Margot Nusselder

I need you, beta readers! Feedback, flaws and compliments are immensely welcome. Please, let me know what you think, feel and miss.

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Nice story

I like the story line so far. It has some nice twists and turns. I'm curious of the next chapters.
However, it still needs some editing.

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Scars of the past

Story, set up and plot are good. You need to work on your English; ask a native speaker to proofread or do a course.

One other thing; 1,5 year old children don’t speak 4 word sentences. The way you’re describing them they are more 2,5 or 3 years old. I think it’s easily fixed by adding a year to their break and her hunt

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Under the Moonlight; Alpha's Bride

Usually, I have a well-defined idea when I write a review, but with this book; my mind is all over the place.
The premise is intriguing, setup is well done as well, but then the story goes in another direction. One I understand, but didn't want to read. The two timelines (three months apart from each other) seem te contradict. In the past, he is heavily depending on the bond with her and three months later he discards and neglects her, because an old tradition, which is still unexplained (so far in the available chapters on Inkitt).

The writing style is a bit chaotic. It reads like there has been some semi-editing done, for example: "I walked out of the room, perplexed, looking around. I walked downstairs and saw my mother's leg chained in the heavy chain that was impossible to break, her orange hair tangled, she was in the nightgown, and fear in my mother's eyes."
This is part of a scene which reads as a flashback, turns out to be a recurring dream, but nothing like what actually happened in Xavier's past. It was difficult to follow. I would advise to adjust the text a little, like: 'Always, she was wearing the same nightgown', 'I already knew the chain was impossible to break from previous experience', 'Every time, I had to leave her like that, it breaks me more until there is nothing left.' (just some ideas)
The other moment I was confused was the conversation with Felix in the dungeon. I had not realized they moved from the packhouse to the jail. Maybe add a sentence there to clarify?

For now, I unlisted the book. I want to wait until the writer edited the basics (like: 'Sansa Scoffed' and the previous mentioned half edited sentences), before I start again. Feel free to contact me!

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Nice story, but not special

This book reads like it’s literally translated from another language. Some sentences don’t make any sense. From context I can decypher what the author meant.
There are some missing capital letters and punctuation marks.
I like the story, but it’s again about a young slender woman and a muscular possesive Alpha. I hoped for an original twist to it. (Then I read the last chapter: see my comment below)
Overall nice read, but not special

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Love the banther, the repetition nit so much

I'm at chapter Man servant (63?) and I’m going to stop reading. I love the banther and the antics of the whole group, but it feels like I’m drowning in it, when I want to read about a progression in the story.
The mental conversations and the struggles are very believable and well writen, though it’s difficult to figure put who says what. Just add enters between the wolf/subcontious and the human. That’ll help the reader a lot!

The last thing I want to add is about the repetition. If you wrote the dialogue with the doctor, you don't have to repeat the exact same words to his Beta and later again to another person. I believe that, in general, readers don’t forget the doctors diagnose and advice so soon. Just summarize or use a narrator perspective to concisely write about the event.

I hope this feedback will help improve your book and to help highlight the great banther scènes

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I love the D&D setting

I'm at chapter 7 now and I intend to keep on reading. Yes, there are some errors, missing comma's and spaces, but overall I enjoy the book. Could be because I play D&D and I think the whole setting of the game in this story is very original. I do think the warlock is OP (hoping there’s a good reason for that and not just the golden dice) and I think the choice to not put every element of D&D in the book is a good one (like health points, walk speed, etc).

I'm very curious about the rest of your story. Thank you for putting it out there!

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Story captured me

Storyline is amazing. I can hardly put down this book.
Grammar
Grammar and spelling need a lot of work though.
I try to read through it

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Totally captivated by this book!

Nice writing style, impressive amount of research and I’m learning new words. Full 5 star review from me!

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