Achilles Come Down

LOOK PERCY JACKSON didn’t ask to be a demigod if it was up to him. He’d have nothing to do with the demigod world. The only good thing that came from the demigod world was his friends, Annabeth and Grover and Camp for he finally found a place where he belonged

But he doubted he would ever find the good things again

The dread in his stomach expanded and he felt a shiver run down his spine as he wandered through the depths of Tartarus. Percy didn’t know how long he has been here -- and he doesn’t want to know because if he knew then he would lose hope that he would ever see those good things again

After all, Tartarus was a place where hope was in short supply

He felt his stomach drop and twist leaving him to nearly throw up at the horrid sights he had seen and the horrible sights that he would continue to see until he would finally find a way out of this literal hell hole and back to normal civilisation ...

Well as normal as a seventeen-year-old demigod who has control over water could be anyway.

Flashes of honey gold hair and steel grey eyes enter Percy’s mind unbiddenly and he blinked several times through heavy eyelids. He was so tired and the visions of those he left behind were so alluring and he nearly stopped fighting several times and gave in to the vision

A growl emitted from his stomach and Percy had to stop for a minute as the world began to sway beneath his feet and his head began to feel like a jackhammer slamming against his skull. The boy was incredibly weak and just wanted to rest however he pushed himself to keep going, pushing aside the thoughts of his girlfriend because she wasn’t in here with him, she was safe

She was safe

He had managed to get to her in time and that was enough

That’s all that mattered to him anyway

He was going to survive down for as long as he could, Percy vowed, but if he didn’t make it and succumbed to the madness that threatened to overtake him or monsters that would happily tear him limb from limb then he didn’t mind as long as everyone else was safe and had a chance at saving the world

He didn’t want to live anymore

The world swayed beneath his feet and he staggered forward, falling to his knees in desperation. A shudder crawled up and down his spine as he let out a single sob. Using his forearms to keep him upright, they buckled under the pressure much like his mortal body is breaking under the confines of the bowels of Tartarus

After a few minutes, he eventually collected himself and stumbled back to his feet using his surroundings to help him, the green-eyed demigod panted for a moment before he made his way deeper into the heart of Tartarus hoping to find some water

But before he could go much further, a Fury appeared it’s talons sharp and leathery features seeming all the more stretched and taut down here, it’s leather whip held in a hand it’s talons wrapped around it securely

“Ahh, Percy Jackson you finally found yourself down here” It hissed -- Percy didn’t know which one and didn’t care to remember either, the only reason he was still standing upright was adrenaline -- as it tilted its head and spread its leathery wings “What did you do to earn a one-way ticket to hell? Piss off the gods so much they smote you and sent you down here to rot for all eternity?”

“No, but I’m pretty sure they would like that, wouldn’t they?” Percy mumbled, acid and venom spewing from his tongue. He so hated the Gods for putting him in this position, for having to sacrifice himself to save the girl he loved which he would do so over and over again in a heartbeat if it meant she didn’t have to suffer how he was

The Fury started laughing but it soon turned to shrieks as the Fury withered in pain before exploding into gold dust, and Percy confusedly looked around wondering who had saved him...and why? But upon seeing no one his eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he looked down at himself to notice his fists clenched and his body shaking with rage and it was only then that he realised what he had done...He had done that.

How he didn’t know when he hadn’t even touched the creature?

Percy didn’t know

But he knew he had done that, and a part of him was terrified about that but a much bigger part of him was enthralled with it, the fact that he had managed to kill a monster without touching it made him feel powerful and he knew right then he had a chance of survival since he could kill things without even touching them

His newfound ability made things a lot easier as he made his way closer to the heart to Tartarus, any monster that stood in his way or wanted to kill him quickly turned to dust so that by the time he was close to the heart of Tartarus

Nothing was holding him back now and he must admit that did scare him because if the Gods found out how powerful he was maybe he would be smited for real this time and the Gods wouldn’t just talk about smiting him as they have at every solstice when he found out that he was a demigod at the age of twelve and then he would never get to leave here but hey at least it wasn’t all bad Percy bet he could at least make friends with some of the monsters he hadn’t killed yet

Arriving at the River Phlegethon, Percy was weak exhausted and dehydrated feeling like had walked for a thousand years without a break the young demigod collapsed next to it, he knew he needed to drink from it as he had heard from Annabeth during the times she rambled and thought he wasn’t listening when in fact he was that the River itself had healing properties and as Percy was on the brink of collapse and felt like he no other choice he had to drink from it

Wondering for a minute how the Hades Percy was supposed to drink fire, he slowly crawled to the edge of the river, every muscle with him screaming out for some kind of release but he pushed on driven by the desire to get home and to Annabeth though at this point they may have been the same thing he couldn’t quite be sure

Without thinking (because hey when Percy does think he gets in the same amount of trouble as when he doesn’t) the green-eyed demigod plunges his head into the water he takes a few gulps of it, and almost instantly the fire burns the back of his throat and he starts to shake as he lets out a bloodcurdling scream which allows even more water to rush into his throat making him gag and deciding he can’t take it anymore Percy pulls back to see the boils and cuts on his skin start to heal themselves just like they when Percy was around water (when he wasn’t in hell)

That was disgusting Percy thought as he recoiled at the taste

But he was healed and no longer feeling like he was slowly dying from dehydration and to Percy that was all that mattered as he crawled back and propped himself up, where he thought it to be the safest and shut his eyes memories of his years at Camp Half-Blood playing behind his lidded eyes

* * * * *

After drinking water from the River Phlegethon, Percy felt a little more energised but he was at no means strong enough to try and attempt to get out of this place, even know his heart knows that he wanted to be in Camp Half-Blood with Annabeth, his head was there screaming at him that there was no way out of here -- no matter how hard he tried

But with the little hope he still had, he had to try

With staggering steps as he tried to get up from his resting place, the young demigod ended up losing his balance his muscles screaming in pain and Percy ended up falling to his knees his stomach growling like a beast and echoing around the room, and wonder he felt so lightheaded, it was because he hadn’t eaten in a week all the time that he had been in a literal hell

Pain crept in his bones as he clenched his jaw and fisted his hands at the side of his body. His body was shaking from its foundations with pain and anger. He didn’t know what to do, how he was expected to get out of this and once again become the saviour of Olympus

He was so angry at the world and the Gods, for the first time in a long time he could actually see where Luke was coming from and not just the fragments he had pieced together throughout the years, Luke didn’t want to overthrow the Gods, at least not at first ( then he was manipulated by Kronos and there was little Percy could do about it )

Percy was angry. Why must the Gods and Fates have it in for him? It didn’t seem fair, but he would gladly take the punishment of a thousand Gods if it meant keeping those he loved safe. He would take Atlas’s place and hold the sky for eternity if it meant that Annabeth, Grover, the rest of the seven or his cousins would never feel an ounce of pain

Wandering through the pits of Tartarus, every step felt like ten and every ten steps felt like he was walking on a bed of needles. Luckily through his wanderings, he was able to find allies in Iaputus ‘Bob’, the friendly titan who had forgotten who he was and with every step, he remembered a little bit more of his life and who he was and it put Percy on edge. Would Bob eventually turn on him and refuse to help the poor demigod? Percy didn’t know, he liked this newly formed titan, who had become the only friend he had down here and he would hate to have to stick Riptide in him if he tried to cause any harm to Percy

“You wiped my memories!” Iaputus cried, looking betrayed

Percy turned back around, he knew if they were to stay here too long they would mostly get eaten by monsters especially because Percy didn’t really have any weapons ( apart from blood bending but he was too tired to do that and drain even more energy ) “We really need to go, or you can help, you have a weapon! You can kill them”

The pleading of the demigod son of Poseidon didn’t seem to move Bob in the way Percy hoped it would and Bob hesitated in helping Percy escape and he ended up getting attacked and hurt, blood gushed from the multiple wounds on his body, not to mention the fact that he couldn’t really see anything at all and Percy struggled to his feet still attempting to battle the spirits, faceplanting the ground more than once and that was one more than Percy cared to admit, monsters swarmed around getting ready to sink their teeth into their snack and Percy gave a resigned sigh as he started to think about Annabeth. If this was how he was going to die, then he wanted his last thoughts about her

He didn’t know he was dissolving until he noticed his hand disappeared. This was Phineas’s doing. It had to be, he always said he would get revenge on Percy for tricking him into drinking the poisoned gorgon’s blood. It had to be

Suddenly he felt himself being lifted from the ground and in a blind ( ha the irony ) panic, he lashed out but he only heard Bob give a low chuckle “Relax Percy you are safe now. We’re going to get you healed and then we’re getting out of here”

“B-But why help me?”

“I realised who my true friends were. I’m sorry”

“N-No it’s fine Bob. Thank you, if it wasn’t for you I’d be dead”

Shortly after they arrived at Damason’s hut who quickly healed the young demigod of his blindness which caused Percy to be able to see again and realise that it was a giant that helped him. With a quick thank you and a weak smile in the direction of the giant he set off with the friendly titan again towards the Mansion of Night, as that’s where he was told to go

Fatigue and pain walked with him, they had become Percy’s friends throughout the endless days of torture and monster attacks even though he had drunk from the River Phlegethon so that he could handle everything that the hell threw at him. Pain and Fatigue were always with him, messing with his head and crippling his body to the point where he was sure he was going to die if he took another step, they became reliable people who Percy could turn to when things got too tough for him to handle, like a comfort blanket you give a baby fatigue and pain were there for him

But it wasn’t over yet. It was then that Percy realised that even if got out of there pieces of Tartarus would always be with him, even when everything else became nothing more than a twisted memory. He would always remember this.

Tartarus had attacked him in physical form as the Death Mist disappeared along with a hoard of other monsters and not for the first time since arriving here Percy wondered whether he would actually make it out of here. He wouldn’t fight his fate anymore, he only wished that Annabeth and the others were safe and they could stop the rise of Gaia without him

Bob though shielded Percy telling him he was going to make it home and to the Doors of Death as he blocked monsters, killing as many as he could that even came close to Percy. He made Percy promise one thing though

“Tell the stars, I say hello”

Percy nodded wiping back tears as he limped to the elevator that was appropriately named the doors of death and as he turned back and watched as the door closed he could see Bob clammer to the ground, the brave and friendly titan had given his life to protect Percy

Because of that Percy was going home, but would he ever be the same?

* * * * *

If you like piña coladas

And gettin’ caught in the rain

If you’re not into yoga

If you have half a brain

If you like makin’ love at midnight

He was going home

That was the thought running through his head. The only thought that his brain could process right now. He didn’t know how long it had been and he didn’t care, all that mattered was the fact he was going home and a mixture of relief and guilt settled in his chest as he tried to ignore the obnoxious song.

Percy sighed, a mixture of a sob and a sigh coming out of his mouth as the elevator went up and he let the song that played in the elevator go over his head. He was out. Bob had sacrificed himself by holding the button for twelve minutes in order for Percy to get up in the elevator around it while he cut the chains while fighting the monsters and just as he got into the elevator he saw Bob sacrifice himself

How many more people were going to sacrifice themselves for the boy?

War and grief went hand in hand; bonded by a fickle marriage that always seemed to be on the edge of teetering into chaos like an unbalanced sword. A nameless face and soulless eyes, behind them, that Percy has stared into many times and yet war and grief refuse to take him, instead, they passed on every offer the selfless boy has given then and instead fed on his friends, family and loved ones

Even now when he was supposed to die: War and grief decide to spare him, whether it was out of pity or mockery Percy wasn’t quite sure and he decided it probably wasn’t the best time to ask...He didn’t want to give Fate a reason for his life to get even worse

The elevator jerked and Percy fell forward having to catch himself as he stared out at the muted grey colour and made out of Styrian Iron, but soon after the elevator jerked it came to a stop making Percy’s stomach twist and crow as he sucked in a breath, he didn’t know where the doors of death were going to put him, how the Hades was he going to make it back to camp or the Argo II

Luckily (though Percy didn’t really believe in luck anymore because how can he) Annabeth, Piper and most of the rest of the seven were there waiting for him.

Horror and shock mixed on their features to create the perfect blend of disturbance, and arms were suddenly wrapped around his body tightly. Pain flared in his chest and limbs that were moulded from lead but he did not comment other than sucking in a sharp breath, just happy to have his girlfriend back in his arms and safe

Tears soaked his torn clothes but Percy paid them no mind and as his shaking hands reached up to touch Annabeth’s back for a second he thought that this was an illusion and none of this was real. He didn’t get out and somehow died down there and this was just his mind playing a wicked trick on him. That if he opened his eyes, all of this would disappear but he found his hand making solid contact with her back and a stab of emotion hit him

She was real. This was real and that made Percy stifle a sob

* * *

A knife ran along Percy’s neck and his breath hitched as it drew blood, the scream trapped in his throat. It would do no good if he was to scream anyway, nobody was around to hear him scream and it would probably make the torture worse

His eyes cast downwards, looking at all his other wounds, his ribs had been shifted most likely dislocated or broken if the stabbing pain in his chest were anything to go by also every time he breathed his lungs seem to shift up making it even harder for him to breathe

“You ready for some more?” A voice hissed in his direction--

Percy bolted upright, sweat building up on his forehead and the back of the neck, his breathing irregular and he started to punch out at random things believing he was still in Tartarus. Annabeth tried to set her hand on her boyfriend’s shoulder but ended up getting a punch to the jaw

“Percy!”

“Annabeth?”

“Yeah. Are you okay there? You seemed to have grown stronger”

“I’m sorry”

Annabeth had threaded her hand through Percy’s, she hadn’t stopped with the little touches since she got him back and Percy didn’t complain, feeling the same terror that she was as if she let go they would both be ripped apart again and neither felt like they could go through that again “Don’t be. Do you want to talk about it?”

It sounded like such a simple request. To talk. But the thing was Percy didn’t know how to put into words what he was feeling, half of him felt like he wanted to scream or cry and the other part of him felt like he was going to explode like he was a ticking time bomb so instead of saying anything Percy remained silent

Sensing this Annabeth moved closer to his side and mumbled “I wish I had been there with you and then maybe you wouldn’t feel so alone”

“NO! Don’t say that, why would you say that? I’m just happy that I got to you in time, it would destroy me if I know you had to go through what I did to get back to you” And just like that Percy exploded, debris showering around him as he seemed to lose all sense of control “You don’t know what I’ve had to do...What I’ve wanted to do to survive”

He thought about how he had killed the Goddess by using her own poison against her and turning every monster into dust even if they just looked at her the wrong way ( all except the friendly giant and titan ) he thought about how he had been so weak he had thought about just ending it all. He didn’t deserve this, he didn’t deserve to be alive. To be free

“Percy you’re right. I don’t know what you endured in there I can’t possibly know but know this I will be by your side every step of the way, every flashback every nightmare, every panic attack. I will stay by your side because that’s what you deserve. You and Nico have gone through something traumatic and you need all the support you can get. That is if you allow it?” Annabeth said with a small smile as she kissed him on the forehead

He wasn’t healed and he doubted he would ever be: But it was one step closer.

* * * * *

Percy’s hands were shaking as he sucked in a breath and knocked on the door, swallowing back his guilt and nerves.

He could hear the shifting of the footsteps behind the door and he tried to hold himself together as the door opened -- it may have only been a few seconds but it felt like an eternity to the ADHD demigod who felt like he was going to throw up if he moved in the wrong way in the slightest

Sally Jackson opened the door, hand flying to her mouth to stop her horrified gasp when she saw Percy standing there as tears flowed out of her eyes, tears that she hadn’t let fall until now and Percy hung his head in shame correctly guessing that she saw he was covered in scars, scars that he got from the war and some that he got from ... down there ... he was still having a hard time coming to terms with what happened down there ... he had managed to come to terms with the fact that while he had saved Annabeth from falling with him, he also lost part of his soul

Suddenly Percy couldn’t keep upright and went weak in the knees, Sally caught him before he could get too far ( despite Percy being at least nearly a head taller than her ) and she rubs his back as she keeps muttering “My boy is back. My boy is back. My boy is back.”

Hearing footsteps Percy turned his attention to the kitchen entrance, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up but his body relaxed a little and his shoulders slumped. His stepfather took a step back and blinked in shock before he walked beside Sally and held his hand out, Percy pulled away from his mother and turned to his stepfather sticking out his hand expecting the high school teacher to shake it but was pleasantly surprised when Paul pulled him into a hug and once again melted into the touch of his stepfather

“Come sit on the sofa, we can discuss where you have been for eight months, over blue cookies” Sally ordered Percy gently and Percy nodded feeling some sort of relief that his parents weren’t as angry as they probably ought to be.

Honestly, Percy honestly thought he might have told hold his mom back from storming Olympus and tearing a new one on Hera for uprooting her baby boy from his life, -- or at least that was threatened under mumbled breathes and curses when she thought that Percy or Paul weren’t listening, even though she looked to be about eight months pregnant Percy had no doubt that she would’ve at least tried and when Percy tried to ask about what was going on there the conversation was directed back at him

“What do you want to know?” Percy sighed, looking resigned

Sally opened her mouth as if to respond but quickly closes it again because something just doesn’t seem right and looked around before coming to a swift conclusion for herself “Where’s Annabeth?”

“She um had to go back and see her family explain what’s going on” Percy explained to his mom, his green eyes darkening just a second as his mind flashed back to Tartarus but he tries to stop himself from entering a full-blown flashback, he didn’t need that now. Especially not in front of his mom

And if his Mom or Paul noticed anything was wrong, they didn’t say anything

Delving into the stories about what had happened to him over the last eight months from his quest with Frank and Hazel to reuniting with Annabeth and drinking gorgons blood to retain his memories and being raised by Lupa and the wolf pack for a while, he told her everything that he possibly could that didn’t trigger him to go into another flashback, omitting certain details here and there ( mainly about what happened in Tartarus, he didn’t even mention he had wandered its pits because he didn’t need to burden his mother with the horrors he had been through while ... down there )

“I’m sorry you had to go through that. My baby doesn’t deserve that--”

“I know mom” Percy nodded, looking tiredly at his mother as if he had heard that sentiment twenty times. When he came out of Tartarus Annabeth hadn’t let him go, holding him during his nightmares and claiming that maybe if they both went down together he would be a least a little better off but that caused Percy to snap at her properly maybe for the first time he had known her ( “NO! Don’t say that why would you say that? I’m just happy that I got to you in time, it would destroy me if I know you had to go through what I did to get back to you” ) “But what happens the next time a God comes knocking, asking me to help them. I don’t think I could go through it again”

Sally was softly weeping at this point and Paul hadn’t been able to pick up his jaw for the last fifteen minutes although Percy did notice he did occasionally take his eyes off his stepson to rub the occasional circle in his wife’s back in an attempt to calm her down “No you don’t have to do anything for them, you hear me? You don’t owe them anything and if they come knocking then you slam the door on their faces. You’ve done enough for them and you really don’t do anything for them. If they need a demigod, they can find another one, they don’t need you”

“I just need to rest for a few months and finish high school with no God problems”

Laughing Sally wiped under her eyes before standing up from the sofa and wrapping Percy in a hug once again, as she pulls back she looks at him properly seeing a broken look in his eye that no seventeen-year-old should have “Come with me to the kitchen we can make hot cocoa and while you’re there you can tell me what that tattoo is poking out from behind your t-shirt sleeve and how you got it”

* * * * *

Nightmares were getting to him

He couldn’t stay in his Cabin pacing to and fro, night after night. It was already driving him mad and so Percy grabbed a jacket, the pack of cigarettes he kept in the draw and headed out. The inky black sky reflected how he felt as he made his way to the beach

Smoke curled in his lungs and he released a breath, the smoke being released with it and back into the air before he took another drag. The cigarette rested in between his lips and forefingers and he sucked in another deep breath before he released that one too, coughing slightly at the end not having meant to take that much of a breath, but hey he hadn’t done it in a while. Not since Smelly Gabe got out of his life.

Percy sighed as he looked to the sky, Zoe Nightshade’s constellation shimmered in the sigh and he closed his eyes, he didn’t need a reminder of who he should be. Zoe thought Percy was an honourable man. Oh, how wrong she had been. Look at him now smoking and pulling away from the people that wanted to help him, he didn’t trust himself to be around them not since Tartarus and not since he killed the Goddess of misery

He thought he was healing but a few weeks after he came out from ... down there ... he started to fall into the pits of depression. The depression sucked at Percy until he only has one emotion left and then suddenly you don’t really care anymore but he didn’t want to die either. Percy was kind of stuck in this go-between that nobody really understands and all everyone wants you to do is smile!

At least Nico got it partly

He took one last drag of his cigarette before snuffing it out and putting it back into his pocket until he could find a bin because if he threw it in the ocean he and his dad would both not be happy and if he threw it in his cigarette into the sand, it was most likely the Harpies or Grover would chew him out

No one knew he was smoking again.

No one knew he smoked in the first place, he had kept that a secret from everyone. Percy didn’t know why he figured he just didn’t want to relive the memories of what Gabe did to him. The broken bottles were smashed against his skin. The bruises. Scars. Cigarettes burns, the list went on

One may ask: Why smoke if used a form of torture of Percy using the cigarettes to burn his skin, why to Percy the answer was simple, it was an act of rebellion against Gabe, something that that monster thought he was doing to hurt Percy was actually one of the one things that caused him to have some sort of release ... that and his mom’s blue cookies ... so what if he poisoned his lungs in the process?

It hadn’t been an easy road to quit either, but he had to, it wasn’t a viable option for him to run for his life while fighting monsters when he couldn’t bring himself to run four miles without feeling out of breath and so he quit cold turkey, and while he struggled for a year on and off, but finally, he managed to get rid of his cravings

He thought he wouldn’t touch another cigarette ever again

But then turmoil started within himself, and he couldn’t think straight every time he thought about closing his eyes the flashbacks were starting and he would wake up screaming and even though Annabeth tried to help him, she couldn’t get in his head and take the pain away

And so Percy pulled away and now their relationship was nearly as good as dead.

Neither one of them wanted to lose the other one, but it was hard for Percy to open up, he just didn’t want to talk about it and Annabeth kept on pushing and pushing on her quest for knowledge until Percy couldn’t take it anymore and snapped, digging in his nightstand draw he pulled out a packet of cigarettes, snuck down to the beach and lit the cigarette letting the smoke act as both a poison and a relief

“Percy?” He heard a familiar voice ask and he sighed but found himself turning around to see Nico, the small Italian boy was dressed in dark clothes, his Avatar jacket drowning him and dark purple rings were sunk around his eyes into his cheeks. He looked like he was half dead and hadn’t slept in a week

“Nico. What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same question, you know?”

“Couldn’t sleep. I just needed a break” Percy shrugs, it was the truth he couldn’t sleep but it wasn’t the whole truth. Even when he was awake, it felt like he was walking in a nightmare every time he looked he could feel the monsters bending to his will thanks to his blood-bending power, controlling the poison and turning it against a Goddess. Everything to him haunted him followed him around like a fucking shadow and he was sick of it

He couldn’t breathe. Why couldn’t he breathe? He was underwater. When did he get underwater? No, that wasn’t right he could still see the blurry images of sand. So he wasn’t underwater. He was okay, he was safe. But why didn’t he feel okay?

“Percy listen to me, okay? I need you to take a deep breath hold it in for four and let it out with the count of eight it will help get your breathing under control” Nico told him, but the voice sounded so far away like he couldn’t quite hear it

“I can’t breathe” Percy gasps out, his eyes widening in his panic

“You’re going to have to okay? I’m not going to leave you, I promise but right now I need you to take a deep breath hold it in for four and let it out with the count of eight it will help get your breathing under control” Nico explained and Percy tried to do what he was told and even though it took him longer than he thought it would. Eventually, one by one his senses came back to him and his hands didn’t have a pins and needle situation

“Thank you” He whispered out, voice low as if he was ashamed “I didn’t mean for you to see that, I didn’t want anyone to know about them. Whatever they are they make me feel weak and I don’t like feeling like that but ever since I went down there I’ve been having them more frequently and I don’t know what to do. They make me feel sucked of all emotion an--”

“Slow down Perce. I know what they are, Will told me about them after I had one in front of him I was so ashamed. I cried for hours but when I calmed down, he told me what they were: Panic attacks. Will said with all we went through it isn’t abnormal for our brains to think we’re in danger and make our bodies react in that way” Nico explains patiently

“You have them too?”

“I do” Nico nods “Me and you need to stick together. Depressed brothers in arms”

Percy let out a laugh “You’re the only one I can talk to about this, you know? Annabeth tries but she doesn’t understand what I’ve been through, what I’ve had to do, what that place has warped my mind into making me want to do”

“Oh I know, I wanted to skin Eros alive when he outed me as gay to Jason”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know I guess I was ashamed and I sort of had a crush on you”

Percy shot a puzzled look at his cousin, not understanding what he was hearing and it just confused him more “Why would anyone have a crush on me?”

“Dude, Annabeth Rachel and I were all with you that one summer. We all had crushes on you and you didn’t notice”

“Well excuse me for prioritising my life over crushes”

“Nope you’re just dense” Nico teased with a horrifying grin that chilled Percy to the bone and he curled his fingers as if he wanted Percy to give him something before speaking again “Give me one would you?”

“What?”

Nico raised an eyebrow “One of the cigarettes that you have stashed in your pocket. What are you going to deny it? You may be good at hiding it from everyone else but I saw you. I know you have a pack”

Percy grumbled fishing the cigarette packet out of his pocket and handing one over to Nico “Will’s going to kill me, you know that right? If he ever found out about this but he wouldn’t kill you because you’re his precious boyfriend”

“Dude” Nico levelled him with a look “You gonna quit?”

“Nah not right now” Percy answered, looking back up at the stars

* * * * *

After everything that has happened, Percy just wanted to quit but the Gods were always going to be rude and entitled and they would always force their problems onto innocent and untrained demigods.

Percy didn’t know whether he was lucky or not that the Gods decided to leave him alone

After his heart-to-heart with Nico on the beach a few weeks ago, he had started to feel a little better, knowing that at least if no one else got it, he had one person by his side. But he pulled away from everyone else ( not because he wanted to but because everyone wanted to know what had happened to him or try to help him and it was getting annoying ) and unfortunately his relationship with Annabeth was over, not because they wanted it to be. That was the last thing that they wanted but Percy just couldn’t open up and Annabeth being a daughter of Wisdom just tried to pry the information out of him

They remained friends but Percy didn’t have very many friends anymore

Most of the Camp avoided him like the plague, the hero that they all looked up to had fallen from grace and he just had to accept that. He was left alone to stew in his own failure and he spent most of his days inside his cabin avoiding the world outside and continuing to spiral deeper into his own mind

War and grief had always played a part in his life, even before he found out who he was and that he was supposed to save the world at the age of sixteen. He has lost many friends along the way, many that he felt were completely his fault and he could prevent there was an endless cycle. For him, war and grief had always been bonded together by a fickle marriage stirring up chaos and being his only friends when he found himself alone staring up at the ceiling

The soulless eyes of his two friends and their wicked grins that he sees every time they claim the life of another one of his friends and the way it’s boring into his soul, leaving him trapped and helpless as his mind taunts him for being so weak. For not being strong enough

And maybe he wasn’t strong enough

It was slowly breaking him and the son of Poseidon wasn’t sure whether he could recover

The ones that weren’t afraid of him like Nico Annabeth and Grover and Thalia (when she was around) would visit his cabin and tries to get him to come out, but he wouldn’t budge, his mind on a constant loop of why did he do that? And why couldn’t he do more? why couldn’t he do more? Why did he do that? Why couldn’t he do more? Why couldn’t he do more? Why did he do that? Why couldn’t he do more? Why did he do that? Why couldn’t he do more? Why did he do that?

Those questions circled his head leaving him crazy as he flops back down on his bed, staring lifelessly at the ceiling as his mind continued to buzz with questions. He didn’t know how long he had laid there, not having the energy to do much of anything but lie there and stare but his mind was alight with critiques and mocking comments and most of all those damn questions that never even seemed to give him even a minute of peace

He wasn’t aware when the door opened and in burst four people, anger over Percy not seeking help stronger than any concern they might have had for him before long go as they had been more than patient with him, giving him space and doing whatever he asked but it only further seemed to give him ammunition to push them away. His fatal flaw was loyalty they knew this and yet Tartarus had changed him in the ugliest way

“Kelp head. Get up. We need to talk” Thalia said, all nicety from her voice vanishing

“I don’t want to” Percy mumbled back

“Well too bad, look we thought you were getting better but then you backslid which I suppose is normal and so we gave you space thinking that when you were going to come back to us. Your family, when you were ready to talk again but that hasn’t happened so instead we’re coming to you” Thalia exclaimed, anger shaking her voice and Percy sits up thinking he may have to use his powers ( which probably wasn’t the best idea since he hadn’t really used his powers since he had been down there ) to control him

“I’m fine guys” Percy defends, suddenly feeling very tired

“No your not Perce, you may think your fine but this -- whatever this is -- isn’t fine,” Annabeth says, speaking to him for the first time in months, her voice is soft as she searches his face for any sign of the boy she fell in love with but all she could see was dead and lifeless eyes that stared back at her, not the eyes of the boy she fell in love with, it was like every emotion he used to feel had been sucked out of him leaving him nothing more than an empty shell “I’m sorry that I broke the promise when I said I don’t know what you endured in there I can’t possibly know but know this I will be by your side every step of the way, every flashback every nightmare, every panic attack. I will stay by your side because that’s what you deserve. But I’m back now and I’m not going to force you into a relationship I know you’re not ready for that, but I do want you to talk to us. Or at least try to”

“Y-You don’t know what it’s like though”

“But I do I was in there too and it messed me up for months and like you, I tried to push people away I told myself that nobody but you could possibly understand what I was going through but then I started opening up. Little by little every day and soon it did help to talk about things and now I’m here to tell you to get your butt in gear and talk because that’s the only thing that is really going to help. Not smoking cigarettes or trying to run away from your friends and we’re not leaving until you talk. So talk” Nico says, an edge to his voice that makes Percy believe he wasn’t one to be argued with

Percy sighed, they weren’t going to leave him alone if he didn’t talk and so he did, he talk about near enough everything, he had to take many breaks and had to stop a lot to even get his words out but everything eventually came out to the four people who had never given up on him

He wasn’t healed and he doubted he would ever be: But it was one step closer.