Should have been longer...
Read the story now
As a survivor of depression and the deep blackness which it manifests, I couldn't help but read this work.
It's quite simplistic overall, but it manages to convey at least some of the emotion that is involved in both depressive thought and suicidal behaviour. I gave it four stars for several reasons, and I'll list them in turn.
The overall rating: The story was too short, too simplistic. It didn't manage to convince me that the teenager had any good reason to be depressed. I know this is often the case with depression - there is sometimes little or no reason, but I felt, if the story had been fleshed out more, it would have been much more convincing.
The plot: Though the plot was reasonably well thought out, again I found little motivation for the teen's depression. See above.
Writing style: Emotive writing can be extremely difficult. I needed to feel the teenager's pain much more than I did. Though the writing is competent, it lacked the feeling required to make this a serious work about the subject of depression.
Technical skills: Two obvious mistakes, which are easily fixed. You need a beta reader. Writing is an acquired skill, a craft that requires practice and experience like any other. Keep practising, and you'll improve a lot.
Having said all that, I understand why you wrote this. Please don't be disheartened by my frank review. I did like your story, and if you need a beta reader in future, don't hesitate to drop me a line.
Thanks for posting, I look forward to reading more of your work.
Cheers mate, from a fellow Aussie.