Randi Cramer

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Painful.

This could be so much better if it wasn't full of typos, absolutely basic sentence structure and repetitions of obvious statements out the wazoo. Give your readers a little credit. And at the same time, the author needs to learn to SHOW and not TELL their readers what is happening. There is absolutely nothing to think about here, it'll all forced and there is no real suspense or emotion behind it.

I'd ask the author to go back to basics first though: they need advice from an editor and a proofreader before they show this to anyone else.

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