Kayleigh Benham

A 16 year old with a dream of becoming a successful author. My passion for drama and reading has followed me as I've grown up.

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Hell yeah!

I did not see that coming! I sat there staring at my screen for a good minute taking it in, I love it! The plot and the characters are written beautifully. It was a smooth, easy, poetic read. My only criticism (if I'm being picky) is that descriptions like 'diseased looking' aren't as poetic as everything else.
Honestly, a wicked read.
Thank you!

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A few things x

So, I love the plot! It's interesting and the undertones of the common fairy tale make it very interesting, along with the mystery imprisonment. The jump between past and present in the girl's life or the two story lines isn't really clear, as I became a little confused, but soon caught up.
Maybe describe the look of Daniel sooner and make the reader admire him so asking her out is more of an anchored, important part of the story.
Again, I'm so intrigued at your plot! Can't wait to read on!

Thank you!

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Plot line from Heaven (Or Hell, perhaps?)

I love the plot and I love Lucifer Junior. It's an unexpected story and I can't wait to read on. I have no doubt this mysterious female character will lead us somewhere fun.
The advice I have is to make it a little less of a teen fanfiction. I've been reading and writing them for years and common tell tale traits are going into precise detail of what the character is wearing and having the character immediately, confidently ask the girl out and become infatuated.
I think the fast paced introduction of her character highlights importance but maybe make him a little nervous to ask her out. She tells him everything cute about him in a long list five minutes after he knocked her paper everywhere and that would send me running!
Overall, I am sooo excited to read more and think it's such a beautifully strange story. I'll update you on my thoughts! This is a gift of a story, thank you !

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