You did a spectacular job creating an opening that engages the audience within the first couple of sentences. You left just enough gaps for the audience to use their imagination and to be curious about future chapters. I noticed we have a similar writing style, which is probably why I'm so fond of your story right away. One thing I will say though, is there is a bit on inconsistency with your tenses. Switching occasionally between present and past tense, I think if you chose a specific tense that would help the story's narrative out a lot! And, something that threw me off a bit (which could just be me!), but I had a hard time fully understanding what happened to that boy she didn't kill, did that other woman kill him or let him get away? Aside from that, for an introduction you did amazing and I'm very much curious to learn more about the characters and their history!
Read the story now