Jenna Penrose

Land of the Cedars

MAGNIFY YOUR BLESSINGS!❤️ Perfection isn’t the goal; it’s the start line✨ ❌NO SELF-PROMO❌ POSITIVE VIBES ONLY!👑🌻 Physiologist🧬 Yogi🧘🏻‍♀️ Everything is STILL a pleasant maelstrom of waves! :3

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The Dutch's Bottle

Your story has potential to shine even more, and I like where this is heading. I like Anna's and Dexter's story, their chemistry and their love that allowed them to face a gruesome incident. And I understand how it contributed to Diana's life and her medical/psychological condition. At first, I thought that Diana has schizophrenia because she keeps seeing and hearing things that are not real, but when you wrote about Anna and Dexter seeing the black smoke around their daughter, it explained everything. Diana broke my heart because she can't fall in love like any normal person and I want her to have a happy ending.
Technically, I hope I don't sound harsh while I'm pointing this out but I'm only trying to help. I think there are some sentences that can be phrased better and in some case they are phrased the wrong way. Take in chapter 3 this sentence: "tell me what I have to do to persuade you?" This past sentence is not a question and it should be like this: "tell me: what DO I have to do to persuade you?"
I noticed you write a dialogue without action beats or tags. Show the readers more body actions. While the characters are talking to one another, what are they doing? Are they standing, sitting, doing something? How are their expressions and how are they voicing their words? What tone of voice do they have? Showing body actions and voice tones gives the reader a better image of what's going on and allows them to connect with your characters.
Are you writing in British English or in American English? Because in chapter 3, you used the word "apologize" which is the standard American spelling of thus word, while in chapter 6, you used "realise" which is British.
Pay attention to switching of tenses. Use either past tense or present tense to tell your story, not both. Pay attention to usage of prepositions.
Dialogue punctuation, tags, and action beats: cases on how dialogues should be punctuated.
-If the sentence is a statement: "I made coffee," he/she/they/I/my mother etc... said. (Note the comma and no capitalization)
-If the sentence is a question or exclamation. "Do you want coffee?" he asked. "Wow! You look so beautiful!" he commented.
- If the dialogue is followed by action beat: "I made coffee." He reached for two mugs from the cupboard (capitalization and point)
For more visit https://thewritelife.com/dialogue-tags/
Comma usage: Read aloud to know where to add your commas.
It's a good story and it has good potential, so don't give up and keep writing! :)

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Weeping Ocean

When the closest person to you is the enemy, be prepared for the worst. But what if you don’t know that, and the final blow hits you out of the blue?

Little Ocean was betrayed by a person she considered family, yet she clung to her dear life with sheer willpower, determined to build her life up again from nothing to avenge herself. On the other side is a heartbroken Triton, who lost the closest person to his soul and became lost without her. Both are set to change their fates, and apparently, their enemy is one.

I loved how sophisticated the characters were—the double-identity and genius female lead, the heartbroken, or -frozen male lead, and the sister with HPD. Ocean seemed to suck everyone in with her charm, which was endearing but a bit unrealistic. The plot was good and engaging; some parts seemed rushed and others seemed predictable, but the author was able to keep me engaged due to the mystery that everyone was involved in.

Dee, your story has great potential! Keep up the good work!🌻

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Blooming Youth

What a ride! I don't even know where to start. I mean, the plot is creative and not at all cliché. The idea of doing fourteen days of Valentine instead of one as a collective and obligatory participation for all university students is fresh and sounds fun.
Up till now, I found Mandy a pretty realistic and relatable girl. She's studious and passionate about her major, supportive of her friends, clumsy, funny, and shy when it comes to love. And . . . she has a sad past :o Yes, she blushes a lot, but I found her lack of self-control when it comes to Nick quite funny. There were moments when I couldn't stop laughing, and I can't wait to see Mandy's love bloom!

Technically, there are a lot of grammatical, spelling, and punctuation mistakes—confused verbs, missing words, subject-verb agreement mistakes, switching tenses, dialogue needs formatting. The writing style can be improved—watch out for repetition and over-exaggeration of reactions.

I find Adlyne passionate about her story, so I'm sure she'll do her best to make it shine. Amazing work!🌻

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Swipe Wrong For Mr. Right

I don't read erotica, but since it's only the first chapter, it's alright. For a first chapter, I think it was good event-wise. You introduced the main character, and showed a bit of her backstory and nowadays life, and even put her in a situation that's going to change her life forever. The way you depicted the friendship between Jen, Gigi, and Fatima is nice, and I have this feeling that Jen is recovering from a toxic relationship and has a painful history.

Technically, the dialogues should be separated and punctuated. I think you should work more on the settings and characters' appearances in future chapters because things felt like a blank canvas.

Nice work overall! Keep it up!🌻

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Chasing Death

After reading "Death on your Doorsteps", which is the first story in this book, I can tell that Merail has a unique way of captivating her readers. The word magical is a bit odd to describe a story that depicts death, but Adam's patience and determination to bring back his dead mother was the proof that even behind this utter sadness, there is deep love.

I couldn't help but relate to how Adam felt when he lost his mother as emotions and thoughts were delivered clearly. After all, we all have lost someone precious. It's a sad story indeed, but it is full of hidden gems and wise life lessons.

The story is written in a well-composed style that creates clear and crisp images in reader's mind. The characters are introduced smoothly and each of them has a unique voice. I especially love how Merail recreated some of my favorite princess’ stories and weaved them in a way that pushed Adam's story forward. The author should pay attention to repetition, and there are tiny mistakes, but nothing that hinders the understanding of the story.

Amazing work, Merail! Looking forward to read more of your future works!🌻

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Actually You!

Melissa is a hardworking, passionate young lady who lives alone with her kindhearted and adamant grandmother who always insists on her to get a boyfriend. Melissa, bothered by her grandmother's constant nagging, ends up lying to her grandmother, giving her the description of the guy she saw in the bus and telling her that he's her boyfriend. Little did Melissa know that she was going to cross paths with the same guy and slowly fall for his charms and sweet talk.

In "Actually You!", Adlyne tells the story of an endearing cast of characters—the goofy yet witty Melissa, and the charming playboy Maxwell, as the two embark on this journey of getting to know each other and falling in love.

Adlyne should pay attention to syntax, weird phrasing, superfluous tags, and dialogue formatting.

Reading this again felt refreshing actually, and I could tell there was improvement! Nice work, Adlyne!

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Buckle Up For the Ride!!

Desperate to get out of the futile loop of the life she was living in, Skylar Carter decides to leave her family for good, returning back to her childhood home to get back in touch with her old self. Little does she know that when she arrives at Cherryville, she'll be swept off her feet by none but her handsome and hot childhood friend, Kade Bennett.
When Skye comes back crashing into his life, Kade begins to see her under a different light. The couple can't act on their budding emotions and desires freely, for there's Kade's fiancé, Amelia, standing between them. Thrown on a rollercoaster of emotions and dark secrets, the three of them find themselves in an inevitable situation that'll turn their lives upside down.

In "Cherries Bloom and Willows Wail", JessTheMess, true to her name, presents three complicated characters who try their hardest to understand their feelings while dealing with the hardships of their messy lives.

The author should pay extreme attention to syntax, repetition, and grammar and punctuation mistakes, but even that all won't divert the reader's attention from the twists and turns and ominous cliffhangers in the story.
Nice work on your first book, Jessie!! Looking forward to the second one!!

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If You Don't Read This, You'll Regret It!!!

When I read the blurb, I thought the story was going to be scary. I had no idea I was up for a witty and amusing ride. The story began with Runa, an ordinary, easy-going poor girl. She was living peacefully, until the author decided to put her in an extraordinary situation, then toss her in a spiral of never-ending anxiety and confusion. A magical world bled into the normality of Runa's life. Within each chapter of Runa's adventure with the Sons of the Midnight is something new and inviting, something to look forward for. These guys, the super handsome and exotic Sons of the Midnight, are unique in their own way, and each of them has a distinctive voice. They're close-knit brothers, there's mystery wrapped around them, and their casuality swept me in a seamless flow.
On top of all that is the liberty of the author's imagination. There's no fixed setting as the House changes itself, but the places in the author's mind are brought out and delivered in mesmerizing and colorful images that left me amazed. I wasn't able to expect anything. There are illusions, mind games, and twists. The author is able to grasp all reader's senses and control the speed of events as well. One moment I would be laughing, and the other I'm left at the edge of my seat, waiting to know what'll happen next.
Save for a few mistakes, this is a magical and memorable ride, and I'm glad I had the chance to read it. Looking forward for more!
Dear author, you're a free spirit, and your work is fabulous!! :D

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Path to Her Heart

It's a sweet, cute, and awkward love story between two people who were nothing more than acquaintances and are getting to know one another more. The sunflowers got my attention because those are my favorite flowers. You smoothly introduced your characters and the interactions between them were so natural and realistic regardless of the situation. I loved seeing Raina and Shawn moving past being classmates to becoming friends. It's so funny how you kept putting them in awkward situations, how Shawn teased Raina, and I like how you depicted the way a crush really starts. The pace of the story is good and the chapter length is relaxing to read. I could feel their awkwardness and embarrassment, and even their relief in the last chapter, and I can't wait to see their love blooming. Adding some problem other than having a crush on one another gives the characters some deepness.
It's pretty sweet and Shawn's determination to know Raina even more excites me to read. Her hesitancy stirs questions. There's an opportunity for you to complicate things more and make the plot more engaging. Looking forward for more! :)

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OH. MY. GOD!!!!

You're the first omniscient narrator I've read for on this platform, and I can't begin to tell how amazingly you pulled this off!! The plot is amazing, well-planned, clear with characters' motives, and full of twists and unexpected events. Until the last minute, the events were still unexpected. It took some time for the action and drama to start while Leah laid out her plan, but I really love how you threw your ordinary characters into extraordinary situations. Leah is smart and cunning and sensitive, and even manipulative. I noted that she's left-handed—left-handed are more prone to killing by the way; I don't mean anything with this, I'm left-handed too :) Zakai and Maddie deserved whatever paranoia they lived through. Arlo, oh don't get me started on poor, sweet Arlo.
With each chapter, the plan became even more complicated, and I couldn't wait until Leah began executing. You seemed to understand your characters very well and they understand themselves too, and I could feel everything they went through. I loved that fluffy atmosphere between Arlo and Leah, too bad it wasn't a happy ending.
Technically, I noticed random capitalization in the middle of the sentence and some non capitalized proper nouns. Also, you seem to capitalize words after using ellipses or em-dash (—) even when the thought isn't yet completed. There're two spelling mistakes (interest in chapter 4/ storey in chapter 17) and (to see if) instead of (two see if) in chapter 19. There's one verb switched to present tense in chapter 7.
Regarding punctuation of dialogues:
Dialogue punctuation, tags, and action beats: cases on how dialogues should be punctuated.
-If the sentence is a statement: "I made coffee," he/she/they/I/my mother etc... said. (Note the comma and no capitalization)
-If the sentence is a question or exclamation. "Do you want coffee?" he asked. "Wow! You look so beautiful!" he commented.
- If the dialogue is followed by action beat: "I made coffee." He reached for two mugs from the cupboard (capitalization and point)
For more visit https://thewritelife.com/dialogue-tags/
It's really amazing. Well-planned and well-written. It made me think that love is really unreasonable and so are human beings sometimes. I enjoyed your story to the very end!! Amazing work! :)

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INSPIRING!!

Again, shout out and wild applause to the author, who is dedicating this story to domestic violence shelters. It takes bravery and an open mind to take such a huge step, and I wish you all the luck in fulfilling your intention.
This story captures the reality of different abusive situations, and presents how each individual—be it the protagonist or any of her friends—deal with it and fight to recover from it. Mika shows the readers how being together as one solid unit and slowly and patiently building courage to acknowledge our fears and conquer them, is the right way to get back into a healthy life. The issues discussed are so delicate and serious, and Mika vividly delivers each bit of emotion right to reader's heart. Connecting with all her characters, the feel of being with them was like a warm blanket wrapped around me, telling me that things will be fine. The story gently whispers "You're not alone."
Aislynn is a smart, witty, kind-hearted, and uplifting. And I like watching her as she realizes the reality of her situation and builds up strength to face it. I liked seeing her in different situations (drunken Aislynn was fun). Character development is really important, and I can clearly see that through each chapter. Interactions between characters are so smooth. Saying that the descriptions are vivid and colorful is an understatement (wondering if English language has a bigger word). The way you depict the five senses is incredibly alluring, although, when you go into meticulous details, it felt a bit annoying for me.
I'm loving it so far, living it so vividly, and the last chapter left me on my seat!! Waiting for more! Fabulous! :)

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Tempered Tides

This is really an engaging short story with a poetic and a philosophical vibe, and instant action that gets you hooked. At first, I thought the pace is fast, but then I realized it's a short story. Didi is a powerful female character. She's smart, brave, quite composed when she's needed to be, and very thoughtful and kind-hearted. The issues discussed in the story are realistic and relatable. There was a time when men always punished women even for their own wrongdoings and felt ashamed for having a girl as their firstborn. There might still be cases like that, but from the events that happened, I think the story isn't happening in our era. The transition from Calina's story to telling us all about Didi was a bit confusing. Personally (you don't have to abide by this at all) I think it would've been better if you introduced Didi slightly first instead of instantly telling Calina's story. However, I love Didi's back-story, her family connections, and the history of the blanket. It's heartwarming. Your descriptions are so vivid and you have a way with words that makes things sound poetic.
The only issue regarding writing style is redundancy. You tend to repeat thoughts or write sentences that convey the same idea. Example in chapter two: "I felt immediate relief from the headache" directly after it, you wrote, "I sensed immediate relief after you..." this is considered repeating the thought or the idea itself. Other examples are paragraph 7 and paragraph 22 in chapter 3 (check the first and second lines and you'll know what I mean) Pay attention to using synonyms in close proximity (malady and ailment mean the same)
You have a few mistakes that can be easily fixed through editing.
I enjoyed your story and it was a delightful and magical read! Amazing work! :)

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What Exactly is Love?

Excuse me if I sound harsh, but I tend to be honest and thorough in my reviews to help as much as I can. This review is my personal opinion, so you can take it or leave it.
I see you have a good plot, about two teenagers who are following their dreams and trying to understand what true love means. I liked Alex's parents—how they're pushing their daughter to forget about being number one in her class and focus instead on pursuing her dream in fashion. Alex's backstory is sad, and the way Max dealed with things was a bit unreasonable in my opinion. Couldn't he just ignore her instead of inflecting physical pain? I like Stacey's boldness, and how she's always there for her best friend, and sometimes I think Alex is being rude to her. Miller is something else. I wonder why you didn't introduce him early in the story as an actor who played roles in romantic series and etc... The way he approaches Alex is a bit forward, but I like that he cares and wants to reach her heart. Alex seems a bit hesistant: sometimes she's buying clothes and taking photos, and then she's still stuck on being the first in her class. Miller is her rival, but I feel as if she's treating him like her enemy and entirely blocking him.
When Alex and Stacey went shopping and then photo-shooting, I kept wondering what clothes Alex is wearing. You're talking fashion, right? Then show me colors, patterns, fabric, design, makeup, shoes... Don't just say that they ordered this and that and took photos. Show me how Alex is posing for the camera and how she feels when the camera is on her. How does everyone look like? Is Alex beautiful? What's her distinctive feature? Describe the settings around your characters. In debate club, show me some interaction. What's the topic they're working on? Alex wants to expand her social circle and improve her social skills, right? Then show me what she's learning from the debate club and how her character will develop.
Technically, there's a lot to tell, so please hang in with me:
1-You use "said" a lot to tag your dialogues—and in this case in don't know what tone of voice the characters are using, and sometimes you don't tag your dialogues (like in chapter 3 after being the ice-cream) and I don't know who's saying what. Thoughts aren't put between quotations, you can italicize them.
2-Pay attention to tense consistency. There's switching between present and past tenses.
3-In Smith's POV in chapter 7, you showed Alex's thoughts by saying: "I can't believe he noticed that!" Don't switch POVs
4-Only one punctuation mark is used, and a question mark is never followed by a point.
5-There are some grammatical mistakes and verbs that are used the wrong way: chapter 4: (skimmed through, not schemed through)/(clung, not clunked)/chapter 6: (scrunched up, not scrounged up)/ chapter 7: (heart flutter, not flatter)
6-Dialogue punctuation, tags, and action beats: cases on how dialogues should be punctuated.
-If the sentence is a statement: "I made coffee," he/she/they/I/my mother etc... said. (Note the comma and no capitalization)
-If the sentence is a question or exclamation. "Do you want coffee?" he asked. "Wow! You look so beautiful!" he commented.
- If the dialogue is followed by action beat: "I made coffee." He reached for two mugs from the cupboard (capitalization and point)
For more visit https://thewritelife.com/dialogue-tags/
7-Describe body language to show more emotions.

I hope I didn't sound harsh, and I hope this helps. You have a good plot in your hands and there's no need to rush things. Pour your feelings and colors into it, and I'm sure it'll shine. Don't give up and keep writing! :)

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Hot and Cold

The chapters you've written up till now are an amazing start for a story that will be full of twists and deception and will reveal a lot of mysteries and troubles for the protagonist Avni. The prologue hooked me instantly the moment I learned about Neil's situation and I started asking questions seeking to know what happened to him and what Avni has to do with it. Avni is an ambitious, passionate, and a powerful female lead who comes from a rich Indian family and has big love for horses and racing and a dream to fulfill. Even though I still don't know much about her, but I like how realistic and relatable she is, and that childish spirit she has. I love how her family worries about her and that warm and serene feeling around her.
Then here comes Dev and starts ruining her life bit by bit. He's devious, arrogant, and cheeky, and yet he's the most handsome man Avni had ever seen. And that's where their chemistry sparks. These two are going hot and cold around one another. I like how they are confused about each other and I seriously want to punch Dev in the face because he's trying to destroy Avni's life without listening to her side of the story. Although, this might be early judgment for your characters because the summary tells me how much the plot is promising.
Technically, you've got things covered. Your story is composed very well. You have good vocabulary and words that I don't understand but are easy to figure out their meanings through reading. Descriptions of people and settings are vivid and beautiful, and I like how smooth the introduction of new characters and the interactions between them are. You're writing your story with meticulous attention and care and personally I think you're on the right road. The pace of the story is a bit slow, but you're giving each character a chance to shine and show themselves and the pace makes me anticipate even more. You don't have grammar mistakes, but the only mistake is a typo in this sentence in the prologue: "Dev ran an uneasy hand through his ha." The last word should be "hair."
Also, there's something confusing about Dev's brother. In the beginning you referred to him as Neil, then you started referring to him as Vicky.
The only issue is about dialogue punctuation. Sometimes you do it right, and sometimes you don't.
Dialogue punctuation, tags, and action beats: cases on how dialogues should be punctuated.
-If the sentence is a statement: "I made coffee," he/she/they/I/my mother etc... said. (Note the comma and no capitalization) tags include more than said, asked, replied, yelled, pleaded, whispered, etc...
-If the sentence is a question or exclamation. "Do you want coffee?" he asked. "Wow! You look so beautiful!" he commented.
- If the dialogue is followed by action beat: "I made coffee." He reached for two mugs from the cupboard (capitalization and point)
For more visit https://thewritelife.com/dialogue-tags/
I'm loving it so far. You're talented and your English is pretty good and your story has potential. I can't wait for the drama to start! Amazing amazing job! :)

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The Unseemly Life of Miss Hartley

Firstly, excuse me if sound harsh, but I tend to be thorough and honest in my reviews, so bear with me. This is my personal opinion; you can take it or leave it.
The story is nice. You have a good plot and I really like how you build tension at the end of each chapter.
The first couple chapters were all about narration and introducing the characters. Here, I have two points to tell.
1: Don't dump everything the reader needs to know about the main character in one go.
2: Usually, the first chapter is life-changing for the character. Something unexpected happens that changes the character's life, hooks the reader, and gives them something look forward to in the next chapters—which was not the case.
I kept reading to see if something in Alicia's life will change, and to me it was when The Marquess cornered her that night, asking her about her father.

You have an interesting set of characters. I won't say a lot about them since you claim they're all real characters—except the protagonists. Alicia is a brave and a curious girl. I like that she wants to prove that she can do anything, protect herself and her father as well, in a world where women we're still deprived from their rights. But she was naive as well. Like that time when Alicia accepted Eloise's offer to spend the night at her house. Alicia easily accepted. She would've sat at the bar with that woman (no one will come after her since Eloise is the owner), struck a conversation about women suffragettes movements to build some sense of trust before going to her house. Make it realistic. Make her capable. It was naive of her to trust Louise.

I think Nick is quite the decent guy. He might be a hapless Duke whom no one takes seriously, but if he pulls a few strings, he can get what he wants. He's smart and knows his way around. However, he just followed Alicia on sheer curiosity. There was no reason for him to follow Alicia but his curiosity to get answers and I found that a bit unreasonable.

That's why I thought Alicia and Nick should've gotten a few sweet and coy moments together to get to know one another or build some chemistry between them before Alicia left England. It would've given Nick some good reason—following the girl he's crushing on. And it wouldve given Alicia something to think about other than her mission to find her father and protect him. Because later on, it felt like they got to know each other really fast. I know juggling mystery and romance isn't easy, but there should be some balance throughout the story.
I like how both Nick and Alicia avoided a lot of trouble by threatening some people and deceiving them. It's almost surreal.

Also, when Alicia first talked to Laurent, she convinced him that Austero is her uncle, right? Why couldn't Laurent notice that something is fishy when Alicia began talking about her family?

Another thing I thought about is that these people are ranked, but they sounded so casual to me. I don't know if a girl like Alicia, who's of low dowry and class, should be casually talking to a Duke and saying "thank you" or "I'm sorry." Like when she finished dancing with him, I believe it should be like: "I'm deeply thankful for agreeing to my silly request. And please kindly forgive my inappropriate behavior."

Technically, you don't give a lot of thought to details. I keep wondering how England, France, and Santorini looked like in the 1800s. And I find that I don't know. When they were dancing, I wondered: to what music were they dancing? What was famous at that time? How do French women dress to make Alicia look bizarre in her English dress? And even, why didn't Nick like the food when he first arrived to France? I know writers shouldn't be too detailed, but they shouldn't ignore it as well. Descriptions of the settings give an image in the reader's mind.

I noticed you repeat the scenes from both POVs. It isn't favorable unless you want to show something really important from a different POV.

When writing a dialogue, separate dialogues of different characters on different lines. And don't mix someone's action with someone else's dialogue. It's confusing.

Your questions do not have question marks. I understand when it's a question that doesn't demand an answer like: who cares, or who knows, but your questions don't have questions marks. Also, pay attention to comma usage.

Pay attention to dialogue punctuation, tags, and action beats: cases on how dialogues should be punctuated.
-If the sentence is a statement: "I made coffee," he/she/they/I/my mother etc... said. (Note the comma and no capitalization)
-If the sentence is a question or exclamation. "Do you want coffee?" he asked. "Wow! You look so beautiful!" he commented.
- If the dialogue is followed by action beat: "I made coffee." He reached for two mugs from the cupboard (capitalization and point)
For more visit https://thewritelife.com/dialogue-tags/

Also, numerals less than 101 should be spelled out in letters. Do not start a sentence with a numeral like in chapter 9: "30000 pounds?" It should be spelled out. Times are written like this: 7:00 p.m./ 8:00 a.m. etc . . .

To cut someone off, use an em-dash (—). Why do you keep ending your with "I just." This means that your character is faltering, so it should be: "I just . . ."

There are a lot of grammar mistakes that I can't put here. I can tell you to pay attention to "carriage and marriage", and pay attention to prepositions. Also, there's no I's. The correct possessive pronoun of the subject “I” is “my”.

I sound really harsh, right? Excuse me again. If you want, I can point out some of the mistakes through comments.

Your story is great. I like how you build tension and keep arising problems for Alicia. Please put Nick in a pitch as well. Let us see him struggling and fighting for the girl he loves. All you need is a little polishing and you're ready to go! Nice work and keep writing! :)

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Loads of Mystery!

It's only the first three chapters of the story, but you did a great job by getting me hooked. I love it! It's wondrous, creative, well-composed, and the perfect amount of narration, description, and dialogue. The way you introduce your characters in the most bizarre settings, the twists you put in their ways, and the world of the story are so well-done. I mean, a fantasy story might focus on one thing, but yours gives a broader image. You created a fantasy world with precise details, merged it with telepathy, time-travelling, and parallel worlds, and added a mysterious plot and BAM! look what you've got! Also, the way you weave between these parts of your world is so smooth. I believe it's those who write fantasy and scifi who are creative. I mean, I write romance, and I don't think I'll ever think of such a world, not even in my dreams. It's really intriguing and I can't wait to know what happened to Bessa, and the secret of Alam's father.
Technically, everything looks perfect, but there're few grammatic mistakes that can be easily spotted. I can spot them for you if you like. Also, I have a question: please explain the grammar of as+ verb-ing. I saw some examples with the verb perceive, but I don't understand using it.!
Everything seems awesome, and you're doing a great job! Looking forward for more! :D

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Shadows of the Past

Before everything, excuse me if I sound harsh because I tend to be thorough and honest in my reviews. Since it's only the first chapter, I don't think reviewing the story right away will do it justice.
Firstly, the plot is amazing, and I like how all the events through the day finally got Layla to come across the person who's the reason of her dreams. I love the character's description, but I think it's too much. I don't know if it's your purpose to let the readers take a good look upon your story from the very first chapter, but I think telling everything about a character in one go is a heavy matter. I think the character's description and traits and anything you mentioned about them can be regularly mentioned through out the story. The only thing I felt uncomfortable about is mentioning religion. It's not preferable to talk about it. The plot is intriguing and I can't wait to know more about this mystery man.
Technically, the body paragraphs are too long. You tend to mash the dialogues of more than one character together in the same paragraph, while the right thing to do is to separate them on individual lines. Don't write the dialogue in italic, andwhen tagging the dialogue, start with the character's name instead of the tag.
There's small grammar mistakes that I believe can be fixed easily, and- as a future tip- don't use ? and ! together or twice, which means no ?? or !! or ?!
It's definitely going to be an intriguing read, so keep writing and don't give up!!

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Meeting Violet

True love is the kind that transcends beyond time, space, and even life itself. And what’s better than knowing that you can make it all magical without even saying the magic words? And on Valentine too!

That’s what Nodi was up to. Long years after marrying Violet, everything in his life has changed, yet it’s still the same. Their love is still in full bloom, flourishing inside the walls of their cozy house, between the folds of Violet’s wedding dress and her everything purple, down into the kitchen where Nodi expertly makes blueberry pancakes for his beloved wife, and out to the stunning sunflower field where Violet rests in peace.

True love is the kind that transcends beyond time, space, life, and even death itself.

I absolutely loved the vivid settings that took me from one scene to another and heightened Nodi’s emotions as if he was experiencing love for the very first time. My favorite scenery was the sunflower field on sunset. Nodi’s determination to make the blueberry pancakes a success is in itself a divine form of love. Even if your partner is dead, their love for you isn’t, so keep expressing your love for them however you can—that’s really a gem of a lesson.

Thank you so much for this lovely read, Jay! You have surpassed yourself!🌻

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Catching Love

I have a feeling that’s what the title of the story should be. When Jenna gets humiliated by none but her four-year-old crush Andy, she becomes even more determined to have her feelings reciprocated, until Tom walks into her life and shows her what real love is. Not all male leads get the girl in the end, and this realistic happy ending is one of the things I liked about the story. I’m not gonna lie, the pace was slow, and at some point, I felt that the MCs needed more depth, and that the focus was directed toward secondary characters. In other words, it felt as if the secondary characters were having all the action happen to them, and the MCs seemed like spectators until later in the story.

Jenna struggled with nothing but her conflicted feelings for the two boys who were pursuing her throughout the story, with little show about her family situation and her need for love and reassurance from them. I wondered what else she liked or if she had a hobby or a dream. *Side note: there’s wild difference between stepmom, foster mom, and adoptive mom, but the three terms were used to describe Jenna’s mother, which confused me.* Andy, the ML, had a bit more to him than Jenna, and I loved how he wanted to protect his best friend and get to the bottom of the situation with the gang—got hurt a lot; poor Andy—how he mellowed out toward Jenna and wanted to make an effort for her. Which brings me to the star of the show: Tom, the big softie, the definition of “effort is attractive”! He was making an effort from the start, and helped shape Jenna’s feelings into more mature ones, earning her heart and ours in the end. It made me happy to see Jenna maturing emotionally, making new friends, and holding onto Tom too.

Technically, there are lots of things that I mentioned in the comments. Sarra, pay attention to tense consistency, character’s voice, and telling. You tend to use the word “feel” a lot, and replacing it with the perfect dose of body reactions will help readers connect better with your characters. The story theme promised romance/humor, but the plot got action-packed along the ride and romance felt like a subplot. Remember that you have the potential—I loved your choice of words and you could use that to strengthen your writing—and there’s always space to grow and learn! Thank you for this opportunity to read your story and thanks for writing it! Well done!👏🏻🌻

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Poetry That Speaks of Love

Never in my life have I read a love story woven into short entries of poetry, and Jo's story was a satisfying page-turner. I must say, it was brave of you to confess your feelings, Jo, but know that feelings of love don't go away if you actually love someone, but the shape of love changes and matures, becoming a reliable and safe feeling. I absolutely loved the freedom in your writing style and the depth of expressing your raw emotions. Wish it ended on a happy note, because you deserve all the best.

Lovely work!💜

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Exceptional!

Here's a thrilling riddle wrapped in a mystery wrapped in an enigma with wild twists and unexpected turns of events! I couldn't wait till I finished reading and I'm going to continue because I WANT TO KNOW! but I can tell you that "Runes; 1: Broken Silence" has a compelling plot that kept me at the edge of my seat. The game is just about to start and I can't wait for more!

The story presents an array of sophisticated and relatable characters, each with a distinct voice, each struggling with their past and present, and each having something to do with the mystery behind the runes. Add to it the bonds that connect them, and you'll get a group of suspicious people with tons of secrets.

Dear author, you have an elegant writing style, but watch out for redundancy and bulky paragraphs. You have the ability to keep the readers interested as you add more suspense to the end of each chapter! And let's not forget your knack for history and politics!

I'm definitely going to read until the end of this mystery! Amazing work!👑🌻

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An Absolute Delight!

When she receives a call that her father is ill, Clem Morgan leaves her job and house and drives to Mooresville, determined to save her father's life. Little did she know that arriving at that city was like stepping into a minefield, or that the first person she came across would be the key to solve all her problems.

In "The Root of Misbelief", Maya crafts an adorable enemies-to-lovers story between two socially awkward individuals who are faced with the town's hatred and hardships that force them to join hands. The plot was engaging from the beginning to the end, and loose ends met, but I found some parts of the story predictable. At first, I didn't like that Clem was naive, but the way she grew throughout the story—both she and Rohan—was pretty satisfying and lovely.

Maya has the knack for gripping readers through her crisp style and sense of humor, and it was such a delight to read her story!
Amazing!🌻

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Aspen Falls

When Aspen realizes that her favorite people are back home at the same time—and for Christmas too—her mind and heart are torn between falling for Beau again, and bleeding for her dead twin brother.

"Aspen Falls" starts with a mellow and heart-warming family reunion, then delves into deeper emotions and traumas, depicting how Aspen mistreats herself to hide her pain and how Beau is by her side for support. I've read ten chapters, but there's still mystery behind Archer's death and Beau's decision to leave Aspen behind when she needed him the most. Bex has a knack for hooking readers—her female characters are all badasses, funny, and caring, that I couldn't help but follow the story. I loved this blood-unblood network of support around Aspen—it's important to have such a network in one's life, and the interactions between her and Beau were sweet. Introducing a lot of characters throughout the chapters without getting some background info about them until later was pretty confusing. Oh, and middle names. For instance, I had no idea "Dane" is Hunter's middle name until chapter 9. Jason was so much fun!

Regarding writing style, I was able to relate to Aspen and even understand her suffering, which proves the author's ability to deliver such deep emotions clearly. However, when it comes to dialogue, I kept thinking who was speaking, because there were no tags, and sometimes the actions and speech of two different people a
were put in one line, so it confused me even more. In chapter 11 (10th after the author's note), you started using names without dialogue tags to tag the dialogues, Bex. Technically, there are grammatical mistakes and missing words and commas, so the story can benefit from editing.

Overall, "Aspen Falls" is a nice read and has a good pace that'll keep the readers hooked, wanting to know what will happen next! Keep up the good work!🌻

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Unleashed: The Power Within

Sheila, an ordinary girl with dreams in fashion industry, has been suffering from sleeping problems lately due to the strange dreams she's having. I read up till the fifth chapter, and I can tell that the Greek gods are involved and that the plot has good potential. It's an ordinary MC tossed into an extraordinary situation!
Technically, the characters appearances and the settings need more clearance. There are run-on sentences, grammatical and punctuation errors, as well as redundancy. Writing is a tricky business; there is overwriting in some scenes and underwriting in others, but the author has the passion to tell the story and has the ability to keep the readers hooked.
Keep up the good work!🌻

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The Everlasting Song

Chloe Cooper always dreamed of becoming a songwriter, and now her dream has come true. With the help of her girl friends, and with bitter moments of unrequited love, Chloe finds herself fueled to write and produce inspiring and relatable songs.
The author is a promising poet and has a knack for weaving emotions into the lyrics. I liked the way Chloe was portrayed—as a strong girl who was aiming to achieve her dream, and then it turned out that she was still struggling with a broken heart. Carter sent uncomfortable vibes from the first meeting—don't worry, it's a good sign when readers don't like a character; it means you're good at crafting unlikable characters. Appearances and settings need work, though; it feels like a blank canvas. The pace is slow, and several chapters pass without real trouble. I found it comfortable, but I prefer drama-packed chapters.
Technically, watch out for tags; the superfluous usage of tags bogs down the dialogue. Try to replace them by showing actions and emotions.
It's a swift read. Keep up the good work!🌻

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Deep and Beautiful

"Inner Woman" is a collection of powerful and emotional poems that reflect a lifetime of the author's personal experience. With her incredibly beautiful and complex way of utilizing words and metaphors, Karin isn't only able to craft messages and hide them in colorful images, she's also able to reach your heart with a clear voice despite what she's feeling.
I think it's so brave of a person to attempt to share personal thoughts and moments with an audience that only gets bigger. Karin shares moments of love, loss, uncertainty, and hope deep from within her heart and in a unique presentation.
Lovely work! :)

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My Love From 2000 Years Ago

When he chose to fall into his death instead of being killed by the braves who were following him, Wahya, the Tsalagi man from two thousand years ago, really ends up "falling into the unknown", and landing directly on top of none but the strikingly beautiful and clumsy Archeology Collections Manager, Morgan. Follow Morgan and Wahya as their worlds collide together in a supernatural moment that renders them stuck together as they try to help one another, get to know one another, and tenderly melt into one another before reaching to the roots of their situation.
In "The Artifact", Gwen is able to grasp her readers' senses and attention through controlling two different worlds of different settings, indulging her readers into hilarious, mellow, sad, tense, and passionate moments that tickle their hearts.
The author should pay attention to the usage of periodic interruptive sentences, as well as dialogue formatting. Gwen is a witty and a passionate writer, and her love for her story is shown in her craft. I like how she openly and smoothly shares her knowledge of Archeology throughout the story.
To all readers who are looking for a time-traveling story that will make you laugh and cry and fall in love, "The Artifact" is the right choice!
This is a love story that crosses the barriers of different cultures and languages, and if it could, it would've crossed the barrier of time too.
Incredible work, Gwen! :D

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The Maelstrom

Camellia Darrett's peaceful life has been turned upside down due to the absurd decision of her boss, forcing her into a time-traveling mission with an amateur and a not-so-surprisingly annoying team. While Cammie accepts the decision and makes the effort to try to get to know her teammates, she comes across Rhys, the blue-eyed, brooding, and arrogant psychopath. Rhys is a vault of secrets, and Cammie needs a key. Or explosives! As the story progresses, it becomes even harder on Cammie to handle the crazy decisions of her boss and to control her wrath upon Rhys.
In "The Maelstrom", Proxion indulges the readers in this chaotic ride that takes surprising twists and ends with an ominous cliffhanger, only keeping me intrigued to read more.
There are a few mistakes that can be easily corrected. The main focus in editing should be on dialogue formatting and usage of semicolons, as well as the superfluous usage of tags that makes the dialogue heavy.
Personally, I've enjoyed reading these chapters, and I can't wait for the author to wreck havoc and bring Cammie and Rhys closer together. Keep up the good work! :)

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Wolf's Lullaby

Taking into consideration that I've read seven chapters only, I find myself wanting to know more about these witty, mysterious, and unexpectedly emotional characters. In "Wolf's Lullaby", Lena takes her readers on a magical ride from Whiteridge to Blackwood as sweet Tara faces a new journey and Philip struggles with his own darkness. The author is able to bring out the views in her mind and characters' heavy emotions, and depict them in colorful and crisp images. It was kind of forced at the beginning, but the author seemed to relax and understand her characters more through out the story. There are some mistakes to fix and the author should pay attention to dialogue formatting.
I haven't yet reached the point where Tara and Philip get together, but I'm looking forward to this scene and to many other secrets to be revealed.
Lena is in control of what she wants to reveal to her readers in each chapter. She knows where to leave a cliffhanger or a twist to keep us engaged and turning the pages of her magical story! Nice work! :)

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Refreshing!

In "The Way I See It", Pahul writes these poems from fresh experiences and young eyes that observe life with wisdom. You are invited to embark on a journey and see, hear, feel, and even understand life from her perspective. This is a collection of uplifting poems that will provide you the support and hope in tough and dark times.
In a creative way and simple language, Pahul is able to illustrate the beauty and the brightness of her soul and mind into meaningful messages.
Save a few mistakes, this is an incredible work and I enjoyed it. I appreciate the support I got by reading this immensely! :)

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Don't Switch Off Yet; There's More!

In the world of Cypher city, Switch is the only one in the whole Continent who can see the truth of how dystopian the world he's living in is. While other residents use Implants to go about with their daily lives, they live in a world of fake and colorful fantasy, until some people start glitching out. Carrying a secret that could lead to his death, Switch is the only one who can help the residents.
In "Switch Off", TheGreenShoes grasps all readers' senses, and engages them in thrilling events in a world that could only be built by a brilliant brain. Can't wait to see how Switch will wreck havoc to Cypher Co system, and help his people see the truth with naked eyes.
This is a genius piece of writing, and I definitely recommend it! :)

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Soren

I've read the first ten chapters, and I can tell the story has great potential and I enjoyed it. "Soren" as a title fits the story, not because it's the name of the male lead—who hadn't done a huge thing in these chapters yet—but because it fits the severe life Luna is living. Luna is a strong female lead who has been cast out as an anomaly by her family all her life and hadn't left her house ever before. Her curiosity drives her to venture out of the Grand Manor, where she learns more about the Shadow Realm and then meets Soren, the boy who instantly has her heart. It annoyed me a bit that Luna is kind of naive for trusting quickly and building connections with people a little after she meets them. I don't have some thing against Soren, he's sweet and kind and lovable, but his instant connection with Luna is suspicious.
Luna wants more now, she visits the Earth and wants to know the truth about her mother. The story is really engaging and the world is built from a creative mind and heart. There are some grammatical errors and the punctuation of dialogues needs to be worked on, but there's nothing that hinders the understanding of the story.
I enjoyed reading "Soren" and I'm going to continue reading!! Nice work :)

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MVP Awards Review

I'm fond of the Ogura Hundred Poems, and I haven't read modern poetry in a long time, but I loved and enjoyed your collection of poems that brings the nature closer to the heart and the mind. I love how you transcribed the views before your eyes into poems, and even though you use simple words, I felt what you felt and saw what you saw. I was there in each poem, a clear and vivid image of the scenery in my mind. Your message is clear from this collection: you want readers to see and feel the nature instead of just looking. You want them to protect and preserve nature and appreciate its beauty. The poems reflected your kind personality and showed me that you're a lover of nature and a person who sees beauty in everything.
Technically, pay attention to subject verb agreement and there are some punctuation errors.
This was an aesthetic read. Lovely work!! :)

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MVP Awards Review

Firstly, I must mention that the cover is artistic and it describes Pandora's appearance beautifully. You have a unique plot—post the original Pandora's Box—and I like how your extraordinary character is thrown in an ordinary world that later bombards her with unexpected incidents. The world building is good, and Pandora's feelings would've been delivered clearly if not for the redundancy. The repetitive usage of words and expressions diverted my attention from the events even though they were thrilling and full of action. The story can benefit from editing, and not just in correcting mistakes, but also in being nitpicky about each word you use.
Don't give up, and keep writing! :)

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Companions For Life

Excuse me if I sound harsh, but I tend to be as thorough and as honest as possible in my reviews. This is my personal opinion, so you can take it or leave it.
You have a good plot and a good cast of characters. Sharhul seems so in love, and I like Farhat's stubborn attitude even though she's sometimes unreasonable. I can tell that she is in love with him as well. I don't know how old they are, but they are a sweet and childish couple even though they're married.

The way you organize your story is a bit confusing, and I would have liked a clearer timeline of events to know what is happening before what. In the meeting between Saba and Farhat, Sharhul isn't present and doesn't know what talk took place between them, right? So, how is he remembering whatever happened between Saba and Farhat? Sharhul's conversations with his brain and heart felt overdone.

Try to show more emotions and actions instead of just telling and narrating the story. When Sharhul stepped down the road to save Farhat, I didn't feel his fear for her. She feels irked? I can see the trauma in her face? Showing makes the reader feel a deep connection with the story. It conveys the actions and the feelings and builds a deeper emotional connection with your characters and hooks readers. Stick to real life.
How to show and not tell:
1- Get rid of all basic sensory words (feel- smell- see-touch- hear- taste) and use strong verbs and other visual language.
2- Don't use "emotion explaining" words like: sad, happy, nervous, afraid etc... Instead, replace them with the physical reaction of the emotion.
3- Describe body language. Body language is what we use in real life to show.

Pay attention to POVs, and dont mix them. Sharhul is the one telling the story but in chapter 1, you wrote: "Her heart snapped at her"

About nodding 'yes' and nodding 'no'. Nodding is always a gesture of agreement, and shaking your head means 'no'.

You have a lot of basic grammar mistakes and mistakes in prepositions. Verbs following singular nouns and pronouns take an 's', except the pronoun 'I'. Verbs after the pronoun 'I' don't take an 's'. Verbs after plural nouns don't take an 's' as well. The plural of 'foot' is 'feet', not 'foots'. Pay attention to the tenses, you're mixing tenses a lot and not keeping a consistent one. Also, don't use present participle all the time. There are missing punctuation marks and missing articles (a, an, the) as well.

It's a good story, and it can benefit from editing so it'll shine even more! Don't give up, and keep writing! :)

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Magical!

Magical. Magical. Magical—how the first scene and the views and the sounds are woven into words. It gave a serene feeling and introduced the characters smoothly. The images are vivid and colorful, and the situation turned a bit electric with each passing chapter. I like how it started with them being normal teens—breaking some rules and venturing outside their school's premises. Youhei seems collected and intriguing. Meldei has a mysterious air around her and I love her positivity and how she always manages to push herself to help her friends. Nika and Lea are a bit dramatic, but the genre is drama, so don't mind me. The characters' interactions are natural and the way you weave a flashback into the scene is genius. Your choice of words is between simple and elevated and I like the use of figurative language.
There are some verbs switched from past to present, so try to keep a consistent tense. In chapter 2, you switched once from third to first POV as well. Other grammar errors include prepositions, but there's nothing that hinders the understanding of the story.
It's really lovely and serene, and the characters have a lot to reveal! Looking forward for more! :)

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Playing with Death

Since a lot yet is to be revealed, I can't judge the plot well, but the prologue intrigued and hooked me, and you're off to a good start. Liz has this mysterious aura wrapped around her, and her walking to the cottage felt suspicious to me. You did a good job in delivering her feelings—your choice of words is mixed between simple and elevated, and with the figurative language, the images were forged in my mind vividly.

I noted you use a lot of simple sentences that start with "I". This action makes the composition of paragraphs weaker. There are different types of sentences and you can mix between them to strengthen the composition.

Pay attention to tense consistency—you switched between present and past tense.

Regarding dialogue punctuation: Dialogue punctuation, tags, and action beats: cases on how dialogues should be punctuated.
-If the sentence is a statement: "I made coffee," he/she/they/I/my mother etc... said. (Note the comma and no capitalization)
-If the sentence is a question or exclamation. "Do you want coffee?" he asked. "Wow! You look so beautiful!" he commented.
- If the dialogue is followed by action beat: "I made coffee." He reached for two mugs from the cupboard (capitalization and point)
For more visit https://thewritelife.com/dialogue-tags/

It's a good start, and there's a lot yet for you to tell us and a lot of space for character development as well! Looking forward for more!! Keep writing!! :)

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Quirky and Cute!

I'm so happy you asked me to read this, and I must say you're a talented writer and I want to read more of your work!!
Your story has different vibes: sadness, conflict, sweetness, and fleeting, stolen moments of happiness that I'm sure you'll add more off. Honestly, the first line of the story hooked me, and I thought it was funny. Miles is a combination of two personalities that he's trying not to get crushed under. He's living a life build for him by his controlling parents, trying to perfect being just like his brother, and when he's left alone in his cocoon, he's one of art and music and carries a heart full of sadness. He's quirky (that's what makes the story funny), smart, rational, but at the same time he has zero confidence when it comes to standing up to his parents and taking his own decisions.
I love Cherry. She's everything Miles isn't—a bright, cheerful, confident, and bold girl—no wonder Miles is attracted to her. I love that despite the difference between them, they found a common ground. I love that Cherry is bringing out Miles real self and gradually helping him to speak his heart. That's what chemistry is about. Your writing style is good, and I easily connected with the characters. The flow of the story is so smooth as well.
You have a few typos and grammatical errors that can be easily detected through editing.
Right now, I have a feeling Cherry is hiding sadness under that bright facade, and I'm waiting for Miles to suck it up and fight for his life, or collapse under pressure. Either way, it's going to be a turning point in his story.
Loving it so far!! I noticed you entered this story in a competition (or maybe both?) Anyway, wish you all the luck with it! :)

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The Other Side

What I'm going to write here is my personal opinion, so you can take it or leave it.
I like the vibe of your story and I find myself engaged and wanting to read more and know more about the protagonists. The chapter is too long for a first chapter. To be honest with you, it was a bit confusing for me at first. I thought that the male protagonist is both the female's boss at work and husband at home, until I learned later that she's married and trying her best not to get involved in a love affair with the male protagonist. While reading, I wondered how they both looked like, what kind of work they are doing, and what their names are. I noticed you named a minor character (Lara) but both the male and female protagonists are nameless. The plot would be easier to follow if they have names. The descriptions are vivid good, but pay attention to redundancy and don't go deep into describing actions of characters because that doesn't leave imagination for the reader.
Technically, there are no spelling mistakes. There are grammar mistakes and word confusion that can be easily fixed through editing. Pay attention to switches between past and present tense (it'll be challenging to find those because they aren't a lot) Some words miss articles "a" and "the".
Some questions miss question marks, and pay attention to point and comma usage. Sometimes it should be a comma instead of a point (and that's why there are incomplete sentences) and sometimes vice-versa. You can cut off someone using an em-dash (—) and the elipsis are only three points (. . .) There are those lengthy words like "Gooooooooodddd" you can easily replace it with "God!" and follow it with a strong tagging verb.
Dialogue punctuation, tags, and action beats: cases on how dialogues should be punctuated.
-If the sentence is a statement: "I made coffee," he/she/they/I/my mother etc... said. (Note the comma and no capitalization)
-If the sentence is a question or exclamation. "Do you want coffee?" he asked. "Wow! You look so beautiful!" he commented.
- If the dialogue is followed by action beat: "I made coffee." He reached for two mugs from the cupboard (capitalization and point)
For more visit https://thewritelife.com/dialogue-tags/
? and ! don't exist together or more than once. (No ?! !? ?? or !!)
Your story has a good potential, and with a bit of editing, it'll shine even more! Keep writing! :)

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A Chill Down Your Spine

The story starts with an adorable girl and an even more adorable kitten, and readers would never know what's coming for them. The twist half-way through the first chapter was the hook for me. It's disturbing definitely, and you should warn readers about that, but the descriptions are so vivid and crisp that I can see the images in my head. Your writing style just tells how talented you are. Anastasia and Nadia are sadistic, and I can't help but think that a past experience happened with them that led them to their current life. I want to see how Anastasia's character is going to change and develop, what kind of turning event will turn her life upside down, and how she will react to such an event. The only unreasonable thing I found through these chapters is Nadia walking around the house right after she gave birth and with a placenta still in her body—unless she got rid of it someway.
Anyway, you have good and scary material that gave me the chills!!
Technically, there're tiny punctuation mistakes. Pay attention to comma usage—sometimes it should be a point. ? and ! don't exist together or more than once. (No ?! !? ?? or !!) Also, numbers under 101 should be spelled out in letters.
You're talented, and from what I've read, "Anastasia" has a great potential to become a thrilling and gripping story. Amazing job! Keep writing! :)

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The First Fall

I've finished reading your amazing and warm story more than a week ago, and I really enjoyed every bit of it, including the song.
You have a good plot and a great and diverse cast of characters, and I couldn't help but feel that Jamie is so close in character to you. Your characters are so realistic, starting from their different thoughts about Christmas and how they tackle their problems, and ending with their relationships with one another. I love how Jamie and Elle interact and support one another. Kade and Jamie are so adorable and I love how this chemistry and attraction between them bloomed into love. And the fight between Elle and Scott was so funny I couldn't help but picture it. You even showed us that Christmas isn't a perfect holiday for everyone, but what makes it whole is having your favorite people around you. I'm always amazed by your knowledge of history, old movies, and songs. And what completed everything was your song—I left a comment on the video by the way.
Technically, there's repetition of using 'as' to show that something is happening right when something else is happening. There are also tiny mistakes in dialogue punctuation, check this link if you want: https://thewritelife.com/dialogue-tags
I loved your story, Jo, and I enjoyed every bit of it. I hope it's not late to say, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!! 👑❤

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Delightful!

You might not know, Gwen, but what you're doing by putting this heartwarming and sweet story up for us to read is draw smiles on people's faces and gift them with hope. "All I Wish For Christmas" in all its aspects and perspectives is an amazing story, written with a heart flowing with love and kindness.
I must say, I loved every bit of it. You have a very unique, one-of-a-kind plot, because I've never read such a plot before, and even though your characters aren't human, they're so realistic.
Tilly is so close to the heart, and I bet a lot of readers thought that her personality is just like theirs—well, at least that's what I thought. I love how realistic she is, struggling with a crush, heartbreak, and then finally finding true love. You showed us how Tilly gradually grew up and discovered different aspects of life, learned new things, and experienced different emotions. And the way you pour Christmas Spirit in every tiny detail, from the flirting to cursing and even the wedding ceremony was adorable and funny. I like how you didn't ignore Alexa and the other minor characters as well.
As much as Christmas is heartwarming, you made it more and more delightful. You explain the idea of Christmas in a way close to the hearts—this story is so close to kids' minds as well—I love that even naughty kids need and deserve hope and that Christmas is truly not restricted to one religion. It's for all the people in the world and everybody deserves to enjoy it.
You brought joy to the world through this story, and I'm sure this joy and hope and love will rebound and find its way to you for as many years to come!
Merry Christmas!! 💜🎄

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The Scrupulous Gentleman

I don't know where to start, there are positive and negative comments I'm going to mention, so excuse me if I sound harsh.
Firstly, you must know and be sure that your story has potential, as the events are well planned and plotted and each of your characters is unique in their own way. The chapters are excruciatingly long, and you started the story by narrating about the usual life of Edmund. Usually, when starting a story, it's favorable for readers to start with something happening. Start with drama. Stir action. Raise questions. So, to me, your story started when Edmund bumped into Stella. That's when something changed in his life and he had to take the journey and help Stella. Starting with something happening at the very beginning of the story gets the readers hooked and keeps them looking for answers to their questions. Chapter one should be short and catchy.
Your characters are unique. There's Edmund, who seems rude and irresponsible at first, but is actually trying to help Stella, and trying to teach her about real life. Then there's Stella, the spoiled princess. I never got to understand her; she was jumping from one emotion to another in fractional seconds.
Technically, your writing style tells the story instead of showing it. You're always narrating events, being very detailed with characters' actions, which leaves no space for readers' imagination; and I couldn't feel anything as you kept telling. Showing vs telling is a major issue in writing. Describing emotions, body language, and using figurative speech helps with showing what's happening, and allows readers to bond better with the characters.
Pay attention to some switches from present to past tense, and pay attention to repetition of words, and even phrases and sentences that describe the same situation. You tend to use forms of sentences a lot like "X does something AS Y does another" and "X begins to do something..." And you use 'say' a lot. Using strong verbs helps replace weak adverbs. For example: instead of "Stella says irritated as she turns away from him" you can say "Stella snaps and looks away."
Pay attention to comma usage, try reading aloud to know where to put the comma.
Overall, the story is good, and has potential and I enjoyed it!
Nice work!

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Die For Love

Firstly, excuse my long review because I tend to be thorough, and excuse me if I sound harsh.
You've started your story nicely by throwing Annie into trouble and creating tension and raising questions. At first, your introduction of characters and the way you gave information about them was smooth and clear, and the story was gliding smoothly, then everything felt rushed.
There were some unreasonable things. For example, why would Annie keep silent about the that fact that she's in danger and is being threatened by Thomas? Isn't that's how she's causing a family meltdown? She's not being brave if she keeps the thought to herself even if she wants the safety of her family. It is not a display of bravery or cowardice in this case. This is about her safety. When it's about your safety, you don't care who's going to believe you or not as long as they'll help you. Also, why did Annie leave Karie alone at night if she was scared for her family? Karie, the 9-year-old was thinking more like a grown-up.
I kept asking myself if this is a love story or not, because I didn't feel a display of love. All what I saw is Thomas the psychopath whom I didn't know how he fell for Annie, and an attraction between toddlers that suddenly grew to love over the passing years.
Annie's story and Katie's story could've been put in two different novels because they have absolutely nothing to do with each other, regardless of their mother-daughter relationship. You could've given Annie's story more space and added more events. Maybe you could've started with how Annie met Thomas in law school, how he was before becoming a psychopath, the incident that caused Thomas to be kicked out of law school, and how Annie met Donald and they fell in love.
Karie and John's story could also have more events, like how things changed for them when they separated when they were kids. There first meeting was after eight years, and they instantly fell in love? Hearts do change. Think of your characters' motives and let them rule their lives.
Another thing that wasn't realistic was that John was able to defeat Son Lee after training for twelve days only. What, did he pull an all-nighter and stay alive like that? Also, what attorney would make a fight that is aiming to kill someone as a legal fight? I didn't think it was romantic to be proposed to and get married at a boxing ring. Karie was so against the fight, and I don't know how she married a man covered in blood.
Despite all this, I liked your guts. Kudos to you that you were able to finish a novel, this is not an easy task. I noticed you have a good way of delivering heavy emotions and building tension, and the story has a smooth flow.
Technically, there's a lot to tell:
1- I don't know how everybody looks like. I don't know their features, their hobbies, what makes them realistic, and makes the reader relate to them.
2-Pay attention to repetition, this is a serious issue. You use the words 'thought' and 'suddenly' a lot. And you use the words 'feeling' and 'felt' a lot. As I said before, you know how to deliver emotions, but try to reduce the usage of the word 'feel' and other sensory words (hear, smell, see.) There are always stronger verbs to use. There is also another case of repetition where you repeat the same sentence but with different words. Take for example in chapter 18: "Tears kept running down the cheek of Karie as she sat opposite Victoria." This sentence here, tells us that Katie is seated across from Victoria and that she's crying. What about the sentence right after it? It says the same thing, right? Also, in chapter 7, you used the pronoun 'her' a lot that I got confused about whether Annie or Karie was talking.
3-Why do you use em-dashes (—) to finish your sentences? Are your characters cutting each other off all the time?
4-Pay attention to switches between past and present tense. Use one tense to narrate your story.
5-Word confusion: example: in chapter 11: met and not meant/ sit and not seat/ beckoned and not beacon. Chapter 6: dismissed and not demised.
6-Grammar mistakes include subject-verb agreement and possessive nouns: Annie's voice/ Thomas's over speed/ Adults' talk. There are always missing ('s)
7-Punctuation and usage of dialogue tags and action beats. Check this link, I'm sure it helps: https://thewritelife.com/dialogue-tags
Other things you should pay attention for (I know I'm nitpicky)
In chapter 1: When Annie checked her watch and it was 10:21 pm, you meant am, right? Because Karie's birthday was on 3pm.
In chapter 2 you mistook Annie for a guy, and in chapter 19 you mistook Son Lee for a girl.
Check if all your sentences are complete sentences.
I know I'm saying a lot and it's absolutely not my place to tell you what to do, but writing a novel isn't only about the story plot and the characters, technicality is also important if you want your readers to be relaxed while reading and to understand what's happening.
I enjoyed reading your story and you clearly have a lot in store. You have the talent and all you need to do is polish your story.
Nice work! Keep writing!

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A Black Rose

Firstly, before I delve into my review, I want to mention that what I write are my honest thoughts, so excuse me if I sound harsh.
Something Domestic surprised for me, and left me questioning life. The story sheds light on the dark part of the world we're living in- the part that's almost always neglected, the one overflowing with danger- and discusses very delicate and sensitive matters. It's realistic, and I must mention that it's brave of you to discuss such issues. The beginning of the story wasn't very catchy, but I had to continue reading to know what's the deal with Charisse. The story is good, and the plot is good too, but I had this feeling that you were rushing.
At first, you were narrating Charisse's actions (what she does everyday and what she wear) and it felt as if you weren't yet used to your characters or you hadn't understood them well enough to write about their feelings in a way that readers would feel and get to bond with them. At first, I couldn't feel a thing, then I went mad and sad at the sametime. Mad when Charisse and Kendrick were moving fast with their relationship (until they realized so), and sad when I learned what happened to Charisse. It was a whole load of sadness and pain, and I'm sure you struggled while writing it, so kudos to you on that. The way you introduced your characters and solved each mystery was at first smooth and casual, and definitely shocking, but then things were happening abruptly and it was rushed. The story contains a lot of thrilling and scary and mysterious events, and it would've been beautiful if you've given the story more space to unfold because there were some stuff that were confusing. For instance, I kept wondering whether Maria knew that her daughter was attacked or not, and who knows about the selling deal, and why Charisse didn't tell her mother about the attack. For example, why mix the scene when Charisse was with the detective while her mother was being murdered together? it felt more like watching a movie than reading a story. Also, Joshua being in contact with Charisse's real father was totally covert and there wasn't a tiny hint that helped me realize it. And referring to Charisse as Marie Rose while she didn't yet learn her real name was confusing.
However, the way Charisse changed and gradually became stronger and stood up for herself and the way things turned out in the end were pretty shocking. It really proves that some people who are severely wounded end up with toxic minds that need a lot of care and love to be cured. Charisse ended up as a black rose. It would've been so lovely if there was some kind of counseling on how to deal with such situations.
Also, please add a trigger warning sensitive content right before all your chapters because some readers who'd stumble upon your story might have a similar experience and that would be traumatic. It's not enough to rate it as 18+
Technically, there're some missing words, typos, and some verbs switched to present tense while you're writing in past tense. I noticed you tend to narrate a lot using simple sentences and repeating the same sentences structure, while you can rephrase your sentences in a way that makes them reflect an image and capture the reader better. Also, in those paragraphs where you tell us what is Charisse going to wear, instead of saying She.... She... She... in simple sentences, use conjunctions to join your sentences together. Pay attention to repetition and usage of dialogue tags. When using said tags other than asked (whispered, yelled, muttered, mumbled, etc...) the dialogue should end with a comma and the pronoun should not be capitalized. Same case when you use 'asked' but the dialogue ends with ? Also question marks and exclamation marks do not exist together (it happened once) and by chapter 20 Charisse's eyes became hazel while they were blue.
Excuse me for being nitpicky! I enjoyed reading Something Domestic even though it was a sad story, but you gave it a very realistic ending, and not all writers can do that. Kudos to you on the effort you spent writing your story! Keep it up!

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Interesting start!

Wow, what a start. You're doing a great job, and way to start Adeline's story with an event that flipped her life upside down. The first chapter is short, but it's kinda capturing and rich. The way you introduced Adeline and gave us information about her from the very first chapter was smooth and clear and it didn't feel forced or heavy at all. I love how things are unfolding and I smell trouble actually. Apparently, Adeline was a badass!!
Technically, your grammar is good, there are a few typos, one missing word, and you mistook Kristian for a girl at the end of chapter three. I advise you to reread your chapters and I'm sure you will easily locate the mistakes. Regarding punctuation, it seems you understand the rules of dialogue punctuation. When using 'I say' or 'I mumble' like in chapter two, the dialogue should end with a comma if it's a statement. Same with Silas. It should be "I'm sorry I don't know the dialogue," Silas says. It should also end with a comma. Keep your tense consistent, I noticed you switch from present to past tense.
That's all. It's a good start and I'm going to continue reading Adeline May!

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Rose

I finally finished reading Rose, and I must tell you: you're doing a great job! Firstly, I think you have technical problems regarding your chapters because there are five chapters that are repeated in the end.
This review is for you to benefit from, and since I'm known for my thorough reviews, I hope I can cover all the issues.
I'm amazed by your ability to keep your readers engaged, how you hooked them from the prologue and the first chapter by throwing Rose in a pinch, and how you keep us asking questions and moving onto the next chapters to know more. You know how to build tension and suspense and keep adding up to the mystery of Rose's life. The events are planned, and it's intriguing enough. The world building is also good, and it's good how you feed your readers with information about your characters and the settings instead of dumping things all at once. There are a few things that confused me. I still don't know how Rose's money disappeared in chapter one. Also, you refer to Jennet as Rose's stepmother. A stepmother is the woman who marries the father of a child when their mother dies, so actually, Jennet is Rose's legal guardian and not her stepmother, right? Also, I sometimes got confused with genders like when you referred to Rose's teacher as she then as he (same case when Jennet appears in the latest chapters)
The characters are definitely intriguing, although Rose annoys me a little bit. She has that determination to do anything, but once she's faced with the first trouble, she easily surrenders. However, she did prove how brave she is in the latest chapters. Oh, and she's funny and crazy at the same time. Damien also confused me a bit, first he looks at Rose with what she describes as unshed tears, and then in the next chapter, he glares at her. Also, jumping from not trusting him to kissing him in chapter 12 was kinda abrupt and it felt like he took advantage of Rose. Their relationship is quite complicated. There are other things too, if you want I can mention them in the comments.
Technically, there's a lot to mention. Things you should pay attention for include repetition- ranging from repetition of words to repetition of sentence structures as well as character features. For example, in chapter 3 paragraphs 27 and 34 (it sounds freakish that I mentioned paragraph numbers, but I ended up giving your story a lot of thought) you use the same sentence structure which is periodic interruptive sentence (starts with dependent clause and ends with independent) I know it helps build tension and prepare for the big blow, but it also kinda sets the paragraph in monotone.
You tend to describe detailed actions of the characters which leaves no room for reader's imagination. Your descriptions are nice, but you tend to use the word 'feel' a lot while you can rephrase your sentences in a better way that conveys emotions by describing body language and using figures of speech. Try to decrease using the verb 'feel' and the sensory verbs like 'hear and see' Let us hear Rose's crazy pulse more!!! Also, with rephrasing and editing, you'll notice that you can convey thoughts with less number of words. Sometimes a verb is enough to show how the character is doing something, so using an adverb is not important.
Regarding punctuation and grammar: comma usage is very important as it changes the meaning of your sentences (check chapter 9) Pay attention to tense consistency; you switch from present to past tense in the same paragraph (check the last two paragraphs in chapter 3 for example. Note that there are many others) Pay attention to usage of prepositions, subject-verb agreement mistakes, as well as missing apostrophes (the title in chapter 10) and some typos here and there. Using Microsoft Editor for grammar check will help. Also, keep action beats with their respective dialogues on the same line otherwise the readers will be confused. Regarding dialogue punctuation, there are rules. Try this link and hope it'll help. https://thewritelife.com/dialogue-tags
I really enjoyed reading Rose to its latest chapters and can't wait to know whether Rose and Damien will survive or not. Excuse my long review and hope you all the best!

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That Gave Me the Chills!

What a ride, and I'm still waiting to know what'll happen to Maddy next!
Firstly, way to start with something happening because that's one way to hook your readers. I like that there's a moral from Soul Mate, that is to direct and instruct teenagers about the danger of getting introduced to someone online and trusting them with deep secrets.
The flow is smooth, and each twist makes you turn to the next page, and Maddy's character is intriguing. In my opinion, she's actually naive since she fell in the same trap that Sadie fell in, but she's also innocent, brave, and I like the fact that her friend's memory is so dear to her.
I did connect with Maddy as a protagonist, but it took me some time as you kept wavering between telling and showing. I wanted to know a lot of things starting from how Maddy looks like to what was on her mind when she was in Sadie's room and how did she quickly escape from Jamie's grip. At that moment, it felt as if her sense of danger was fleeting and I couldn't feel her anger. Here you're supposed to describe body actions and show more emotions. In some other scenes, you were doing that, which means you get the concept of showing and not telling. I thought maybe you needed some time to get used to Maddy and live in her skin to feel her.
Technically, there are some typos that can be easily fixed through editing. I noticed you use said tags a lot and even mix them with adverb, but instead, you can use a strong verb that can replace the weak adverb. For example, instead of "I say quietly" you can say "I mumble/ I mutter/ I whisper/ I utter" and instead of "he whispers dangerously" it can be "he hisses/ he growls" Also if you want to use capitals for yelling, don't say 'I shout at the top of my lungs' because I guarantee we can hear her screaming.
Question marks and exclamation marks aren't used together or more than once. It happened only once but I have to tell you about it.
Pay attention to switching between present and past tenses and keep monologue of the same person on one line. There's also dialogue punctuation and dialogue tags, to which I'll provide links: https://self-publishingschool.com/dialogue-tags
https://thewritelife.com/dialogue-tags
Soul Mate is great story with good potential and I enjoyed reading it so far. Can't wait to know what's going to happen next! The biggest mistery is why that guy wants to kill a teenage girl! Keep writing!! :D

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The Modern Romeo and Juliet

Firstly, allow me congratulate you and thank God for giving you the power and the wit to produce such an amazing piece of art. It's art. What I've been reading for the past ten days was definitely art.
Excuse my long review, but I tend to be honest and thorough.
I honestly don't know where to start. The plot is amazing, creative, and first of it's kind (I've never read something like this before), and the way you dealt with each piece of the story is quite smart and funny. You know when to proceed through your story, when to give the reader a breather, and when to jam it with emotions that the reader feels overwhelmed as much as the character is.
Andromeda (I must say you have a knack in choosing names) is a complex character. She struggles with self-loathing and bullying due to the birthmark on her face, and she's satisfied with staying alone in her safe bubble without coming in contact with anyone, yet she's a talented writer, and a loving sister who came up with this idea to finish a life-long feud between her family and that of her sister's boyfriend, and this plan forced her out of her bubble. Nice job making your character uncomfortable with her own skin (it's a figure of speech.)
At first, when you showed how lovely Andy's family was and what a cozy atmosphere they make, I thought Andy was a strong female lead and has a good life, but it gradually turned out she was not. And this is good; the reality of her being weak is good; it's good to learn a bit more about the main character through each chapter instead of lumping everything you know about her in one go. This makes the reader eager to continue reading. Although, I'm a bit annoyed with the fact that I'm always not mentally prepared whenever Andy bursts into tears. The girl cries out of the blue and I always don't see it coming.
Unlike what you said in your final note about not trusting your characters enough, I felt quite the opposite while reading. It's like you gave the reins to your characters and let them carry on with their emotions and dialogue, although sometimes it got really witty (especially Andy and Dan) that I had to reread it, and other times it got really funny I laughed to my heart content.
Speak of the devil, I loved how you introduced Daniel T., and when he turned out to be a nerd I was so happy. It was funny watching Dan and Andy fall into rhythm and outsmart one another.
Controlling the pace of the story is a completely different issue. I felt how relaxed you seemed and it was comfortable the way you approached the essence of the plot and the backstory of the family feud. It was all in a slow and understandable and not a dragging manner. Seriously, NOT A DULL MOMENT. The nice thing is that there's a lot happening on Andy's side of the story that I wanted to continue reading from her POV (even if she wasn't the narrator, it was her story) and when reality downed on her and she had to direct the play, and when she first stood up for herself, there was Andromeda Sharpe at the beginning of a transformation process.
About Shakespeare and his play, you must love drama so much to be so engrossed in it. I've never thought of reading Shakespeare's plays but I understand the story of Romeo and Juliet. However, when I read it and learned about it from your POV, it amazed me how deep you delved into understanding every aspect of the play and choosing the right characters to play it. That, and the scene with Mrs. L was so creative. Actors and writers as well need to practice brain flexibility. The way you put each of your characters as a character from the play means you've created deviations and experienced different versions of the same characters. It's like creating new characters, and when you poured modern language into it, saying it's genius is understatement.
Of all the supporting characters, I loved Andy's Mom and Brian the most. The mother was so understanding, as she always made sure to get the point to her daughters without breaking them. Also, Brian's timing to come and rescue Andy was always the best, although I always wished it'd be Dan. But the story can't proceed without giving the couple a bit of trouble. There were several chapters I've read with a hollow pit in my stomach; I got too attached to Galaxy Girl that I felt every bit of her being throughout the story. How she struggled to make the play as perfect as she can make it, how hard it was to face Daniel with all the misunderstanding rising between them (even though she was dense about the fact that he was jealous) and how hard it was after her face-off with Sharon.
Which brings me to this; I feel that Sharon's backstory was quite abrupt. I understand that you had to patch things up between her and Andy, but when Andy apologized for slapping Sharon and the latter gave a satisfactory smile, I was ocked to find her crying and apologizing to Andy later. It would've been more realistic if Sharon was in almost-imperceptible shock instead of being satisfied with Andy's apology. Sharon was also living in a state of hatred that she had to blame someone for the things that happened to her.
But I like how things turned out at last; how Andy was finally able to forgive her rival, direct a genius version of Romeo and Juliet, and live the horrors of almost living such a tragedy due to her dad and Daniel's. Can I be proud of someone else's character? Because I'm proud of Andy.
About Mason Jar and Sweet Tea, I believe it's a nice add to the story, a sweet and smart short story, and another evidence that you're so good at juggling more than twenty characters in the same stage. The fact that some are based on real-life people is intriguing, this shows how much a writer can use from life instead of watching it move on through their window.
Technically, since I'm known for being a grammar police, there're few grammatic mistakes and punctuation mistakes. I've never read a novel (outside this platform) where exclamation points and question marks are used more than once or used together, although it's a pass in the case of Daniel and Andy's notes.
Again, excuse my rambling.
It's an amazing story, and amazing doesn't even begin to describe it. Honestly, you're a master of a marvelous stage, and I enjoyed reading your story and riding this roller coaster of emotions.
Your story deserves to be published and I hope one day to see it winking at me from my bookshelf.

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Mommy's Lil Angel

I don't know where to start, but I've gotta say you did a great job in creating a story that is a mix of both horror and humor. It's rare to see both these aspects balanced in a story, and the way you shift from narrating old memories to narrating what's happening in the present time doesn't get the reader confused at all.
Although horror is not my favorite genre, I should be honest with you and say that the story got me hooked. It started in an entirely bizarre setting (who starts a story in an underground sewer?) and that generated a lot of questions and made me want to continue reading.
I felt sorry for Chris after reading his backstory and Julian freaked me out, it is a creative move to use the most adorable creatures on earth to be the villains.
The reason I put three stars for grammar and punctuation is because you have a small punctuation problem that can be solved by rereading your chapters before submitting.
I recommend your story for anyone who likes horror with a bit of humor and unexpected twists.
Nice work!!

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Enchanting!

I didn't read the first book because this review is upon your request, but while I was reading The Final Note, I couldn't help thinking "I've gotta read the first book to know what happened!" because the system of the story, the heart of it, and the way you built it is all initiated in the first book, but I have this feeling that the notion of soulmates in the story will be broken because I could sense an existing chemistry between Ian and Sarina.
The story has a smooth flow, and the way you finished each chapter with a cliffhanger made me want to continue, but to make your chapters more appealing to the readers, avoid word and phrases repetition. For example in chapter 5: the reader knows that the dialogue is happening between Celine and Sarina, so there's no need to mention Celine's name in every bit of the dialogue. Also, pay attention to the punctuation and no need to use dialogue tags all the time, mix it up with action beat!
It's a good story, and I loved how I could sympathize with Sarina; it means that she's a strong and affecting female lead.
Good work, and looking forward to more chapters!!

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Breaking and Mending Hearts

After reading your novel and finishing with your final note, I ended up smiling through my tears. Thank God for giving you the ability and the creativity to craft such a magical novel, and to take your readers on a ride aboard the grand Titanic.
This review is my thoughts and opinion about your novel- which are a lot- regarding everything, so excuse the length, for I tend to be thorough.
For me, the story started in chapter 2, when I learnt that Daniel had passed away and Sierra was mourning her loss. At first, the events were slow and I found myself wanting to get on-board and hear the events through Sierra's voice already. The way you wrote your letters varied between being able to pour events and show them colorfully to the point that I got entranced and forgot that it was a letter, and between narrating events where emotions could've been conveyed in a rich way with better phrasing of sentences. It felt as it took you some time to relax into writing, and that's why showing and not telling as well as dialogues appeared through the middle of a lot of chapters. Sometimes I thought that maybe the fact that Sierra is writing letters is what's limiting her to express her feelings, and it felt weird when she wrote about her night with Henri after the confession in the form of a letter to her father.
Your characters are amazing and intriguing!! Starting from our lady, Ms. Sierra Charmonte who had the curiousity of a kid, the determination and guts of a warrior, and an ocean of pure love for everybody in her life. I love that you gave her a background and showed us her past in Philippines, then showed how her memory is linked to her curiosity. You made her into a high-class lady who didn't care about classes, and that's how her interactions with her beloved Jane and Alec were so rich yet nonchalant.
As much as Sierra was confused about her feelings toward Henri and Alec, I was confused too. But with the additional chapters of Henri's memories- btw that guy is my favorite character- and their intimate interactions later into the story, it felt that Sierra's bond with Henri is much stronger and deeper than hers with Alec.
Jane was adorable, caring, and cherishing her best and only friend. Ms. Abram was very strict that I might pull my hair out if she was my mentor, but I understand her overprotective behavior toward Sierra. Alec sounded wicked at first and I felt he was hiding something ever since he showed up out of the blue. But, for him to be betrothed to Sierra, that was unexpected, and I must congratulate you 'cause you did a great job hiding it. See, when I learnt all that, my heart broke. Because Alec gave up on her even though he knew she's his destined person, and that meant to me that he loved her truly because he wanted Sierra to be happy with the person she chose.
Now, to Mr. Heartbreaker. Chapter 27 is my favorite because Henri broke my heart that instant. Sierra's and Henri's love was evident. Their pain. Their heartbreak. I felt every bit of it. When I learnt Sierra was betrothed, it broke my heart. Her happiness was bound to someone she doesn't know (well at that moment.)
I know, mixed emotions and everything.
I wonder if I'm making sense anymore. The flow of the story was so smooth and the idea of the Titanic was capturing that I couldn't put the story down. The way you described every nook and hall and deck of Titanic, and the way you built tension for the scene of wrecking the ship, it was all so magical. I declare myself a horrified passenger on the ship. That 'INK SPLATTERS' was the beginning of the heartbreak. BTW, nice phrasing.
Then there was that moment when Henri died, and I felt that Sierra's reaction was kind of delayed. That was a moment where you could've described Sierra's voice, the ache of her heart. Her screams that should've rattled through her being. I teared up a bit, but in this scene, you could've made readers cry.
By the time I reached chapter 46, I started begging for a happy ending because Sierra suffered a lot of pain, and I'm really glad she got it.
I loved your story, and there's a sentence that made
me think 'That's me!' Quoting you from chapter 44, "Once I love someone, I will tell and show them how much for in a blink of an eye, it can be gone."
It's evident how much effort- how much of your soul and heart you poured into crafting this piece. Yes, it's a piece of art where I could hear and feel most of it. I like how invested you were in the history of the past days, from technology to fashion to culture and even music. Your music taste is interesting, and the music you used wasn't just for musicians to play on the ship, but also to give a sound to the scenes you were writing. I said it before and I say it again, this ride was as elegant as Beethoven's sonata.
Technically, I mentioned before that it felt as if you took some time to relax into writing your characters and understanding them, and that's why your scenes ranged between telling and showing. There were times when you narrated and I truly wanted to feel something for the characters but I couldn't, and other times when emotions went high and I was content.
Lots of sentences could be phrased better which would give smoothness to the letters being written. One example is from chapter 3: "...but his eyes indicated a thousand words." 'Indicated' isn't a strong verb that conveys feelings. The issue in this case lies in using the verb 'feel' a lot, as well as sensory verbs like 'see' and 'hear.' Try to reduce the usage of the verb 'feel' because your sentences have emotional depth that could be shown beautifully.
Regarding tenses, I noticed that you switch a lot between past and present tenses- I'm not talking about the tense used in letters and that used for memories for example- it's about tenses within the same paragraph.
Pay attention to the punctuation of dialogues and their corresponding tags and action beats. I'll provide a link (excuse my tardiness) about the rules. https://thewritelife.com/dialogue-tags
Also, exclamation marks and questions marks aren't used together or more than once. And you switched from 3rd to 1st POV in chapter 45.
Overall, The Letters of Sierra Charmonte is an amazing ride, and I enjoyed reading every bit of it. I couldn't put it down, and I really hope it'll get published one day because whoever isn't reading it is missing a lot. Congratulations on finishing your piece of art, and I'm glad I had the chance to read it again and finish it!
You're amazing! Don't stop writing, who knows what that creative mind of yours will come up with!

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Spirit of Fire

Sincerely, I don't know to describe the way I'm fascinated by your story, it got me hooked from the very first chapter. I loved the plot, the uniqueness of the characters and how you manage to show their quirks in their personalities, and the vivid descriptions that made me feel like living in the world you created.
Some readers might find it boring that you ventured in describing the smallest details of the settings, but to me it felt nice how you never forgot any of the details and delivered them in an elegant and creative manner. It showed that Saffire's life was an array of colors. And then you moved from the safety of her house to the wilderness of the outside world. It's not the setting and the descriptions, but it's also the way I felt about Saffire. I could sense her momentary sadness, her fear of doing something she believes is bigger than her, her doubt, I could feel the weight of the events that tipped her life from peaceful to chaotic. It's like not only you've got magic in your story, but you've got magic running in your veins too.
It's captivating and it made me feel that you're immersed into the world you're creating.
Keep up the nice work! I wanna read more of your future stories.

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Enchanting!!

To be honest with you, I haven't finished reading it yet but if I stay silent about this, I might burst out of joy.
Child of the Flowers, what a magical and captivating story!! And it's true that what a person writes tells a lot about their personality. You are a creative person with a vivid imagination and I'm really fascinated by your ability to create such a complex and colorful world. Starting from the constantly changing scenery which you never fail to deliver the image of, and ending with the characters who possess unique personalities, attitudes, and even back stories. It's the perfect amount of description, narration, and dialogue, and although the chapters are long, I feel immersed into the story and it's true that ommiting a apart or changing the outline of the chapter might ruin the flow of the story. I sympathize with Skye and especially love her determination and the care she holds for her friends although it's not yet clear to me what she's trying to do, and why does everyone hate her or feel intimidated by her. But I feel love is waiting for her just around the corner.
It's a creative story that fueled my creativity from the first chapter, and I always find myself making time to read from it.
Amazing job! Keep enchanting us with your magic!! ♡

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Ray of Sunshine

For a person who's native language isn't English, you are doing a good job not giving up, but since my job is to give an honest review, I'm gonna point out some things.
Firstly, while telling your story, you have to use one tense of verbs, either the present or the past. Do not mix the two tenses while you're telling events that are happening in one tense or time. There are also other complex tenses like past participle that you should pay attention to. There is verb and even word confusion for example in chapter 19, you mean to use *abandoned* instead of *abundant* to describe that the house has been left for a long time.
Secondly, pay attention to punctuation marks. Read what you've written before submitting and note where to add a coma (for a pause) and where to add a point (for a full stop) because otherwise the reader will be confused.
Thirdly, the flow of the story is very fast and the events are rushed, you gotta slow down and describe a bit about the characters feelings.
That's all I've gotta tell you. You're doing a much better job than anyone who isn't trying and I'm sure I'll return to your story once polished. If you need any help, don't feel shy of asking, we are here to support you. :)

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A Love Story from the Heart

Love is definitely the most sophisticated feeling God has planted in our hearts. It’s holy, wholesome, and unconditional when it comes to mothers and children. Free, moreish, and joyful when it comes to life and the challenges it brings. Fiery, undulating, and blind when it comes to romance.

In this artfully crafted short story, not only did Gwen sum up the journey of her life, which is rich with experiences, but she also spoke from the heart—from the literal POV of her kind heart—showing how this unrelenting organ fights and keeps beating with life despite what the world has in store.

Gwen, I had the chance to know you more in 1000 words.Thank you for this lovely read. You have surpassed your limits once again!🌻

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Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered publisher, providing a platform to discover hidden talents and turn them into globally successful authors. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books our readers love most on our sister app, GALATEA and other formats.