What is your opinion?
Very Well Done!
"Your descriptions are very well done. This creates an almost vivid atmosphere so far. The characters, despite the very short duration, have personality. I'd say use darker language to mold that feeling of dread and hopelessness. Also, "that" is used frequently (very repetitive). Restructure sentences to lessen the use of the word. Another thing: describe the woman's feelings a little more. Really dive into her head. Overall: Absolutely a great short story however, I need a little more! I am teased with suspension of a thriller novel, but I'm not given enough. I believe adding more senses and emotions of the characters would be beneficial to creating a well-rounded atmosphere. Fantastic Job!"
Impressed
"The story was indeed short and would’ve been overly satisfied if you stretched it but however as the reviewer above had stated, it would’ve been a risk to making it boring. I don’t even know how to start it but for a small writing there is so much detailed descriptions that even a 300 paged fantasy won’t have as much as yours (dramatic but a fair point). Every word that formed a sentence I would NOT expect a 14 year old to write like. You do better than half of the short story writers here. I feel like me and other future readers of this story will agree that you did a fantastic job executing everything. Love how you let us readers do the inferring and you do the writing. It’s not “show and tell” like how most writers do but rather “show and guess”. For a change though, try to go even more detailed and add more events in between them to hook in your readers even more. Overall EXCELLENT STORY! "
Absolute banger, and underrated!
"I really loved it. To start with, you have used the sentence "Far, far away." which made me drawn to it straight away. It was a very short sentence to begin your story but you knew what you was doing and included as it creates a beautiful effect as you end the story with the very same sentence. For me personally it tells me A LOT about the story itself. An excellent use of the technique of cyclic structure allowing us readers to infer so much things about the character's feelings, setting theme etc. For someone as young as you it's mind blowing that you are able to include a wide range of specific and lovely details in your story. As the story goes on, the readers will realize that you like to zoom in and zoom out of descriptions. Also, LOVE the technique where you describe the girl's voice and then when the driver speaks, it's totally the opposite. Really shows how you wanted us readers to understand the relationship the two of them have. Baring in mind the girl's physicality, attitude and even her positions we can read her like a book (ironic). You let the reader have their own meaning of the story and translate the bonds and back stories in their own. The ending was epic but came fast (for me). I haven't had enough of the story yet and it really disturbed my mind. I'm guessing this was an effect that you added on purpose as looking on the other side, the story would have been boring if you didn't end the description and went onto the turning point. At the end, the readers can realize that you had put a lot of foreshadowing techniques THROUGHOUT the whole story. It's almost like a string that connects all these and finally curls at the end. If I had more chances to praise this story I WOULD. You should definitely take the win with this story (fingers crossed). I want to see you succeed and become a successful author! Keep it up! "
