Natalie

Really good

So im sorry for writing this so late. Im travelling rn and havent had the time.
So here we go. I'm being really honest rn cuz im in love with ur writing style, im more of a story reader with long chapters and all so this was quite refreshing.

And u were right they were a bit vague, so abt that I really think that u can write a short story, like u have potential, if u arent yet comfortable with writing books u can write short stories say 3 to 4 chps which is not vague, with a beginning and an end.
Usually readers want a story which they can fully invest in with many chps so u can convert them into short stories.
And there are a few grammatical mistakes. U can proofread before posting ur story once to avoid any mistakes. :)

can do better

Tbh the plot is good but the wording can be better and its too cliche. Like im not saying cliches are bad but jenna is clearly obsessed with andy so it be better to explain her behaviour cuz its clearly NOT normal (caps are for emphasis)
Also the reason im saying to explain her behaviour cuz if people dont like the mc or dont empathize with her then they will not be interested in reading.
Also i hope ur planning a character development since it very much needed and fast

u need improvement

so i don't know much abt pokemon since i havent watched it for years now. the plot is good. I just wanted to say a few things
1st - no grammatical mistakes, its better to proofread. if it's ur first story then its better to make a first good impression.
2nd - wording can be better. read more books, it helps with the vocab and forming better sentences.
3rd - longer chapter, more informative.
overall the plot is good but u need to up ur writing style cuz tbh it looks like it's written by a 10 yr old.
tip - if u read more books ur vocab increases and u can express urself better :)