Myuki

Following

So far I love the characters and the personalities breathed into them through the authors diction. It's and intriguing thought provoking read and I enjoyed it quite a bit. There were a few grammatical errors but no one is perfect. While I look forward to reading more, I do hope that the author edits the story a tad. The structure in a few spots needs a little work and there were a couple of transnational snags. Hope this helped. Keep it up and please continue writing. Don't give up!

An Unpolished Diamond

While I'm not particularly into the occult, this story grabbed my attention. 'The Unborn Joel' has a unique concept of the afterlife and the involvement ghosts have with the living. It has a great storyline and plot twists that will keep you reading.

The writing style was not favorable to me in particular. I felt that the author told the story rather than showed it. However, this is a personal preference and should not be held against the author's style. The lack of representation, repetitiveness, misuse of words, and choppy structure left the overall depiction lacking. It was challenging to connect with the characters on an emotional level. Some scenes left me utterly confused.

I believe 'The Unborn Joel' does not fall into the category of horror but rather a psychological/romance. It didn't leave me terrified or fearful of what would happen to Caroline.

The author- Kookie-appears inspired to improve her writing, so I believe this story can be great with a bit of polishing.

I look forward to reading future stories by this author.

The Cub

I don't want to hurt feelings, sorry if I end up doing just that. I gave this story a two rating over all because it needs a lot of work to be great. I understand if the author wrote the story in passing and hasn't found time to edit it yet. The plot of the story so far, it has potential. If the author can buckle down and figure out what exactly they want to be the issues in the story, I believe it will be great. Someday and with work. The writing style needs work, I'm hoping my comments and advice I left on each chapter will help the author and encourage them to fix their mistakes instead of taking it personally. As a fellow writer I know all too well how personal the comments may seem. Please don't think of them as hurtful but as helpful and if you have questions, don't hesitate to ask me. There were so many punctuation/ grammar mistakes that at some points I almost gave up reading the story, but I held out. Those mistakes can be easily fixed though so don't give up. I hope the author really puts some thought into this story and makes it great because I think it can be. Just not as it is right now.

Predictably Good

Let's be real. The story was good but not great. I didn't get a sense of originality from it as I read. The story reads like a rough draft and needs edited. There are of course grammar and punctuation errors but that's to be expected.
There are times when the story contradicts itself or repetition seethes in. I noticed parts switched from present tense to past and vise versa at the wrong times as well. Frankly, that's annoying and hinders the fluidity. It's quite fast paced but I feel like that was the goal. I was dying for detail but it never came, result of lazy writing. Don't take it the wrong way the story just wasn't impressive enough and lacked the originality I look for in shorts and novels. Keep working on it and you're sure to improve.

Has potential...

Grammatical, spelling and punctuation errors make for a stunted read so far. However, this only having one chapter thus far, doesn't give a lot to work with. I do believe the author has potential. Don't give up. Read, read, read and edit like you mean it. I see potential.

I like it but...

I think the flow of the story is a bit rough. Some transitions are hard to keep up with and require attention to help the fluidity of Elliot and Celeste's webbed romantic en-devours, Currently, in my opinion the story reads slowly despite the fast flow of the plot. Speaking of the plot, It didn't really scream out when compared to some others I've read. Don't get me wrong, the plot is still solid, just probably in the low 30's of the 50+ werewolf novels I've come across. Needs a little more originality. The authors attempt on this writing style needs a little work, but it is an interesting style to play with. I love the character development, however I do feel it could have been a bit ... more. There were a few grammatical and punctual errors, but we're only human, right. Now I don't mean for this to hurt the authors feelings. Everyone has their preferences, this one just slipped a little under mine. Don't give up yet, It has potential. Hope this helped and best of luck with future revision and edits.