Overall Rating
Writing Style
Grammar & Punctuation

Lots of ideas, need to slow it down

This has great potential. The action is non-stop, but it feels stream of consciousness, as if the author is typing out thoughts as soon as they occur. This is also reflected in the short chapters. They increase the sense of fast pacing, but make it a bit difficult to latch on to what is actually happening. As another reviewer mentioned, the conversations could be separated and a few more dialog tags inserted to help us keep track of who is doing what.
Having said all that, I realize this is a work in progress and once all the ideas are there, it may be easier to flesh it all out.

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