Daniel Durban

Algea

You did a spectacular job creating an opening that engages the audience within the first couple of sentences. You left just enough gaps for the audience to use their imagination and to be curious about future chapters. I noticed we have a similar writing style, which is probably why I'm so fond of your story right away. One thing I will say though, is there is a bit on inconsistency with your tenses. Switching occasionally between present and past tense, I think if you chose a specific tense that would help the story's narrative out a lot! And, something that threw me off a bit (which could just be me!), but I had a hard time fully understanding what happened to that boy she didn't kill, did that other woman kill him or let him get away? Aside from that, for an introduction you did amazing and I'm very much curious to learn more about the characters and their history!

Sounding like a real author

I've only read the first couple of chapters, however, I know I will defiately contiue reading because the story telling elements are incredible. They're clean and straight forward, easy to follow along with but not too under-performing. The only turn off for me is how quickly all the characters were introduced. At first it was hard to grow a connection to the main cast of characters due to how quickly they were rotated through. Besides that, an excellent read! Defiately one to keep an eye on. Keep up the good work!

Fascinating!

This story has an incredible mysterious plot that keeps the reader intrigued. A little confusing at times, but I believe the author is starting to get into the rhyme of things and really start to find their writing style. Very much look forward to reading more and discovering how these kids play a bigger role in the story.

An interesting story

The plot of this story is interesting for sure. I've already read the first couple of chapters but I'm intrigued as to the gravity of Ash being colorless is. The main issue I had was the grammer. I could tell the voice wasn't neccisarily the author's. As in they weren't being true to their authentic selves and were using words they thought the reader would enjoy. I did however, enjoy the syntax used. The long explanations cut short by inner thoughts was really well done. I think with time the story will grow into one to remember once the author's skill matches the author's ambition.