! The characters are all unique and believable, the world that is set up with the fantasy lores is carefully and clearly done. I also love and appreciate that you kept a lot of the parts of the traditional vampire lore but also made a few changes that made it believeable but not too many so that they are no longer vampires. I do also love the ghost family and the development of Victoria and Henry’s relationship is captivating. The only think I personally didn't like occasionally was that the story went a little bit too slowly for me. But apart from that it was brilliant! Hope it does great 👍🏻

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A relateable story but it needs work

Many, many, mistakes with grammar and punctuation, lower case I where there shouldn't be, spaces where there shouldn't be. Also your descriptions of the setting and characters aren't good which makes the story chapters extremely short. It is a good idea many people can relate to.

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Excellent idea but needs work

Good idea filled with mystery, but you need to look at the wording of a lot of the sentences. Many are awkward and sometimes there is past and present these. Also your paragraphs are not laid out well. Excellent idea though keep it up

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Needs work.

Although it is a sweet idea, the writing itself makes that story be lost. There are many punctuation mistakes, spaces where there shouldn't be, lower case Is when there should be capital Is. The story could be longer and moves too short, even short stories aren't this short. Also your descriptions could be more detailed to help make it longer. It is sweet though.

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Fabulous read for fantasy fans

An action pack book from start to finish with loveable badass characters. The supernatural side of it was brilliant with all the powers, and the plot was brill. At times the story could move a bit faster and the descriptions could be cut a little short to help that, and there a couple of minor grammar typos but nothing major. Also your paragraphs are a bit small, you could bunch them together a few times. But apart from that I loved it, so sorry it too me so long to do this review but I had the day off worked and read through it finally.

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Interesting idea but it needs work

The tribe are well ser up and plot moves well. Paragraphs are a but all over the place so maybe group them together better. Also there are problems with punctuation and spaces being where they shouldn't. You should try to set up the location though earlier on and your sentences at times are too short and could be worded better. Good start though.

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Needs work

There is no proper punctuation in this story which makes it hard to follow, also the lay out of it makes it feel more like a script than a story. If that is the case you need to get the proper punctuation and descriptions for a script in there. The descriptions themselves don’t give the reader much, but there were no spelling mistakes and your paragraphs weren’t too big, but sometimes they were too small. The relationship between Jake and Maria doesn’t seem good but also it needs to be set up more too for the reader, and show it through their actions don’t just tell the reader what they do.

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Good start but needs work

The story moves at a very fast pace, it is difficult for the read to keep up. Add more description to the characters and the setting. Also there are a lot of grammar mistakes, and your first part just says ’start writing here’. It is an interesting idea though and your description does have a mysterious feel that draws the reader in. Get rid of the emojis though they are distracting. Good start though 👍🏻

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Good start but needs work

You need to add more to the descriptions. Talk about their appearance more, what is around them etc. Also, the many POV changes in such a short time are disorientating you need to pick on character for this chapter then move on to another character in the next part. The suspense opening was good though, and your spelling and grammar was good except for a few little typos here and there.

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Good but needs work

Lots of grammar and punctuation problems that need fixing. Ella does come across as a strong girl but you need to describe her appearance better as well as the scene around her. The dialogue between her Aiden could be a bit more playful, it’ll make things more interesting between them.

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Amazing!

This story well written. It moves at just the right pace, there is drama, passion, and tension you could cut with a knife. Just fix the odd grammar and typo mistakes, maybe look at the word ordered and paragraph layout and it will be perfect. Maybe add a little bit more description to the characters too. I love the line 'London is different than Los Angeles. It is colder. But for me it is definitely warmer than the icy cold American dream.'

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Brilliant!

A spooky tale indeed. Loved the atmosphere! There are a lot of punctuation mistakes and the odd typo but nothing major. Well done!

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Gripping!

Oh, nelly! This is one story that keeps the reader gripped! The mystery around Elizabeth and her dangerous and obsessive admirer. There are times however where semi-colons are being used when they shouldn't and times where they are used too much. There are paragraphs that are too small, some sentences are too long and need to be broken up to be snappier, and the layout is a bit all over the place. Also, this line 'Midnight curls clung to the arch of her pale neck' that I think needs to be changed. Not sure what you are trying to say here. The line in the description, 'threatens to shatter her broken heart' I think needs to be changed to sometime more like 'threatens to shatter what is left of her already decimated heart' I do love the use of Latin and the quotes in the story. You really understand what Elizabeth feels when she finds the body! Keep it up!

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Fabulous

This story is a good read for those wanting drama and passion.

Plot - The tragedy of Alena husband is heartbreaking and discovering that he was murdered is a shock. It is interesting to see this kind of story where the woman is in charge instead of the man. Good to have a mistress! However, I think that it is rushed. There needs to be more of a build-up of tension to keep the reader gripped. I know it is erotica, but it does make me a bit confused that Alena who is supposed to be still struggling with the death of her husband suddenly jumping on Quentin. The part where she says her husband's name instead is tragic, but it needs to be built up more. Yes, she is kind, but there is no way she should be making out with him in seconds. She should be being a little cold with him before she thaws out by passion. Build it up! Tease the reader more!

Characters - Alena is sweet. You can see she is truly broken-hearted by her loss and crying out for love. It is clear Quentin has been through some hardships also and needs love too. Jonathan, I am suspicious of, I think we need to know a little more about him.

Setting - The setting of this story is blurry. It is not at all clear what time period this story is set in. At first, going off the way Alena speaks you may think it is the turn of the century, but then you learn of modern technology which makes it unclear. The society around her with the rich people and bodyguards and the black market makes you wonder if it set in some kind of dystopian future. Also there are times where there could be more description for the setting just to help the reader picture the world the story is set in.

Grammar + Punctuation - Perfect.

Writing style - I feel there are times where you need to look at the layout of sentences to help them flow better. Some are too long and need to be broken up, others need to be changed to flow better and fit in with the whole of the paragraph better, Also there are times were some paragraphs are too small and could be brought together with other paragraphs.

Intro/Description thing - It needs to tell the reader a little more. Alena's full name, other stuff the black market sells, whereabouts in the world the farm and the story is set. Also the wording of the intro needs to be looked at again. It goes from talking about Alena's sister-in-law to the farm which feels shoe-horned in awkwardly.

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Great start

Short, attention-grabbing and filled with a mysterious mood that is a great start to this story. Keep it up!

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Good

The passion, romance and feel is there, but there are grammar mistakes, typos, and punctuation problems that need fixing.

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Good start!

The relationship between Sam and Ash is brilliant and the intro to this story is strong. However, there are times were words are missing and sentences need to be rearranged to make the story flow better. Great start though!

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Brilliant!

Well, things escalate quickly meaning the reader will not at all be bored! Loved the use of the dream that repeated, really created mystery and intrigue. Just need some tying up, grammar, tenses, maybe look at the wording of sentences, but keep it up!

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Real potential but it needs work.

This is a story that has clearly been thought out, it is a fast-moving plot that keeps the reader’s interest, however in order for the reader to really get into it I think there needs to be work done on the following:
World building, don't give everything away right away but epic fantasy stories do need the right set up.
Grammar, punctuation and uses of tenses. The lack of speech marks can make things confusing but if you are wanting to write in the style of a script that does make more sense.
Character development. We don't need to know all the names of the knights right away, but if they are key to this voyage they do all need to be distinct, as does the king and prince. Give them brief descriptions on their appearances to help the reader imagine the story in their mind.

Apart from that it is brilliant with excellent potential, keep it up!

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Good one for Twilight Fans

Just want to say to start with that although I am not a twilight fan and find it problematic, I will remain open minded for the sake of a fair review swap. The description is good, to the point yet doesn’t give too much away about the plot. You don’t need the disclaimer bit there though save that for the first part. Your paragraphs are a little short, try grouping them together more but be careful not to make them too long. In chapter 1, sage-green paint smell doesn't feel right. Paint doesn't smell of sage, it smells of chemicals, and that's how that line comes across. You also need to make sure you start a new paragraph where someone new speaks. The being in love with her brother’s best friend idea is a sweet one, and the idea of him being a boxer is cool. Their love does progress at a good pace and is interesting to read so keep it up.

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Fab!

It's sweet and passionate, but I think you could build on that passion a lot more. I love how they meet, and how crazy his wolf titan went. There are many little punctuation mistakes that need to be tied up. Fantastic though!

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