i love fantasy. I love fantasy that transport me to a totally different world. In that vein, House of Neotar is a lovely piece of writing. I Undersant the comments that have been made this far about the flowery language, but for me it serves the story. The story is sweeping and whimsical, and therefore to my mind the lyrical and flowery writing helps put me in that frame of mind. I feel like I am somewhere else when I read the story.
Read the story now
The strength of any story for me is always the characters, and HoN has fascinating characters and sets up a very interesting story. It's unfair to judge an entire novel based solely on an excerpt, but judging the excerpt alone is why I gave it for stars overall. From an excerpt we cannot possibly hope to understand the entire my this and lore of the entire novel, and this is meant to be a novel.
Also, to respond to the complaints about the grammar: the grammar is fine. Long run-on sentences are consistent with the flowery writing style, which as I've said before is one of the main tools used to convey the other-worldliness of the story and setting.
I personally can't wait to read the novel, based on this excerpt.