Jordan

Hooked!

While this is only the prologue, I feel as if a lot of thought was poured into it! It makes me want to read the actual story too, which is something most prologues surprisingly miss (as they are more of a sneak-peek scene meaning little to the storyline than an actual depicture of the world the story is set in).

Good luck!

:3

Sometimes grammar is a little off, BUT I LOVE THE STORY SO MUCH I CAN'T POSSIBLY RATE IT LESS THAN 5!!!

Keep up the good work!

Unique and Awesome!

The idea, and the entire plot, is woven beautifully! While there may be a little issues with past/present tense, the craft was perfected. It was very metaphorical, but not in the way where you use so many that it confuses everyone who reads it.

The romance scenes were well thought out, I can tell, and though I haven't read the entire book, I can tell this so going to become a very good novel.

Write on!

Interesting

This is the first story I've found on this site that
a.) Is written entirely in present tense
b.) Includes vocabulary of another language
While I cannot help you on any errors on the Spanish (or is it another language?) used - as I did not take Spanish - I can tell you that there are a few small grammatical issues. For one, I found that the mother was mentioned many times as a 'he' in the first chapter, which confused me. There are minor spelling errors - very small at that - throughout. I found the plot-line very unique and interesting, even considering I mostly only enjoy thing with excessive action. Congrats on getting this far, I'm surprised this isn't more popular!

Creative!

No, I'm not writing this review to be incredibly lazy with the star rating - I have legitimate reasons.

Firstly the plot. I felt as if at some times it is shaky, such a when they were traveling to a new place. Sometimes it needed a little more explaining of the situation; what's in an author's mind doesn't always convey to a reader perfectly. Though, this being said, I found myself enjoying the whimsical setting of this book. It is also a very original plot, mostly because it doesn't follow the "Oh no people don't believe in the Holidays we have to save them!" line.

With the writing style, I found that it was pretty solid, just needing a few more descriptors. They can really bring out the scenes of your story! The writing style is not bad in the least - just needs a few more kinks to be worked out for it to be on the bestseller list.

There are a few grammar errors - minor ones, if you will - that popped up here and there. While sentence structure was not a problem most of the time, some words were misspelled. Try reading your work out loud, to yourself or someone else, and you'll probably catch these little errors.

Overall, I felt myself enjoying the story throughout, even though it may be made for a a younger age-group

Write on!

Great Start!

I absolutely loved the plot and it kept me hooked until the very end! There was only one major issue for me, and that was the grammar. There was missing apostrophes and lack of capitalization in nearly every part, and I thought that really took away from the story. If you were to ignore the errors in spelling and such, the story idea alone would be enough to get you to stardom!

Stupendous!

I'm the kind of person who is afraid of giving less than an over all of three stars no matter how awful it is...but this actually was good! Not just good, but near-perfect! I have read thousands of words so far and have only caught a single spelling error, and that is rare with books published on a public site! You should be proud!

Amazing!

I am so intrigued with the plot right now - it is unreal! I usually don't go for this sort of writing (medieval times), but this brings along with it a whole new class of awesome! The suspense with the fifth floor, all the way down to the detailed songs in the town's square blew me away! I look forwards to reading more.

Wow...

This is not what I had expected, but that is a good thing! It reverses the cliche plot of having vampires being the ones oppressed and in hiding, and the planning throughout detailing the universe it is set in and the culture! Wow...simply amazing to see something both original and exciting once in a while!