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Fantastic

This is a very engaging book that makes you want to continue to the next chapter. I am usually good at figuring out what will happen but this book delightfully kept me in a mystery. The worlds the author created sometimes made me say, "What the...?" This was very well written and I will be reading his other books. The only advice I can give is to make sure the characters stay in character. Sometimes but not often, I felt that a character said something that didn't seem right coming out of their mouth. Otherwise, great read! Very deep and thought-provoking.

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Wonderful Story

I love your story. The plot is very good and your writing style is easy to read and flows well. Sorry I had to give you 2 stars on the grammar, but there are a lot of misspelled words. I know this is a rough draft and that you will go through and correct them. Your story will be so awesome once your do that. The best advice I can give you is to use the app Grammarly. It is free and will help you clean up your manuscript.

I am disappointed that the rest of the story is not here yet. I really want to know what is going to happen!!!

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Needs work

It is difficult to stay focused on your writing because it is filled with run-on sentences and words used improperly. Most of your sentences begin with gerunds. This slows down the story and makes it hard to follow. Adding periods will help increase the readability of the story. Here is what I mean, "Not saying a word continuing watching the raindrops sliding down the window, slowing pulling up close to a row of small houses each one had the same miserable grey stones walls." The sentence is too long and drawn out. It has a lot of unnecessary words and would have been better as two or three sentences. The entire manuscript is written like this.

Slowly read your work out loud and note where you pause, then add the proper punctuation.

Hope this helped.

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Charming Story

This is a charming story about an extreme love. Even though there are a few grammatical errors that need to be edited the story moves well and is very interesting. The side stories at the end, I think, drag the story down. You would do well to make a book of short stories with them as they all can stand alone, outside of this story. Each of the side stories are very good and engaging. You are a very imaginative writer and I wish you well.

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Interesting book

Very well-written book with a great plot and great characters.

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A Good Read

I really liked this story and the writing style is just beautiful. The descriptions were beautifully written. Unfortunately, I felt there was too much description. At points where the plot was moving me along, it got bogged down with description. Sometimes I just didn't care about the setting and wanted to gloss over it.
.I truly liked the little girls. Their love for each other was sweet. I felt that the detective and housekeeper's presence were unnecessary, but perhaps they well be more important in the next book. The other characters were very well developed. I did feel that there were a bit too many twists and turns in the plot.

This was a good read and I appreciate the opportunity to place your characters in my heart.. Happy writing!

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Good Start

I enjoyed your story. I suggest you carefully go over it and try to see it through your reader's eyes. Make sure you are connecting all of the dots. There are times when you leave your reader wondering what happened. For instance, Mae returns home, but we have no clue how her mother responded to her being missing. Was that erased from the mother's memory or did her mother not care? We don't know because you haven't told us. What happened to her friends. It is not enough to know that they are safe. It should not be enough for Mae to know they are safe.. She should find out what happened to them. Why did they not show up in the scenes when she goes back to school? Do you see what I mean? You will have a stronger story when you rewrite to answer possible reader's questions.

Also, be careful that you make this your own story. It reminds me of the Twilight books, when you write about mates. You might want to think about making up your own rules about werewolves and vampires. It is your story, You can make them whatever you want. You are talented enough to make this good story into a great one.

Keep on writing!

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Lovely fantasy

I really enjoyed your story. Your writing style is almost like poetry. It has a soft beautiful cadence. I do encourage you to continue. This is a great beginning.

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Captivating

This was a really good story. Hope there is a sequel.

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Charming Fairytale

I like Luke Peace's writing style. It almost has a soft cadence to it.

I was hoping to understand what had happened between the hermit and Brom who described him as mean. There did not seem to be enough reason for Shane's town people to avoid the road or for them to shun anyone who took it. Also, the battles in the story were too easily fought and won. I was never concern for very long, that they might lose and I should have been made to feel that it might not end well for the heroes.

Nevertheless, I really enjoyed the reading this. I hope Luke decides to expand the story. Perhaps elaborating more on how Whilo's town came to be, Brom's visit to the that road in more detail, the plague on Shane, and the curse of the crops. Also, it was never brought out how Lilly knew so much about Shane and we never really get to meet Bree.

I did just go back to the story and saw that Luke Peace divided the story into chapters. Good job. Soon you will have a really wonderful story as you continue to edit. I will read it again in a few weeks.

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Very Nice

I'm really enjoying the story so far. I agree that it would be better if the reader didn't know that the new students were vampires. Its would make it better if it were revealed to the reader as it was revealed to the main character.
I was afraid, when I first began reading, that this was going to be similar to other vampire stories (ridiculously beautiful people without flaws,) but the writing style and main character set it apart.
Overall, I really like this book and I hope it will be finished.

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Interesting Read

I, for the most part, enjoyed the story. The characters were well developed as was the plot. There were too many areas where the sentences made no sense or it was difficult to figure out what actually happened. This can easily be taken care of with editing. As a result, I tried to read it as though the mistakes were not there. Reading it in this way helped me to enjoy the book better. I do suggest that the author resolve the mystery of the prince's "dream girl." Also, it seemed as if someone had bewitched him, causing him to lose his humanity. By the end, I still don't know if this is true. The dots just didn't connect. One more thing to consider for the author. The style of speaking in the book was more of a modern way of talking. It did not seem to fit the ancient kingdoms of the book. Overall, I really liked the story and I'm sure it will stay in my heart for a while. I hope the writer will continue to grace the world with more of her worlds.

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