Iesha

Baltimore MD

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Grammar & Punctuation

Awesome story

I really enjoyed reading your story. It was so good and well written that I read all the chapters. I really enjoyed how it was love story about a couple going through the motions of their relationship. You did very well at displaying their vulnerability during that time. Even though the story was about gay couple, I could still my own relationship through their eyes and I thought it was beautiful. Well done!

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Woah! You got me hooked

I really enjoy your story. I admit it took me a minute to get into the story because of the setup but after the third chapter, I was captivated by the thrill of finding her friend. One thing I would have liked to understand was how the people adapted to not having sunlight. It would have been cool to understand how they are able to live in that type of environment when I can’t even fathom being in such a planet with no sun. I did notice some gramatical errors however it didn’t take away from the story. Overall really good story and can’t wait to finish your novel.

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Justified Transfer Student

Okay, the setup of this story is really good. I think right now my favorite character is his counselor Ms. Izumi because she understands that his actions are justified. One thing I noticed was that his thoughts were also in quotations and that kind of confused me. Otherwise, I love the way the story is going so far. I can’t wait to read more soon.

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Awesome story

Overall your story is very captivating. I really enjoyed the dynamic you have created between Rebecca and Toby. They seem like there could be a love interest broiling. This story is also suspenseful and thrilling which comes off in every part of your writing style. Only things I would recommend as a writer myself is to check your story over again. I noticed some parts that were repeated and others that had too many conjunction words that took from the understanding of the sentence. Note I only read three chapters but overall I would definitely recommend this story to some other people interested in these type of books.

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Awesome story but grammar need work

I really enjoyed your story. I feel like it has the ability to really capture the reader and keep them engaged. However I could not completely follow your story because of grammar usage and spelling. One thing I would recommend is using the dictionary to help you spell words and attempt to read over your writing. As a writer, I also have a tendency to forget words as I am typing out my thoughts so I usually practice the habit of reading over my work to help me with my punctuation and spelling so I won’t have run on sentences and misspelled words.

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Wow thats was an engaging story

I did noticed a few missing and misspelled words but otherwise very well done. I really enjoyed the story it had me engaged from beginning to end of the fifth chapter. I also enjoyed how you actually a blurb in your summary of your story to engage your reader. That was definitely a very smart move. I might have to copy that.

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