kyubikofang

Surviving high school by writing. Also a doodler, cinephile and ivory tickler.

No published stories yet

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A culture like no other

what captivated me in this story is the different use of culture for the story's setting. It really makes the world surrounding the characters a lot more interesting and unpredictable. The characters themselves are enjoyable and the phrase 'half-orphan' is an interesting way to put it. I'd love to see more detail and events happen between these chapters. If there was a bit of fleshing out, this could really bring life to the story. An enjoyable read overall. Keep up the good work!

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When the Hurting Game hurts your emotions

(sorry for the delayed review)
Where do I begin with this? This is probably the best story I have read on inkitt so far. The plot is well thought out, the characters are three dimensional and enjoyable, and the style is simple yet it is detailed enough to give the reader a full picture. The story reminds me of a coming of age novel I had to read in highschool called 'The Outsiders'. It has a nostalgic juxtaposition to this story, including the gangs, the characters and the incidents that occur. I think that you'd enjoy the story. A greatest thriller I have read in a while. Well done.

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exclusively 'charming'

What I love about this novel is the whole concept that really creates a foundation for this story. The idea of charms being able to tell your future, who you match with, your abilities etc is a scary but intriguing thought. I also really love the idea of having the surface and the sky worlds. the juxtaposition between the two is quite interesting (reminds me somewhat of Bioshock Infinite). The characters are enjoyable, and I cannot deal with the cuteness of Mocha the dove.

To make your writing better, I would suggest that you look back and have a quick look at the punctuation. The use of excessive exclamations eg !!!!!!!!, !?!??, or ........ isn't really needed. Having one exclamation is enough to make a character exclaim quite loudly. It simply just makes it easier for the audience to read more smoothly.

Overall, I fell in love with the concept of the story and you should be proud of your achievements. This was a wonderful read.

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An interesting mix of fantasy and dystopian

The concept of the story was quite interesting. The idea of 'abnormals' in an dystopian universe is quite unique. It's very interesting how we get to see the point of views of each of the characters. Each one of them are different, and their interactions with each other really emphasises the juxtaposition of the characters. I'd like to suggest to maybe slowly introduce the characters throughout the stories. It was quite difficult for me to figure which character was who. Also, i'd recommend splitting these into more chapters. You could really give interesting details of the universe and the plot would run more smoothly. Overall, it was a very good story to read and I believe it has great potential. Well done!

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