Kelly A. Egan

Adelaide, Australia

YA Author. Fairy Tales & Dystopia. Zombie Sympathiser. INFP. Queer Feminist Witch. Fangirl. Procrastinator Extraordinaire.

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The Fire Seal

I've read the first two chapters so far, and have found the story fast paced and easy to read. The characters are well thought out and interesting, and I'm looking forward to learning more about them. There are a few technical issues, and word choices that could use some work, also a lot of unnecessary adverbs. When Dialla meets Dmitri she touches him and the feeling she gets doesn't intensify, but it jolts into her which seems to contradict the former lack of intensity. I'm not sure how Dialla comes to the conclusion that her mother wasn't her mother though - that seemed to come out of nowhere. And while I understand the author's intention in using Harry Potter as an example - which is fine in the first chapter, the comparison shouldn't continue on too much (Muggles in chapter 2), otherwise the reader's attention focuses on the difference between this story, and HP. Overall, what I've read so far has been engaging and I think with a little more proofreading,this will be a great story.

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Overall Rating
Plot
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Cost of Revenge

This is an interesting story, I liked the concept of differentiating people by the colour of their hair and eyes, rather than their skin. I did find the writing style a little distracting. Things like 'the hooves of horses' rather than horse hooves, add unnecessary length to sentences and make them feel clunky when being read. This is however a really intriguing story with a lot of good hooks, and potential. Great job. :)

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