C E Lucas

Time to Go!

Wow, I had so much fun reading this story, and the crazy thing is, Im not really that into baseball! I just had a feeling from the summary that there would be more to it than just a story about a baseball team, and wow it did not disappoint. Had some great twists and turns, but overall the best part was how well written each of the characters is. They're believable, have distinct personalities, and the dialogue between them is realistic and not at all scripted or stilted.

The last couple of chapters felt a bit rushed for the inevitable wrap-up, and the ending was kind of basic, but with some tweaking I could totally see this being made into a series if the characters with the "Life choice" necklaces keep running into each other in their alternative timelines, could open up space for new characters and a deep dive into each of their lives, leading up to some ultimate space-time catastrophy or bring down of the Spin Tech organization! Good luck to you, hope you go on to do some amazing things with your writing!

Unholy-Moly!

Fun and exciting read! Scary with humorous dialogue and fast paced, energetic scenes filled with fright! Worth a read!

Coral and Pearl

Even without the nod to "The Little Mermaid" this story stands strongly on its own, as a unique exchange between neighboring noble houses and their relationship with the sea, and could use further exploration!

I was interested to know more about how Coral and the Duchess Pearl grew their friendship to such a strong one, apart from being neighbors. I did not get the sense at all that the Duchess was greedy or evil in any way, so it didn't exactly align with your summary, I'd fix that. It would have been nice to get more from Coral's point of view throughout the story too, since she is the one with the secret, and keeping a secret can be exhausting, isolating and bring about lots of emotions, especially at such a high-profile, profound moment for the characters. Might just be my male perspective, but I felt like the Prince and the Duke got barely any screen time, surely they deserve some backstory too, even just if through thoughts or memories of Coral or the Duchess to give them a bit more life.

Overall a very good story, and left me wanting to know more about the mysterious Star! Keep at it!!