Prologue
She has always been fearing the dreams she had; for as long as she could remember. Sleeping, dreaming, and walking. She had no control over it. Only, while not sleeping, she knew how to take a little more control of the situations around her. But even then she still felt pity and fear and shame and guilt. And she couldn’t say why. In sleep, she was too insecure and never trusted her own instincts, listened to all the wrong voices making rounds in her head, pitting herself into one fiasco after another and shaming herself for each failure.
Sleep became slight as she tried more and more to put handle on her every day living a constant nightmare… like a blanket she had wrapped it around her and the only time she felt free was in the moments she could loosen her grip on her soul and fly free. One with herself and soaring into her own body and delving into her obsession until she was spent.
It lasted… until, in the end, she knew there was no place to run. She felt too sick to think everything through and re-analyze it… her body was fluid to her… no more but awkward and unsure…
She felt unworthy of love and mistrusted signs of affection. She constantly grabbed for fantasy as it slipped farther and farther away with her feet solid in a miserable reality and insanity threatening to ooze in among the cracks…
Trying to reach out for help, she went to see a doctor once. He did not seem to pay too much attention to what she was trying to explain; instead, he gave her a prescription for slipping pills, thinking she was sleep deprived. Of course she was, as she was too afraid to fall asleep. She left his office, deciding to deal with it on her own. But now, just a few weeks later, she was so exhausted, with no one to help her, she went and bought the pills he prescribed. She was at the end of the road, wherever it was supposed to take her, and she decided to end it here and now. she shook the pills out of the bottle on the palm of her hand and starred at them for a while. She was an orphan, had no family, no friends, no boyfriend. Who would want to be involved in any way with a weirdo she was anyway? Not giving too many thoughts to it, she decided to take the pills. She swallowed all; drinking some water, and lied down thinking, she just escaped the bad dreams. What she did not know was what she did was just the beginning of the worst nightmare yet.
