insalunne

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I wanted to like this...

I enjoy comedic superhero stories, but this one fell flat. I figured I'd give it a read after reading your other novel, 'Haunted', and was intrigued by your description ("It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's just an idiot in spandex."). However, I was mostly just really bored reading this and asking myself why I continued to do so. Every once and a while there was a funny line, but, like in 'Haunted', there was way too much exposition and not enough character/descriptive language. I love the names Arabella and Lacey (A LOT), but the characters both seemed like cardboard cut-outs and had no depth, along with everyone else. There are quite a few things in the story that didn't make sense (why DID that guy try to kidnap her in a crowded place??) that maybe would be explained later on, but for now feel just like they're there for no reason other than to put the story in motion. There were a lot of cliche moments as well and it read a lot like an amateur fanfic. I really did like the idea of this story, but it needs a lot of work. I really hope that the author will keep working on this!! With a few more re-writes, I might read this again.

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Potentially good, but not quite there

(This is pretty long, but I hope you can bear with it and read all the way through. This is my first review on Inkitt, and I tried to be as honest and helpful as possible. If you are the author: I am a firm believer in constructive criticism, so this is meant in the nicest, most helpful way possible, and I want to thank you for sharing your work on the internet. I really do respect you for that.)
I liked the premise of the story. Ghost stories and murder mysteries are two of my favorite things. However, I think that this one fell flat. I didn't connect at all with most of the characters. Cade's was the closest to being interesting, but Raven came off as a bit of a Mary Sue. There were a few plot holes and quite a lot of "well, why don't they do THIS instead?" moments (seriously, a ghostly spy network would've been pretty cool; I do wish Raven had used her powers more). The dialogue was also very distracting, as it was unnatural at times and often loaded with unnecessary exposition. The pacing was also kinda weird. As for the romantic sub-plot, I found it 'cringey' at times. It should be noted, though, that I am not one for romance, so this could partially be coming from my own personal bias against it. The biggest problem, though, was that this was all 'tell' and no 'show' (is it cold? Or is the breath of the November wind drawing blades upon your skin?). This gave it no atmosphere or suspense, which I think is a huge detriment for a ghost story and for a murder mystery. It needs to be tense, and it needs to be scary. I want to hold my breath in anticipation and not want to put it down. Instead, I was just really bored. When Cade met his father, that was the only moderately tense point (some of the lines from that scene were pretty good too). I just wish more things were more descriptions of things, so the main character wasn't spelling things out all the time. It felt like, as the reader, I wasn't trusted to come to my own conclusions. Subtlety can help a lot with this. Insinuate things. You don't need to outright say them. Actions speak louder than words, and sometimes silence outdoes both.
I will say, though, that that twist ending... 10/10. I wasn't expecting that.
Overall, there were a few aspects of it that were good or interesting, but these often didn't go anywhere, or ended up going downhill. The lack of descriptions and atmosphere really hurt the entire narrative and reading experience. The characters' lack of personalities also kept me from being fully engaged. If this went under a few more re-writes, I might read it again. It reminds me a bit of how I wrote my first novel. I hope that the author continues to work on this; it has a lot of potential!

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