Plot line from Heaven (Or Hell, perhaps?)
I love the plot and I love Lucifer Junior. It's an unexpected story and I can't wait to read on. I have no doubt this mysterious female character will lead us somewhere fun.
Read the story now
The advice I have is to make it a little less of a teen fanfiction. I've been reading and writing them for years and common tell tale traits are going into precise detail of what the character is wearing and having the character immediately, confidently ask the girl out and become infatuated.
I think the fast paced introduction of her character highlights importance but maybe make him a little nervous to ask her out. She tells him everything cute about him in a long list five minutes after he knocked her paper everywhere and that would send me running!
Overall, I am sooo excited to read more and think it's such a beautifully strange story. I'll update you on my thoughts! This is a gift of a story, thank you !