immoral

I'm a student in grade 12, and I write in my free time. I love horror movies and true crime! I'm also trying to connect with other writers and review more books :)

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Good start!

Although there's only one chapter, I can tell that this will be a very cool story! There's so much tension already! I think this chapter could do with a bit of editing, especially with punctuation. I noticed in many pieces of dialogue that there should be commas or periods to make the speaking sound more natural. In addition, there were also a few grammatical mistakes that could be fixed easily. This is a compelling start to the story, and I'm excited to see what will happen!

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Grammar Punctuation

Exciting!

There are a lot of things happening, which keeps this story interesting! I like how your descriptions are always fresh and new. The only thing that could be changed is some of the grammar, there are a few places where words don't really fit together.

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Grammar Punctuation

Spooky!

Although there's only one chapter, this story is already giving me classic horror story vibes! Although slightly cliche, your writing style is very clean and I didn't see any mistakes. Keep up the good work!

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Overall Rating
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Grammar Punctuation

Cool P.O.V.

The plot of this story was really interesting! Choosing a child as the protagonist made the story stand out from other books, and so was the idea of using a camera as the point of view. I feel like this would be cool if it was adapted into a movie!

Overall, there were a lot of technical mistakes with grammar, tense, and paragraph breaks, and I found it took away from the story. I would strongly recommend editing. I think this story could also be improved by fleshing out more of the characters and action scenes. I also have a lot of questions about the conflict/war, such as how it was caused, who it's affecting, etc. It's such an interesting idea and I would love to see it developed further.
I hope you'll continue with this story and concept!

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