maranstew

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Strong start!!

First don’t stop writing. You have a lot of talent. Your story is engaging and brings the reading in.

I highly recommend getting your stories edited. There are cost friendly ways to do this (like fiverr.com) or you can try to do it yourself. Other reviews have similar feedback so I won’t repeat, I’ll just say I agree. Improving the sentence and paragraph structure, using commas and better spacing will make this an easier read.

Your plots have depth and are interesting. Don’t lose that because your editing makes it harder to read and consume.

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Please keep writing!!!

This is an amazing start to an amazing book I could not stop reading it. I will admit that while I love all topics, I’ve never been able to get into magic and fantasy books.

Your writing style totally got me into this type of book!

You made the characters come alive and stay realistic while adding elements of fantasy in. This is a perfect marriage of the two and makes it realistic. Bravo!

Finish this book!!!

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Great start

This is a great start and I am excited to see where this goes. I love the creativity and detail you used for this story. You did a good job developing the characters and I could follow along (versus when some add too many characters without developing them).

I want to really urge you to get your writings edited. It becomes a bit challenging to read at times. There are multiple run on sentences (which could easily be divided into their own sentences). Many sentences don’t start with capital letters and some contain spelling errors. There are many low cost sites like Fiverr.com which can edit your story for super cheap. Sometimes it is also helpful to read your story out loud to ensure if flows like you want it.

DO NOT stop writing. You are very talented and with these minor tweaks your stories will be amazing. You are creative and know how to tell a good story. Keep up the good work!!

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Amazing

I cannot say enough about this book. I have had a whole experience reading it. The character development is on point. The book is easy to read yet engaging. The plot is interesting. The narration is great. This is a high quality book that should be lining book store walls.

The best part is the suspense. The book keeps the reader at the end of their seats, unable to stop reading.

Great job. Keep writing!! The world needs to see / hear more amazing stories from you!!!

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Amazing story

Oh my goodness! This is such a good read and highly recommended. The writer engages you in the very beginning and keeps you throughout. The level of description is inspiring and writing style is clear.

The only feedback I have is related to final editing. I highly recommend either finding someone to edit (I like fiverr.com) or read the story out loud and find areas to improve.

Some examples for clarity. The first paragraph before chapter 1 says: Kachinga heard him turn in the shower as reached the front door.

Maybe a better way might be: Kachinga heard him turn in the shower as HE reached the front door.

Another example for clarity:
His out of his league beautiful fiancé introduces him to her long time friend / father figure, Derek.

A different way to say this might be:
His “out of his league” beautiful fiancé introduces his to her long time friend & father-figure, Derek.

Again just some suggestions.

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Unique Storyline

First, please don't stop writing. This is a good start and I know if you keep going, it will be fabulous.

The story line is unique. I like the pace you tell the story. It gives the reader time to understand the plot and imagine what is going on. Good use of your descriptive terms. It heightens the tone and creates an environment instead of just reading words of a story.

I am ready for more chapters. I am going to add you on my list!

I read in the other comments that English isn't your first language. I am so impressed with what I see. There are areas where you change tense in the sentence. The first part would be in past tense using words like "had" "was" "went" and in the same sentence the tense switches to active. English is a hard language to learn especially since verbs in English are completely different. I would suggest when you are done go to fiverr.com or another site and have them edit your book. This will allow you to publish your works without worry of this area.

The more you write, the better you will get at this so DON'T STOP WRITING!!!

One more thing. I love the cover design!

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I am impressed

The sophistication of this author is amazing. The story is written so you, the reader, are completely engrossed by the end of the first chapter.

I like her use of language as all of the details are described clearly and beautifully. You can picture what is going on with out the use of too much of your imagination.

Continue doing great work. Be aware of the sentence structures when editing. There were just a couple of incomplete statements but not many. And they were definitely not a distraction.

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This is hot and a great start

I am ready for more. This book has some hot aspects and it is very engaging. I like the character development.
I would say be careful of the run on sentence. It causes the reader to pause to gain understanding of what you are trying to say, versus a fluid read for enjoyment. One example for clarity is in the Prologue. I can't copy and paste it here but the sentence starts with "And" which might not be the best. Additionally, it describes the character as being a CFO and switches to discuss her two relationships. This can be easily resolved with an editor (which I am sure you are going to use at the end).

I use fiverr to edit sometimes for cheap. Just an idea.

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