Niles Keith

12-15-2020

Sofia Corsi review: The Social Misfit
Sofia, you have a wonderful story in play, and I love your voice. The banter between Joseph and Persephone is entertaining and realistic. The characters who surround them are well placed and have loads of potential for drama, tension and resolution, which is what helps us relate to a story.

Introducing stress and conflict, building it, and then resolving it is what makes readers cheer for our characters. Your story is wide open for this. This could be a great series as you develop your characters and their individual challenges and victories. Especially since the babies have just been born.

I noticed a few items that may be elements of your personal style, but as the reader, it sort of, stopped the flow.

“Why?” she sighed. She had just warm and comfortable…(this sentence felt like it needed a verb or something). Like: ‘She had just (gotten, become, begun to feel) warm and comfortable…’
Also,

“It was a lot of people would call mousy brown…’ (I received a lot of comments on passive voice a few years back, so I’ll pass that along here… You might consider avoiding ‘was’ anytime you can. The sentence works well without it, “A lot of people would call her hair mousy brown.”

To sum up the review, I love the addition of the triplets, and I expect that the little girl may ultimately be the ‘Misfit’ in the title. I can feel myself getting connected to these characters, you’ve done a great job of developing them. I look forward to seeing how it ends. Best of luck.

Dec 14, 2020

Aphrodite, you've done a great job of portraying the most intimate of relationships, and this is no small undertaking. I understand English in not your first language, and you deserve high praise for the courage and effort it takes to tackle something so difficult, so by all means, press on. I am constantly looking for ways to improve my writing, and I am certainly not an expert, but here are a few things that I believe might make your story better.
Some of the 'experts' say, "Have a clear Beginning, Middle, and Ending.
Introduce your characters and their connection. Is this a special day, etc.
When he adjusts the music, I think you substituted the word 'quite' for 'quiet'. This is easy to do, and I've done the same thing many times. I found that there is a free version of Grammerly that might help on things like that.
I've never read erotic romance before, it's not my genre, so I may not be the best judge, but I want to encourage you to continue to read and study writing. Write about what you love, and I believe the sky is the limit for you. Best of luck!

12-18-2020

Ameira: Damon’s Soulmate Review
This is a great story. I’ve never read a fantasy story before, not really my genre, but this was intriguing and captivating. I enjoyed the way you allowed the meeting of Damon and Nix to build to a point of climax, while each of them felt they would never find their true mate. The plot was wonderfully crafted as well. There are a few things that I can see that would make this better. As you might’ve noticed from my novel, I’m a fan of short chapters. This helps with the pacing of the novel. If you break a chapter a the POV break, it helps with clarity I think. Punctuation and grammer can be improved with programs like Grammerly. And also as they say, ‘show don’t tell’. Great fantasy story, best of luck.