The story is fast paced, but I guess that fits the trope, and you explained that the grammar is part of the genre/plot, so I see how that plays a part. I think this is a solid foundation to build a steamy and thrilling story. I did struggle a little to follow the dialogue (in terms of who was speaking what), but I still managed to understand the general plot so far. I would recommend perhaps building the settling and situation up more, as the interview portion and the car ride home felt rushed. I like that we get to the good stuff rather quickly, because the romance aspect is something that you can execute very well.
Read the story now
I like how the disjointed feel of the writing mirrors the main characters' childlike mind, and as the reader we definitely get a feel for the inner workings of the main character.
I think you of the strongest parts of your writing is the plot. Even though you've only uploaded the first 6 chapters, I can see that the captivating thing about this story is really the plot, and the dynamic between the two main characters
Keep it up, I'd love to see where this story goes.