Khara Robinson

Great Potential

When I first started reading, I was a little confused. I didn't know what was going on. Then, it felt rushed from one topic to the next. I think the story has great potential, but needs work. The emotional side of it comes across clear and evokes an emotional response in the reader. I would suggest re-reading it to see where you repeat yourself, and shave a lot of the inner-dialogue. A lot of times readers lose interest when you have chunks of long dialogue. Try to break it up a bit.

Also, I noticed you "tell" a lot instead of showing the reader what is the going on. Don't always lead the reader, let them come to their own conclusion. I would suggest getting beta readers to help critique your work. I find it helps with the flow and getting a clear idea of how my character's voices are coming across.

Keep writing, you'll only improve. I wish I would've started writing at your age! Great job. I hope I wasn't too harsh, I just want to be honest so you can improve your craft. Good luck in your future novels.

Wounderfully wriiten and witty

I love this writer's prose! Her descriptions are amazing, and really draw you in. It didn't take a lot of imagination when reading this book because the author did an amazing job of placing you right in the thick of things. Her play on words are equally great. I don't usually read novels like this, only because I love a little romance splashed in my readings, but the style of writing kept me interested. There were only a few errors I spotted, one in particular that I had to re-read twice because it switched POV (mistakenly, I believe) which confused me and slowed me down, but other than that, flawless. I really love the relationship between Nicholas and Iziah-even though that kid drove me nuts-Nicholas has the patience of Job to deal with that kid! For a street kid, I didn't think he was very "street-smart"; however, the author did a great job in making you care about what happened to him. My favorite character is definitively nick. I would have loved to learn more about him and how he became a hit man. I would recommend getting rid of some of the inner dialogue of the characters, it slows down the pace, and I caught myself skimming through that part a lot. I want to personally say thank you for giving me a good solid ending. I need closure, especially when I'm reading a stand alone. Great job, Alex, and I look forward to reading more of your work.