Mallory

The Secret Ingredient

I only read part of the first chapter, but I can't get past it. The numerous grammatical errors, mixed with the fact it doesn't hold a reader's attention (at least mine). The fact that the point of view shifts does not flow with the story, even though I just seen one, they may get better deeper within the story, but there could be better ways of smoothly transitioning the point of view shifts. There are also errors with punctuation, where I noticed in once sentence it was choppy. It didn't feel as if a complete thought had been stated, before being cut off abruptly and being finished within another sentence. Outside of those errors which can turn me away from finishing a story, I think the thought, and plot behind it could possibly be a good story with it being well revised. You have the potential to make this into something really great if those small errors are fixed, as I stated, they turn me away from a book, and may possibly turn away others. I'm not an English teacher, so I will not sit here and red mark the rest of the story, but this is simply things I noticed within the first half of the first chapter. Love the out of the box thinking for plot lines, something new is always refreshing.