STAIRS LEADING NOWHERE
CHAPTER 5 - THE ORIGINS - STAIRS LEADING NOWHERE
2 days had passed by since I had last seen X as I went over to my girlfriend’s place. Despite positive expectations, it turned out to be a total waste of time, leading to me leaving after two hours. I say that since matters between her and myself had become monotonous and predictable. Whilst we were together, she was in her own bubble. When she got home from work, she had dinner and watched TV, which was fine as she needed to unwind after a long day. The bubble formed when she then spent the rest of the evening playing games on her phone and any attempts that I made to get her out of that bubble seemed ineffective.
She had messaged me on this particular afternoon asking if I wanted to visit her. The truth is that I didn’t want to and I replied that I’d see her at another time. I felt the relationship was dead and had to be put to rest. I wanted to put an end to it but had to do so in person. Thinking back, I should have taken a walk and ended it there and then instead of dragging it out. My mind was consumed with X. What I really wanted to do was see X again. I sent her a message after dinner to check up on her and enquire if she had time to meet up later that evening. She had to finish her homework and said that she could meet me a bit later. I was delighted with that, so whilst busy with a gym session, I thought about a different place to meet. I thought that we should meet on the top floor balcony. I gave her the details and went to the meeting spot.
When the elevator doors opened, X walked out, wearing what I called her woolly mammoth pants and a thick black jacket. We went to the quiet spot, one level up from the last elevator serviced floor, as it was relatively quiet and peaceful there. Conversation between X and me never had a dull moment as with a lot of questions from both of us. To be specific, I was curious how she ended up in China out of all of the places so when I asked her, she replied “Mostly because of the cost. It’s a lot more expensive to study in the USA or at home. It works out cheaper for tuition. It was a big decision to make, not just for me only but for my family as well. I knew that it wouldn’t be easy to be away from home but I had to sacrifice so that I could make something of my life. Also my mom works really hard to take care of us and I want to be able to take care of her one day.”
Those words really hit me hard as it made me realise that X was driven by the right reasons, and for those reasons alone, she was sure to succeed. I began thinking about her compassion and family values. I was intrigued by her and it seemed she felt the same way. “I really like talking to you” she said with a smile, “tell me about yourself as far back as you can recall”.
Her request showed her interest, curiosity and fascination. I felt that it would be better for us both to sit down and be relaxed while we spoke. We sat next to each other on the floor with our backs against the wall and the conversation flowed. She wanted to know why I chose to study medicine so I explained that I wanted to follow in my dad’s footsteps and become a doctor. School wasn’t my favourite, but I believed that if I worked hard enough, good grades would pave the way towards success. We spoke about a few more matters. She had more questions about what had happened previously. “What happened that night on the balcony?” she asked. I mean you were much more relaxed but then you changed”.
That question could have been answered in many ways and at the time, I felt as though it was difficult to explain it briefly as the issue was complicated. It was late and I suggested that we continue the conversation another time. X didn’t want to leave the question unanswered and couldn’t wait to know the truth. “Do you want to know the full story, as it will take a while to explain?” I asked. She said that she had nothing better to do, and I continued with my story.
I rewound back to 2012, my second year of University. I was seated at the back of the classroom next to my friend NJ and we were in the Psychology lecture. The lecture was going well and I was interested in learning more and being able to better understand the human mind. Towards the end of the lecture, I realised that I needed to ask my lecturer for some assistance as her spoken English was good. After class, I waited for her to finish and approached her. I felt nervous and really didn’t know how to explain and I requested to see her sometime to discuss a problem that I was having. These words were vague of course so she asked me what the problem was. I paused for a second and time seemed to stand still while I thought. To avoid stalling any more, I said “I have an addiction”. She wanted to know more and asked “What type of addiction is it?”.
I told my lecturer that it was quite complicated and we exchanged phone numbers in order to schedule a meeting. Later that day she texted me to enquire if 5pm on Tuesday would be fine. I accepted and felt happy that I would be receiving some “help”. I was nervous about how to correctly express myself. The next few days were spent musing how to explain my situation.
As the uneasiness died down in the passing days, the Psychology lecturer texted me, suggesting that I meet her at her office, on the west side of the campus. When the time arrived, I was anxious as I left my dorm room. My heart felt as though it was beating erratically. My body felt as though it was caving in or trying to hide and disappear. Within 10 minutes, I was at her office. I stood at the doorway and noticed that quite a few lecturers shared the same office. She saw me, walked towards me, and then said “let’s find a quiet place”. We walked to the left of the office and noticed an empty lecture hall. We entered and she turned on the bright fluorescent lights, closing the door behind us. With many options of seats to choose from, we opted to sit near the windows on the opposite side of the door. She pulled the chair from under the desk and rotated it to face me, I took my chair and did the same. It was time for me to get serious. I took note of her posture. She sat upright, hands crossed on her lap and made direct eye contact with me. I immediately knew she adopted this posture to give the right body language and make me feel at ease and show that I had all of her attention.
I broke the silence by saying that I needed a minute to find the words to explain correctly. She replied by saying “That’s ok, but start by telling me what type of addiction it is, are you addicted to drugs or something else?” “No-no-no!” I replied.
“I started sleepwalking a few months ago. I would be alone in my room, and fall asleep. At some point, I would wake up, get dressed and leave the room. My friends would see me walking weirdly in the hallway and take me to my room. I woke up many times with souvenirs on my desk. I would go into people’s rooms and talk to them as though I was awake. I once found 2 packs of strawberry microwave cake mix on my desk. I knew that I had to be sleepwalking again. I went to speak to my friends in the dormitory and find out if anyone knew anything. I ended up finding the owner of the cake mix, and she told me that I kept asking for her to make it for me, speaking in a sluggish voice.
As usual, I was taken back to my room and put in bed. People didn’t understand how I could sleepwalk with open eyes and communicate with them. I would wake up in the mornings with no memory at all of what happened that night. I would only remember going to bed. Nobody was aware that I was sleeping, they just assumed that I was highly intoxicated. I wanted to put an end to these night time travels and tried many things to stop, including locking myself in the room. I still managed to get out of the room. I believed that hiding the key away from myself didn’t really work. Sleepwalking soon evolved into something more serious. My girlfriend became cautious about me sleepwalking and decided that she should stay in my room for a few nights to monitor me. She soon started making remarks about what happened during the night. I was always confused until eventually she got upset and spoke to me.
I was shocked to find out that I was having sex with her while I was asleep. She said that my eyes were open and it looked as though I was awake. She then said that I was always specific, meaning that I would take off her underwear then have oral sex with her. Afterwards I would just go back to sleeping on my pillow. To be honest, I feel addicted to performing oral sex on women. Not to be rude, I love the taste the most. I want to do it as much as I can. My girlfriend can only handle so much and when her body is exhausted, I’m still left wanting more. Recently, I’ve been craving more. I have an urge to taste more women. I would like to be a normal person and be happy in a relationship, but I often crave the taste of another woman. When I’m asleep and doing things, I’m told that it’s like I’m a different person. So to distinguish between the two, my gf named the other me Nas.”
My teacher sat there with wide open eyes and seemed to be blown away, which was understandable. It took her a minute or two and said “I’ve never heard anything like this before”.
I understood that my situation was not well described in the literature.
“You should record it for me!” she said eagerly. These words shook me. My eyebrows lifted. I thought to myself for a second and wondered what it was she meant. “Umm…what do you mean by record?” I asked.
She said “Put a camera next to your bed before you sleep, and if it happens again, you can record it and I can see what happens.” Was she asking me for a sex tape? I felt that I had given her a clear enough explanation as to what happens when Nas comes out so why would she even suggest this? Despite being shocked, I began feeling tired and noticed a change in myself. My teacher no longer looked like a teacher. She looked like a hot 28-year-old. Her long black hair was tied back in a long ponytail, sweeping her hair from her face. My eyes targeted her neck as the first place that I would start. Her narrow waist made her boobs look even bigger. I wanted to put her on the desk and eat her out until she orgasmed so much that she couldn’t take anymore, then I’ll lick even more. It was no longer safe for me to be there so I had to cut the session short and get out of there before I ended up in either a salacious or delicious situation.
A few days passed and I was in another lecture by my psychology teacher. Now sitting at the back of the class seemed to be the perfect place. She knew of my secret and I wondered if she saw me differently as a result. I acted as normal as I could and during break, she asked if I would speak to her after class. I really wanted help so I took her up on her offer. I spent the rest of the class thinking about what to say next.
For our meeting, we went to a quiet place where we could not be disturbed. She started by asking if I had managed to record anything and I told her that I hadn’t gotten around to it. She was unsure about how to help me and she had spoken to colleagues in Beijing and Shanghai. Collectively, they decided that I might have a Neurological problem. She requested me to go for an overnight observation at the school hospital where doctors could monitor my neurological functions as I slept. I didn’t like the idea at all, as my sleepwalking episodes weren’t every night and I was also worried about what would happen if I “woke up” in the hospital. I had no control over sexual urges in that state, thus if I got off the bed and started making moves on a nurse, how would I explain it the next day? I didn’t want to be rude so I told her that I’d think about it.
Nas however wanted her to come over and hold the camera one night so she could get a better understanding. Therapy seemed to be a failure and I went to visit my friend NJ to see if she had any ideas that could help. I explained to NJ what had happened with the Psychology teacher and that I didn’t want to go back to see her. She thought that maybe I should try writing, as a way to express myself. When I got home that night I opened my laptop and tried to write.
When I started, I recalled that the keyboard wasn’t working well. The spacebar button wasn’t working, along with a few others and I had been tardy to have it repaired. I didn’t give up though, I picked up my phone and lay in bed. I had no idea what I was doing, and I wrote whatever came to mind and before I knew it, the sun was coming up. I felt better and by morning,I went to sleep with more of an understanding of what was happening with me.
At this point I felt that I had told X enough but she didn’t seem to think so. She was persistent to know more. Telling her my story just gave her many more questions than answers. I let her ask all her questions so I could give her one answer.
From a young age, I noticed something about myself. I’m not talking about being possessed, but more of an advanced feeling for my age. There were times when I was around certain women and all I really wanted was to have my mouth between their legs. Their scent was so powerful that their taste travelled through the air, causing those feelings inside me. Finally, I decided that I would fulfil that desire. My girlfriend at the time was a virgin so we were both exploring. I became addicted to eating her out and I would every chance I got. She loved it to the point where we used to be late for class at times. She realised that she was getting sleepy after orgasming and tried to limit me during daylight hours. That of course didn’t always work because she loved to have my mouth on her. So since then, things got progressively worse and I had a new gf.
I had unleashed Nas and didn’t know the repercussions. After many months, I started sleepwalking. I even tried sleeping pills to knock me out completely without any luck. During the daytime, the pills left me walking around like a zombie even though I had taken them the previous night. At that time, Nas was only coming out whilst I was asleep. Many months later the next stage of my problem became evident. Nas then came out when I was extremely tired. The kind of tiredness that when you blink, your eyes would stay shut. Once I became aware of it, I took precautions. I turned my phone off to ensure that I didn’t message any women. It worked for a while but I can’t be too sure. Nas would come out randomly. Meaning that he could come out twice a week or once a month. He could go quiet for a month or two and make me feel like I was just a normal person again. At those times, I felt at peace because the war inside me was over. The peace didn’t last however, because Nas would just show up again and that’s how things went, until it got worse.
The last stage I experienced changed my social life. Nas started to come out when I was simply sleepy and it didn’t matter where I was. If there was a beautiful woman around, then it was reason enough for him to show up. My social life changed. I had to explain this to close female friends so they could at least have a heads up. Their friendship meant a lot to me and I didn’t want anything to jeopardise that. There were times when I’d be with one of them doing a group assignment or studying when I had to leave immediately as a result.
The first sign was being mentally fatigued. That was basically the warning shot or flare in the sky to alert me. If that was ignored, I felt a physiological change inside me. It started off with my breathing getting deeper but not in an intense way. Then my heart started beating more forcefully to the point where I could feel it contracting and relaxing in my chest. Once that settled itself, my head began to pound. As if that isn’t quite enough, I could feel other changes inside me.
The strangest part of it all, is when I feel pressure build up as though my body is trying to keep something in. So imagine a beast being caged in a high-tech system, that increases its defences. If I am not mentally sharp enough, he progresses with ease. That is when I feel the beast lurking behind my eyes. It’s much harder to fight him when he’s gone so far, and removing myself from the situation is the only way. When the targeted woman is no longer around though, he dies off as though he lost his power. If I am with a girlfriend however, I have no reason to run. So when I do let him out, it’s the same feeling every time.
Now, I no longer feel sleepy or weak. A wave of confidence flows through my body and coats me in an aura of “can do attitude”. Life seems to get serious at this point and time slows down. My senses are heightened and I notice each detail about her more. Nas then calculates his plan of attack, not only to maximise time, but pleasure. From then on, I just have to open the gate and let him out. So with the very first blink after the confidence wave, Nas is out. From there, he is in control of my body and I do things that I don’t do in normal mode. I also do things better than I do in normal mode. So while that sounds great for the woman, I am just a bystander to the show.
“Whoa” remarked X, “that’s crazy!”
I told her the whole truth and yet I barely knew her. For some reason, I expected her to be either scared of me or be reserved. I was wrong however, as usual. I say this because her curiosity about my sex life heightened when she asked me what my weirdest sexual experience was. Despite me wanting to lick her out the other night, I saw her as a new friend and felt no reason to hide anything. I sifted through my experiences and thought about a really funny and strange experience of mine that took place years before and I told her about it.
“I had been dating a girl for a while and we were both inexperienced. She was the first woman that I had ever had any kind of real physical intimacy with. The relationship only lasted three months and in that time, I used to “feed on” her. She was the first woman that I tasted. One evening, whilst engaging in oral sex, I managed to get her to do 69. She told me that I should let her know when I was about to orgasm as she didn’t want me to bust in her mouth. I couldn’t argue with her. She was giving me good head and having her wetness in my face really got me going. I waited until the last second to tell her that I was about to bust, and she lifted her head up. I blew my load and she jumped off the bed screaming as she ran for the light switch. I didn’t know what had happened but I soon realised when she screamed “Where did it go!”. We looked around the bed and didn’t see anything. She told me that she just saw my cum fly past her head. I really wanted to laugh but couldn’t because she would have raged. We looked everywhere and couldn’t find it. Thinking back, I should have checked the roof.”
X burst out into a laughing party at my expense. I possibly chose the most embarrassing story to tell her so I should have expected the laughter.
She was having a good laugh while things were getting serious for me. The combination of being tired and talking about my sex life was enough to get Nas going. I stood up and told her that it was time for us to head to our rooms. She refused again and at that point it seemed as though her curiosity wanted to be fed. She stood up and came to stand near me. Fuck it, I faced her and placed my hands on her ass. If she didn’t want to sleep then she would have to entertain Nas. She didn’t even flinch as my hands groped and grabbed on her ass. Feeling the round shape of her ass through the woolly mammoth pants made the night even better.
I was now curious as to how far she would let me go so I decided to test the water and see. I moved in closer, so our bodies could touch. Nas had a message for her so I leaned in towards her left ear and delivered the message “If you want me as bad as I want you, then stay. If not, go to your room”.
With the message delivered, I let go of her ass and stood back. X stood there and smiled at me. For a woman to challenge me like that, meant that she was confident in herself, and that was attractive. She had clear instructions to leave and kept standing there, so I let Nas out.
A wave of confidence flowed through my body and energised me. I felt focused as my eyes locked in on the target. One blink and the rest was history. I walked towards her, slid my hand behind her head and onto her scalp, gripping on her hair. I bent her head backwards ever so lightly and kissed below her left ear. I kissed and kissed, making my way to her chin. I let her head straighten out and put my lips close to hers. In order to control the paceI kept my grip firm, preventing her from locking lips with mine. When I was satisfied that the point was proved, I released my grip and let her kiss me. I moved her body backwards until her back was pressed against the wall and Nas wasn’t done dominating her.
I reached down, grabbing both of her hands and bringing them up to the side of her head. I used my body to pin her against the wall. I really wished that I had taken her to my room because I had a bed, privacy and condoms. It was too risky though to try and change locations as the mood could fade away since we were both new to each other and I just had to make the most of the situation.
We made out for a while, and it made me want more and more. I used my right hand and slid it down her back, into her underwear and felt her juicy ass warm my hand up. She wasn’t stopping me, so I progressed, my fingers slid between her ass cheeks and towards her wetness when she pushed me back. That was too late, I had already gotten what I wanted. My fingers were coated with her lube and she was in for a surprise. I made eye contact with her while bringing my fingers up to my mouth. I had finally tasted her and it was better than I could have ever imagined. She tasted clean like a waterfall with a hint of pussy scent. Nas was now fully activated and craving her more than ever. She stood there amazed as I told her “you taste so fucking good!”. In my mind, I was thinking that she was enjoying herself to the point where her wetness was flowing for me. This was so uncharacteristic of me but I couldn’t stop myself. I was drawn to her more each time I saw her and I felt that it wasn’t time to slow down but rather speed things up.
I went in for the kill. I pulled her pants down a little, just enough to expose her ass. Then I pulled her underwear down over the best ass that I have ever seen. I slid my fingers between her inner thighs and could feel how her lube was flowing so much that it went through her underwear and ran down her leg. She seemed to want me more than she was letting on. I ran my hand up and played with her soaking wet pussy from the front. All the while, I wished that my mouth could replace my hand. I was too turned on and quickly pulled my track pants and underwear down then said, “you can return the favour”.
She surpassed anything that I could wish for by taking my rock-hard pole and rubbing the tip against her soaking wet pussy. As she stirred the pot so to speak, we made out more passionately and things were getting hotter than ever. My tip was loving the warmth and wetness. The natural acidity of her juices got my tip harder and made me think less. I eventually wanted her so badly and I bent my knees a little so I could enter. She knew what I was trying to do and that the angle wasn’t good to enter, so she told me to sit down.
As I walked to the top stairs, I took off my jacket and put it on the floor. I then quickly slid my tracksuit pants down to my ankles, to have movement in my legs at least. She stood 2 steps below me and pulled her pants down to her knees, she squatted down while placing both of her hands on my knees to stabilise herself and as she did, I took my pole to align it into her pussy. I took hold of my shaft and tried to get it into her tight hole and as soon as the tip touched her wetness, things went south.
“I can’t do this” she abruptly stood up and pulled up her pants. It took her mere seconds to sort out her clothes and I tried to see her facial expressions in order to have an understanding. The dim lighting didn’t permit me to see much so I sat there in shock. Mind you, I was sitting there with my dick out. I watched her leave and got dressed as she seemed adamant not to return. In any case, I was in a public place and it would be more than weird to be caught sitting in such a compromising situation. I had no choice but to return to my room with a bad case of blue balls. I laid in bed thinking about what had just happened. I was wondering why. Was it because we could get caught, or because she was in a relationship? Either way, she already cheated. I put on something to watch and did my best to clear my mind and fell asleep.
I woke up the next morning still feeling confused about what happened the night before. While I wished the situation had developed further, she had the right to change her mind at any point and I had to respect that. I waited until midday and decided to send her a message as I reasoned that she was too shy to initiate a conversation. I started off with casual conversation and worked up to the event of the evening before. I didn’t want to come across as forceful, so I chose my words carefully. Word choice isn’t my strong point. I managed to do well enough because X replied;
“I got lost in the moment and thought that I wanted it. When I came to my senses, I realised that it wasn’t safe at all. Someone could have caught us and even worse is that we weren’t using a condom. I panicked and ran. I didn’t know what to do and I’m sorry for leaving like that.”
These words hit the nail on the head and I felt more attracted to her. I was always reckless and felt that she had balanced me out. Things were then relaxed between us and we spoke for a while.
Nice