Review of Hleo by Rebecca Weller:
Read the story now
Things I liked about the book. It was very well written. I’m new to Inkitt but have browsed a few titles, and found that that just because you’ve written a book doesn’t mean you’re an author. Rebecca Weller has talent when it comes to this. I liked the premise of the Hleo, and the idea of being protectors of destiny. Throw in the Bana and you have a we have a well suited good and evil conflict.
Now, the things I didn’t like, and Rebecca please remember that this is just my opinion, which doesn’t really mean a whole lot in the grand scheme of things, but if I have to be honest I’m going to be. We cannot improve as writers if everyone tells you want you want to hear. And I hope that you are as honest with my book, as I am being with yours.
First, your story structure needs work. There are the few hints of things happening in the beginning of the story, the crossbow bolt and street lamp, and the car accident, the search for Hannah’s biological parents, but that’s it. To me the story doesn’t actually start until chapter 17. That’s a lot of work for a reader to put in, with nothing to really so for it. I’ve never been a fan of the 1st person prospective when it comes to writing. Makes it very hard to introduce other characters, and add sub plots. We don’t even meet the antagonist, Adam until chapter 19. We don’t even find out what the meaning of your title is until chapter 17.
Once the Bana find out that Hanna is alive, and after the attack in the gym, the whole story dynamic should have changed. Things should have really ramped up and gotten kicked into high gear, but yet they don’t. Hannah still goes to school, and work, and then on a date. All this after some had just tried to kill her and she learns that there is a secret society protecting those destine to change the future. And then it takes over a week before the Bana even try to kill her again. Do they really want her dead, simply because she exists? You would think that if she is the daughter of a Hleo and Bana forbidding relationship, that once the Bana find her that they would be stopping for nothing to eliminate her.
I feel that you have a good foundation and the talent needed to write an outstanding book. Hope you’re not too mad at me, and hope this helps.