Excellent defamiliarization
I'm not sure what the stakes are yet. That's one issue here. I get that the protagonist might die at some point, but I need more than that. I need to know what the specific danger is. Is it that she might become too self-absorbed like Hyacinthus? Is it that Apollo might kill her? Basically, something threatening or tension raising needs to happen in the first chapter or so. Aside from that, I'm in on the plot because the author has done a nice job defamiliarizing a high school. Everything is slightly strange. This story runs the risk of being a Harry Potter or Percy Jackson knock-off, but it avoids that by resisting many of the tropes present in those stories. It also resists traditional contemporary high school tropes. Everything is just strange enough to make the story interesting. Kudos for that! Can't wait to read more and unravel the mystery.
Read the story now