Laz. R. Gray

Gut bustingly, bawdily hilarious

If you feel like setting your table in a roar. don't go past this excellent tale of kings, queens, princes, wizards, dragons,wenches and hilariously clueless drunkards. The Kingdom of Kalash has been brought to life by Dean's very witty writing style, and his deft navigation of the plot proves him to be a worthy captain of bawdy adventure indeed.

Tales of Kalash Part 1 is well thought out, and the writing style is both humorous and easy to read.

I had a rule before I read this story... No dragons! But I've been forced to amend that rule to 'No dragons, unless they reside in the Kingdom of Kalash....'

Much kudos to Dean for imagining such an hilarious, bawdy universe. Truly a fractured fairy tale with a wont to split many a side. Top marks... Really looking forward to part 2...

Definitely one for fans of Monty Python, or just anyone who isn't offended by lewd humour.

Read it, go on, have a laugh. You deserve it.

Laz.

Sieg Heil!

I found this story to be well worth the read. I'm not quite sure why I find it as amusing as I do, but I do. The theme is as terrifying as it is absurd, but overall, it's a solid idea. I'm kind of disappointed that you aren't going any further with this; I'd like to know what happens next on the campaign trail.

The technical aspects I found to be very competent. The author's writing style is clean and coherent, and the story flows well. I look forward to reading (and reviewing) more of your work.

Thanks for posting!

Caine.

A great effort

Much to touch the soul here... Though the rhyming couplets were sometimes naive, the message was one that I could readily identify with. Just one spelling error (monster - should be monsters). Keep working at these poems, you have a certain flair that, with practice, will blossom into something very worthwhile. Thanks for posting!

Feel good story telling

This Harry Potter piece was genuinely funny, with an entertaining plot, and some unexpected twists. A pleasure to read. The author has good technical skills and handles dialogue especially well.

I couldn't find much wrong with it either grammatically or in terms of spelling errors,

This author has style.

Read on, it'll make you laugh. A C.R.A.P.L.O.A.D. :)

Should have been longer...

Hi Nick,

As a survivor of depression and the deep blackness which it manifests, I couldn't help but read this work.

It's quite simplistic overall, but it manages to convey at least some of the emotion that is involved in both depressive thought and suicidal behaviour. I gave it four stars for several reasons, and I'll list them in turn.

The overall rating: The story was too short, too simplistic. It didn't manage to convince me that the teenager had any good reason to be depressed. I know this is often the case with depression - there is sometimes little or no reason, but I felt, if the story had been fleshed out more, it would have been much more convincing.

The plot: Though the plot was reasonably well thought out, again I found little motivation for the teen's depression. See above.

Writing style: Emotive writing can be extremely difficult. I needed to feel the teenager's pain much more than I did. Though the writing is competent, it lacked the feeling required to make this a serious work about the subject of depression.

Technical skills: Two obvious mistakes, which are easily fixed. You need a beta reader. Writing is an acquired skill, a craft that requires practice and experience like any other. Keep practising, and you'll improve a lot.

Having said all that, I understand why you wrote this. Please don't be disheartened by my frank review. I did like your story, and if you need a beta reader in future, don't hesitate to drop me a line.

Thanks for posting, I look forward to reading more of your work.

Cheers mate, from a fellow Aussie.

Laz.

Bravo!

This experimental piece is perhaps the best short of its genre that I've read on this site. As I have no criticisms whatsoever, I'll just heap a bit of praise upon it.

Brilliantly executed, astonishingly well written, a beautiful, dark, emotive plot.

I'll say it once more. Bravo!

Thanks for posting your excellent work. I've only four words left for you....

Don't ever stop writing.

Laz.

History brought to life

Congratulations on posting this story. The writing style is very good, though I think it may have flowed more evenly without the use of so many italics. Overuse of comma's can also interrupt the flow of a story, Other than that, the story is coherent and interesting, The author's descriptive style brought the story to life for me, and I enjoyed the characterizations very much.

Looking forward to reading further. Thanks for listening!

Caine.

Beautiful work

This short story achieves so much with so little. The emotional style is not overdone, the grammar and spelling are top notch, and the resolution comes as something of a surprise. This writer has talent, and should be included in any bibliophile's reading list.

Thanks for posting this, I genuinely enjoyed it.

A short story fit for a demigod...

I very much enjoyed this story - I'm a HP fan, and have never visited the Percy Jackson franchise, but I may well go and have a look, if this story is anything to go by. The writing style was very competent, with few grammatical/spelling issues that I could detect, and the plot moved along with a nice flow. Keep up the good work! Thanks for posting!

An engaging read

This sci-fi starter kit has a fast pace and good character development. It takes the reader on a coherent, exciting journey through an original world conceived by the author; a dystopian future where ruthless rulers rule the roost, and mutations have become fugitives, scraping together enough to survive. There are, however, certain advantages to being a mutant...

I'd suggest a good proof-reader. There are many small grammatical and spelling errors, and these can interrupt the flow somewhat, but the story was good enough for me to read in its (current) entirety.

Keep going with this, your plot has a solid premise and your writing will improve greatly with practice! I'll keep it on my reading list to catch up with new chapters.

Thanks for posting this exciting piece :)

Caine.

Great ideas!

This story explored some interesting themes from the HP universe. Well written, succinct and just a little bit sad, it nevertheless restored my faith that there are still gifted writers working out there. Kudos to the author. Nice job!