Ola

Hii,

I just read the first two chapters of your story, the diamond prince and the shelter girl.

My opinion on the first chapter is written directly as a comment on your story.

For the second chapter, I found it was less smooth than the previous one.
It's only the second chapter, but I feel like many things are happening and the author did not want to write about them all?

In my opinion it would have been great to have a bit more explanation on why the FL did not want at all to take the role the ML offered her (yes she hates him, but it seemed like a good opportunity for her, yet she did not even ponder for a sec before refusing). And... next line, she actually accepts this offer. Would've been great to know more about her personal reasons to accept, like maybe at this point you could give hints as to why this character cares so much about helping other? Because with this sudden change it feels like except for her boldness, the FL lacks depth.

Also, the effect of describing consequences first and causes second made it a bit difficult to read this chapter. I liked when this style of writing was used in the 1st chapter, it was a really great opening to get us interested in what's happening. But this effect is used twice in this chapter, and the action it depicts does not seem that important? I personally would have preferred a more linear description, but again, it's just my opinion. Just felt like the reading was less smooth due to that.

I'm no professional and just share my personal opinions, hence why I preferred to post this here instead of directly on your story. The goal is just to enjoy reading and writing together :)

With correct character development, I feel like this story can be really interesting !

Hi 👋
Are you interested in a review for review.

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