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Would love to see this Firefly return
This ROCKS. You've got Zoe's voice down perfect and it's a great entry into the story. Her voice and the story's introduction are very engaging, the hook at the end of Chapter 1 is a real grabber, and you've got some solid laughs to boot (I especially liked "Put a dime in that jukebox...").
The only thing I'd reconsider is the line that echoes Inigo Montoya -- it takes me out of the Firefly universe and into that of The Princess Bride. However, a single humorous line that sums up Evans's code like that is very cool; I'd just change it so it doesn't sound so much like Inigo.
Other than that, I couldn't see anything else to critique. It's awesome work!
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