Grim Reaper

Currently writing "Between Power and Heart." Favorite genre of novels are fantasy, romance, and horror. I critique stories, leave comments and reviews.

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar & Punctuation

Fix the Flow

I shared my critiques and feedback in the comments of the chapters.
I love the development of your main character's personality through the use of description.
I love how the husband and wife have a complex relationship with other and more is revealed along the story.
The flowery, purple description (especially in the first chapter) needs some adjusting as there's a lot of unintentional repetition. Also, try to find words that flow with the overall tone.
The dialogue needs reformatting with the "-" indents.
The grammar and capitalization need adjusting.
The Grammarly extension could help with those mistakes.

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Overall Rating
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Grammar & Punctuation

Beautifully Written

Each chapter of The Piano Man is so well crafted and meticulous.
The words chosen all have meaning and depth to them creating magnificent sentences.
I'm literally brimming with excitement when a new chapter is released.
This is such a must read!

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Overall Rating
Plot
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Grammar & Punctuation

Needs Editing

I love the interesting plot and how the story dives right into the action/drama. Also, the setting reminds me of "The Untamed" and "Word of Honor".
However, the chapters need some heavy rereading and editing.
Also, I would love the inclusion of more character senses in the description: smell, touch, taste, etc.
There are many time skips or perspective changes that need to be clarified.
You have a solid start so keep at it! Hope to see some improvements soon! :)

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Overall Rating
Plot
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Grammar & Punctuation

Very Well Done!

Your descriptions are very well done. This creates an almost vivid atmosphere so far.
The characters, despite the very short duration, have personality.
I'd say use darker language to mold that feeling of dread and hopelessness.
Also, "that" is used frequently (very repetitive). Restructure sentences to lessen the use of the word.
Another thing: describe the woman's feelings a little more. Really dive into her head.
Overall: Absolutely a great short story however, I need a little more! I am teased with suspension of a thriller novel, but I'm not given enough.
I believe adding more senses and emotions of the characters would be beneficial to creating a well-rounded atmosphere. Fantastic Job!

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Plot
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Grammar & Punctuation

Hilarious!

Really great faced paced, short read!
Such a chaotic mess of a story and I loved all of it!
The narrators voice and description were hilarious.
This story made a day in the life of an ordinary businessman extraordinary.

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Overall Rating
Plot
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Grammar & Punctuation

Great Job!

Fast paced, short + concise description, and engaging from start to finish.
Fits the 13+ rating with the horror factor.
The second chapter was a nice addition with a wholesome ending.
However, some of the dialogue can be awkward.
Really great job!

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Overall Rating
Plot
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Grammar & Punctuation

Just Amazing!

Three words: Immersive, Deep, and Intense.
I loved the characterization and how details were introduced and then built upon later.
Both characters' voices were engaging. Even the side characters had personalities.
The dialogue was purposeful and enlightened the reader about new information.
I'm very intrigued about the relationship between Hades and Zoe.
I literally can't wait for new chapters.
The only critique: Zoe's "scientific brain" was repeated a few times and became a little repetitive.

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar & Punctuation

Emotions and Complexity!

Likes:
The mother-daughter relationship is adorable
The world seems interesting
The grammar has improved
The author listens to feedback

Dislikes:
There still needs a bit more worldbuilding
Break up the walls of text
Try not to exposition dump, weave the details throughout the chapters
Try not to repeat information especially about characters
Build up the main character more!

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Overall Rating
Plot
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Grammar & Punctuation

Realistic and Cute

Every character in this story feels tangible, complex, and three dimensional. The narration and self-analysis have a great combination of emotions.
Elsea's character is so intriguing and her relationship with Lindon is adorable. Gem is just a gem (pun intended).
There are a few easily fixable mistakes and adjustments that need to be made.
(^ o^)っ Love this so far!

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar & Punctuation

Interesting

The introduction is very interesting, and I'd love to get more of that.
Very faced paced start and that does pull me in and make me want to read more.
The excerpt does what it needs to and teases the reader about plot lines that will happen.
I like Ariadne's character because she has the most personality and complexity so far.
Content wise: Not my style. If you're into smut/erotica this excerpt and book would be for you!

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar & Punctuation

Amazing Potential!

Loved the character interactions with each other and narrator's voices.
Most of my feedback has been provided in the chapter comments.
Break up walls of text and use Grammarly to help with grammatical, spelling, and tense errors.
Edit out repetition by using different adjectives or rewriting lines with more impactful words.
USE MORE SENSES! Using numerous senses really gets readers involved. Providing what character's smell, hear and touch can improve reader immersion massively.
Try to keep words like "is, was, feel, look, began" to a minimum.
I also struggle to keep these tips in mind, but the more you try the easier it will be to use in future. Good luck!

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Grammar & Punctuation

Perfect!

Everything about this book was perfect. This story was short and on point. The tone of story emulated self-help books down to the smallest detail. Loved the parody of the self-help 'genre' because it was so well done and hilarious. The advice even sounded helpful. If I ever discover a time machine (because there's absolutely no way for me to build one myself) I'll use your advice. Thank you! (•ᴗ• )

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Grammar & Punctuation

Amazing Start!

Very helpful disclaimers and glossary to help read the novel.
First chapter starts out strong and shows the competitive dynamic of the figure skating world.
Second chapter reveal more personality of the characters and their relationships with Victoria.
Introduces one of the main conflicts that Victoria would deal with along the novel.
Amazing descriptions and balance between action and dialogue.
Some dialogue punctuation needs fixing, but they do not take away from the story in the slightest.
Really amazing start!

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar & Punctuation

So Engaging!

The story starts off right into the action.
The narrator's voice is interesting and distinct.
There are immersive and thorough descriptions that includes multiple senses.
Love the mother-son relationship. Love the balance of narrator thoughts, emotions, and world building.
Everything about this is so engaging to read even the dialogue. I need more chapters, immediately!

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Plot
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Grammar & Punctuation

Delivers Every Time!

Such a simple and wholesome short story with a positive message. Loved it!

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