Torshie Torto

So imaginative

I can't tell if this is satire or serious, but whatever it is, the author has a lot of imagination.

If it's satire, and the author's aim is to shock readers with the plot, then they did their job right.

There are a lot of things happening in the book. Random stuff. Fantastic stuff. I just kept reading for the sheer entertainment of it all. I just wanted to see what the author will keep coming up with. And the weird randomness was... weird. Yet strangely entertaining.

If this wasn't satire but supposed to be serious, then I think the writer will get better
with more practice.

I won't dwell much on things like plot, dialogue, and the description. It needs a lot of work and I'm sure it will get better the more the author practices.

But the one thing I couldn't stand was the protagonist himself, Obu. I know the author meant well and wanted Obu to be a hero type with good intentions. But he seems like a bully and doesn't think through his actions. He doesn't care about consequences for his actions.

Clearly, he's a powerful dude and he knows it. Yet he still uses his incredible power without thinking about how it can destroy things around him. I also didn't like how he kept invading people's homes and demanding for things that wasn't his, and then killed the people when they refused to hand them over. That's messed up.

This story struck me as an anime-type plot. I love anime. The problem, however, was that the plot needs better structure.

All in all, the mere fact that the author even wrote a book at all is impressive. Writing isn't easy, let alone writing a whole book. I hope the author never gives up on writing and keep practicing. They have a lot of imagination which is great for storytelling.

Intriguing

So I took my time to read this. In the beginning, it felt slow. But as I kept reading, things started getting clearer. I absolutely loved the writer's style. The descriptions are so beautiful and vivid.

I can tell that the writer poured their heart into writing this story. It's very well-written.

I only found it jarring how the timeline kept skipping back and forth. But the he more I read, I realized that it was actually necessary that way.

Peter, I hope you don't stop writing. You truly have a gift.

Good songs

I like the plot of the story. It's fun and easy to read. The characters, especially the main character, are quite interesting. My problem will have to do with the dialogue tags and punctuation. I feel like using 'he said' and 'she said' after every dialogue makes it sound too repetitive.

On a whole though, this is fun. And the songs are pretty much the icing on the cake. Keep writing.

I want more.

First of all, I have to start by saying that writing isn't easy at all. Writing the first book is even more difficult, so I applaud you for taking the initiative.

I'm going to be as constructively honest as possible. I like the main character, Kane, is it? Yes. He's tenacious, brave, and has a high sense of justice—a pretty good protagonist. Sometimes though, I forget who the main character is; in only seven chapters, so much attention has also been given to the other characters (especially Beevs) in their point of view. They also hop into each other's head sometimes (kindly read up on head hopping).

I was very much interested in solving the mystery of the missing artifact along with the main character. However, the pacing of the story feels too slow for me (maybe this is just me). I think the slow pace has to do with the description and narration. Too many words are used to explain something simple. Also, the writer feels the need to describe every little action the characters make (stage direction). This becomes a little too tedious to read. If this is the first draft, then it's understandable. With revisions in the next drafts, it should be a lot better.

Then there's the punctuation, especially dialogue punctuation. I found it quite odd how the writer punctuated the dialogue. But I guess it's a matter of style. The dialogue also runs on for several paragraphs without any action or setting. It makes it hard to imagine the characters.

But these are mostly technical issues that get better with more practice. So don't stop writing—I urge you to finish this book. I'll be here to read it all. I want to find out what happens next.

All the best to you.

A profound read

From beginning to end, I was invested in Jakes's story. I loved how we got to see his interactions with the various individuals in his life and how they contributed to his own thoughts.

Generally, I loved the plot of the story. I was just a little disappointed by the ending. Like I said, I was very much invested in Jake's story and was hoping for the best. But I guess sometimes that's how life is. Things aren't always chirpy.

If you have more stories, I hope you keep writing. This is really good.

Absolutely Fantastic

So here's the thing. I've read a lot of books on this site, and without meaning to bring anyone down, I want to say with all honesty that this is by far the most well-written book I've read here. I'm not even exaggerating.

I took this book hoping to be disappointed because I've been binge-reading a lot of books, most of which I couldn't read past the first chapter. Anyway, this book demolished my expectation.

I loved almost everything about it. The characters, the plot, the writing style, and the gripping descriptions. Absolutely fantastic. I can't stop reading.

I'm a huge fan of fantasy, and from the moment I witnessed Kayleen use her seeing ability on the corpse, I was sold. I just love the concept of the whole story. I also love the dynamic between Kayleen and Ian. Their interaction never ceases to make me laugh or smile, at least.

So I did say I loved almost everything. Why 'almost'? Well, I only have one issue with the story and it's how abruptly one scene breaks into another without any warning at all. For example, at the beginning of chapter one, the story was in Kayleen's POV (I hope I'm getting the name correct... I keep calling her Kayla and Kylie. I don't know. I apologize if I'm butchering the name).

Anyway, later in the chapter, the POV shifts to Ian's without any warning and it confused me. But it wasn't as jarring as what happened in chapter 2. I was reading in Ian's POV when all of a sudden, I was thrown into another scene where Kayleen is teaching her class. I had to stop reading for a moment to wonder if I had missed anything.

My unsolicited recommendation is that try to use scene breaks like *** or ### or whatever symbol you're comfortable with, to separate your scenes. I think it will make your story even stronger.

I love the book and I want to see it do well. I'm still reading it—I can't wait to see how things turn out.

Once again, this is a good book. I recommend it to anyone who loves fantasy and paranormal stories. Keep up the good work, author.

Love it so far

I started reading this a while back and a I completely forgot to review it. I love the main character and will like to see more of him. I also like the actions in the story. I'll keep reading to find out what happens. Can't wait.

Thrilling

It began slowly, but the story picked up as I read. I generally like the plot. I also like Alex, the main character.

There are some technical issues. The punctuation of dialogue tags needs work. There are too many exclamation marks. Many of the dialogues beginning on another line are not put in quotation marks. It makes it hard to tell if it's dialogue or not.

The description can get wordy (so many adjectives). Sometimes it makes me focus on the words rather than the story.

There's also a lot of head hopping which makes it difficult to identify whose POV we're in.

But looking past all these, I really like the story and I want to see how things turn out for Alex. She's an interesting character.