Stephen Evans

Interesting

Your writing skills are near flawless. Your grammar is great. I myself don't particularly take too much of a liking to werewolves and vampires to be honest. The plot itself was well developed and thought through. I did feel though that the vampire was sort of cliche. Try adding some more destinctiveness to the vampire, add some unique attributes to it also and I think this will make an interesting novella. Good job!

Great!

The book was very well written. Though there were some grammatical errors I would suggest fixing: don't capitalize letters after quotes; example: "text" he said; rather than: "text" He said. Other than that the book contained enough story and erotica. For me anyway, I like to read books that are not JUST smut, but also have a backround story to go along with it. Good job!

Like The Idea

Your ideas are all in order. I like the fact that it is all in a dream, and I overall like the concept. You do however, need to review your work more efficiently. Such as the few moments with errors like extremely long sentences and such. I would work on the grammatical form of the entire story along with the writing style. The writing style you have chosen works, but needs help. A few moments I was very confused as to what was happening in the story, giving me a sort of dislike. When writing, yes you want the reader to figure out what exactly you are trying to portray, however, do not do this to the extent that you confuse the reader. This happened a litle bit to me.

Fix some of the writing and the few minor grammatical errors and this will be a very interesting story!

Cool!

I really enjoyed this short story, though it was more of an excerpt. I wish the author would have added more detail as to why the man was there, what the creature actually was, etc. Nonetheless, as a horror fanatic I did enjoy the story!

Don't Stop!

I had just discovered this book randomly, and I'm very glad I did. The book has such great detail and an amazing use of words. The plot is immaculate, almost a series of short poetry - free style that is. The ideologies that lie behind this work is wonderful, I wish the book would keep going much further. The very introduction of the book grasps my attention like most books don't. A different sort of feel. Reading and imagining the hell on Earth world the author speaks of is incredible. I would suggest an overlook of the chapters submitted for grammatical fixes, but nonetheless, this book has great potential. Don't doubt yourself!

- Stephen Evans

Social Outcast

This book is off to a great start. There are a few errors here and there, but nothing that takes away from the story. I find the main character really interesting, and can't wait to find out where her journey takes her. I love the detail in the book, I find a lot of books I read, rush the story, by not putting enough detail. I can't wait to read more. Please update soon. :-)

I Love This

Your book has such great detail that it is just astounding to read. The plot is so emotional and you bring real feeling to the story. As far as the writing aspects go, there was a great use of words adding a mental picture to my mind of what's happening. Though there were a couple of grammatical errors, that doesn't bother me, because I think the story of the book surpasses any grammar mistakes made and cancels them out. You did a supurb job Mbali and I cannot wait for more!

Great Work

The grammar and wording in this story is phenominal! Kudos to you for your outstanding story. I liked the way the story slowly evolved into a crazy mind twisting plot.