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Joshua (J. E.) Dyer
West Virginia
Reader, writer, and author. Teller of tales in many forms and genres.
Good concept
The author has created an interesting story concept. The writing style has its strong qualities, but stumbles in its weak control of the English language. Homonym/ homophone confusion ( feats for feet, for example). Partial clauses and awkward sentence structures. With a rewrite, this could be a great story.
Read the story nowSolid story
You have the makings of a great story here. You introduce and develop your characters well. Their dialogue felt realistic, if stilted from time to time. Their arcs and growth over the course of the work was good.
There were several grammatical issues and typos throughout that pulled me out of the story world.
This story has a strong foundation with lots of potential. With some revisions and a solid edit, you'll have a contender.
Good start
You have the makings if a good story here. The world building is interesting enough to keep me engaged. Your characters, while a little thin, did well enough to keep me reading along. Best of luck with your novel.
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