Fears
January 18
I keep dreaming of what I want to be afraid of
But I don’t even know anymore
My mind has slipped
I want to blame it on the pain killers being to strong
But I know I don’t take them
Everyday I drag my feet but don’t even realize
The emotional breakdown will never happen
There are no responses in my mind
Things happen and so I refuse to be the weak link
But now I barely know what crying feels like
The relief I’ve heard of
It’s all gone
My mind has stopped
I do everything right but realize I’m a robot
How did I get here?
I thought I was heeling for once but I was wrong
I know things have never been right and I always know the fall with happen but push it away
My mind
My mindset?
Both might be broken
So what am I afraid of?
It’s not being alone anymore, not after what’s happened
It’s not being forgotten because that’s my whole life
It’s not being remembered because some days that happens
It’s not death, never
It’s not a broken family because I’ve overcome that
It’s not people being blind, everyone is
It’s not pain, I live with it unknowingly
It’s not the dark, I outgrew my childhood
It’s not my body, though it haunts me
It’s not not being loved, I know the feeling well
It’s my mind
My mind takes all my thoughts at once and throws them at me
How can one be strong when your own mind is against you?
It’s her coming back
It’s me crying
It’s the way I don’t know what’s wrong
Even though it’s my own mind
God intended my mind to help me
What can I do?
It’s me…..
There’s no other answer anymore
Goodnight….See you tomorrow
