Lewis D'Ambra

A promising start

The first few chapters do a great job of starting to build and fill out this quite strange and mysterious world. The balance between plot and world building is also really good, with the story beginning to take some interesting turns that I am sure will begin to unfold in some intriguing ways.

Overall a good start with lots of potential.

Lots of potential

I think you have the core of a good story and show lots of creativity with the songs you have included. But your chapters need to be longer and you should take some time to give us more detail on the setting and the characters. At the moment it feels as if the pace of the story is moving a little too quickly. Lots of potential in here though, keep at it and you will have a really good book.

Fun, fast paced read

Couldn't fault it. Great story and engaging fast paced style that sucks you right in, written in a fun a personal manner.

Short and sharp but intriguing

Hard to judge the plot yet as there is not much to go on. The internal torment of what is happening really comes through, but overall the story would benefit from more description of the surroundings. Less pace and more time taken to explain. A good start though.

A good start

The story dives straight into the action and does a good job of moving the plot forward whilst also building out the world that the author has created, a world which is developing into an interesting arena in which to place the story.

However, there are one or two instances of tense switching and different character's dialogue running into each other making it difficult to know who is talking on occasion. That however does not take away from an interesting read and a promising novel in the works

Interesting read

Not a genre that I would usually read, but I felt the author does a great job of exploring characters especially when it comes to emotions. There are some moments when you can really feel how raw the emotion turmoil is and for me that was the stand out element of a well constructed plot and tale.

Good read

I enjoyed the build up into the plot, the author eases you into the story nicely as you move through the same journey as Cassidy in establishing herself in a new city. The author also does a great job of fleshing out the characters and developing their dynamics and personalities in a way that is believable and realistic. My only criticism is on the style, this is a personal one that not everyone will share, but the shift in tone between third person narration and first person can feel a little awkward at times.

Fast paced and engaging

Thrown straight into the action, you immediately get bundled up into the feels, thoughts and wants of Jaycee. Its a fast paced, suspense filled and harrowing vision that leaves you wondering and wanting to know more. Great read.

Promising start (reviewed at chapter 1)

The author has a really good descriptive writing style that pulls you into the world in a gentle way that I enjoyed. Already in chapter 1 I can see the plot beginning to present itself, but not too much information as to be overloaded. The characters seemed relatable with human emotions and issues, but with clear research and understanding from the author of their chosen setting.

I did notice one or two typos but nothing a good edit couldn't clean up. Overall a promising start.

Fun read

A great fantasy story with an interesting world and characters that the author has made relatable with believable interactions between them. The plot is good with many layers to it ranging from the intricate to the epic. There is some room for editing and a bit of cleaning up the text, but overall a really good piece of writing.

Great read

Drawn in right from the start, the plot develops in an intriguing way sucking you in as you slowly learn more and more and get a clearer picture of what is going on. The author's writing style only adds to that sense. I'm very interested to find out what happens next.

An intriguing read

Straight away you are dropped into a cruel world of slavery and abuse, and learn from a first hand perspective what effect that has on the main character and those around her. But quickly you are then introduced into a world of magic and the book takes you on an intriguing journey from there.

I did notice a couple of spelling mistakes and you could break some of your sentences down into short ones to let your trader catch their breath, but those minor points didn't detract from the overall book

Fast paced and intense

The pov style makes for a very intense experience and the way pace of the story only adds to that. The characters are developing nicely with an interesting mix of real world worry and almost surreal sadism. There is also a good background of humour at the right level to keep the drama of the story but lighten things up on occasion too. Im interested to see how the plot develops with the mix of myth and mafia.

I did notice one or two spelling errors, but nothing major that detracted from the story.

An enticing start

This first chapter is a promising start, dropping you right into the action with a writing style that puts you right at the heart of events. It promises a story that is going to give a good balance between intriguing character development as well as build an exciting and interesting tale.

Fast paced and flowing

The story is fast paced in this eclectic and fun fantasy tale with plenty of action punctuated with plenty of well constructed dialogue that does a good job of building and developing out the characters, especially Toby who comes across as quite a layered and complicated character.
One or two mistakes with tense switching and word choice, but that doesn't detract from an overall enjoyable and intriguing story with an interesting world and fantastical elements.