Beherent Hill

lot of descriotion

"The man was bald, with a scar on his neck, his skin was saggy, and he glares at me when he catches me watching him. Wonder what brought him in? Probably madness and isolation brought him here. I wonder what he sees when he looks at me; a seventeen year old girl with long black hair, and dark eyes, a plump figure and wearing jeans, a jumper, and a pair of converses. With not an electronic device in sight, I bet he’s wondering what I am doing here?"

To me the start was really good however I became lost during this because of all of the description. I am not one for description within books if there is to much I tend to become judgmental and I hate myself after for being to critical however its one of my pet peeves is to much description. A.K.A "The boy stood tall and strong as firm as a ram with his deep blue eyes staring deep into your soul, his golden locks became flustered in the wind biting his bottom lip with nervousness trying to show no fear but knowing him everyone knows he;s afraid.." I will try to keep this short. I just cringed at my own sentence. I tried to edit my own sentence, sorry for the long review don't know if you'll read it or skim it anyways I do like where it's going it caught my attention you got this!

- Hillary Sanderson ( BerhentComics )