The Untold Story Of Josh

It was unlike any normal day in Richmond High School. Everyone seemed to be buzzing in excitement, whispers were heard from left to right as well as squeals were also heard from numerous students. The clatter of footsteps seemed to echo within the walls of the hallways. It seems that for whatever reason as to why everyone was being so god damn weird all of a sudden, would be because of the sudden ‘special occasion’ that was notified weeks before. Hell, even the teachers seemed pleased yet smug from the whole ordeal.

Josh scrunched his nose in displeasure. “Gosh – what the hell is happening right now?” he mumbled under his breath. ‘Surely there must be a reason to why everyone is acting so weird lately.’ Josh thought as he furrow his eyebrows in confusion. Josh briefly scanned the hallway, there was nothing out of place. But why is everyone acting as if something is already changing?

In all honesty, Josh did want to find out what the hell was happening, but his annoyance got the best of him. Ever since he enrolled here, there was no such thing as peace and quiet, it both frustrates and annoys him to no end, hearing girls – presumably sophomores – squealing and gossiping about whatever rumor or drama that recently occurred. ‘This is Richmond High School we’re talking about. Privacy was never an option.’ Josh resisted the urge to roll his eyes at everyone that came to view as he continue to roam around the hallway. Granted, Josh was never the one who listens to rumors, hell – he couldn’t care less what everyone thought about him, let alone listen to anybody talking shit about somebody else.

Although, he tried his best to not listen to what people were saying, it didn’t help his curiosity to die down. Josh bit the inside of his cheek, trying his best to find Eva amongst the group pf sophomores that seemed to roam around the busy hallway. Alas, after a couple of minutes standing alone in the middle of the hallway, Josh decided to head his first period.

Before Josh, could even walk any further, he heard his name being called. A frown started to appear on his face, as the masculine voice greeted him half-heartedly. Josh really wanted the ground to swallow him whole. Gosh. Josh really does not want to deal with him any longer.

Josh never did manage to tell anyone about his sexuality, you could say he was ‘still in the closet’ but as much as Josh wants to deny it – but he was indeed still stuck in the closet. ‘And I intend to keep it that way.’ Josh thought in determination.

“Hey Josh – you never did answer my texts.” The said masculine voice exclaimed, once he stood beside Josh. It took every ounce of will power in Josh’s body to not punch him in the face. A wry smile managed to appear on Josh’s face. “Ahh.” Josh said in fake realization. “I was busy applying for college.” Josh half lied, wanting their conversation to end as quick as possible.

Josh prides himself in telling the truth, but based on these circumstances, he forces himself to lie. As much as he wishes he could just simply punch him but he can’t, not when this was the only school willing to accept him, despite his previous problems from his old school.

Caleb’s words suddenly came into mind, the words ‘pussy-licker’ and ‘dick-wannabe’ stood out the most. Josh is once again reminded why he started to avoid and ignore Caleb in the first place. He vividly remembers how he overheard Caleb saying homophobic slurs about his cousin no less. How Caleb said how much of faggot he could be if he so much as glance towards his cousin.

‘The audacity of some people.’ Josh thought with a scoff of displeasure.

Granted, Josh was also never the one who judges people – but as a bisexual man who still haven’t come out yet. It’s these type of homophobes like him make coming out much harder than expected. ‘As if I’m planning to come out.’ Josh thought with a frown. ‘Okay. . maybe once I start college, I’ll consider coming out.’

“The whole weekend?” he pointed out with a raise eyebrow, a clear indication that he was suspicious of Josh. Josh started to blush uncontrollably, as he started to panic inwardly. “I might have been playing games.” Josh replied in a small voice. He knew lying would make him go nowhere, but he was trying his best to not seem suspicious.

‘Play it safe Josh, don’t make the same mistake as before.’

Caleb let out a small laugh, relief was evident in his eyes. His body language finally relaxing as his smile widen all of a sudden. “I really thought you were avoiding me.” He confessed with a sheepish smile. “I was wondering what I might’ve done anything wrong to you,” he added on.

This made Josh silently gulp. ‘Oh gosh – was I that obvious?’ he thought with a bite of his lips. This was why Josh hated confrontations, he could not lie to save shit. Josh guesses that he was so deep in thought, he didn’t notice Caleb looking at him in concern. “Hey now, what’s wrong? You’re biting your lip.”

That seemed to snap Josh out of his thoughts as a surprisingly quick lie, rolled to the tip of Josh’s tongue. “Yeah – I’m alright. I just remembered that I forgot to send my applications.” The moment those words left his mouth, he immediately wanted to slap himself. Even though his lie seemed convincing to some, but he just can’t help but to chastise himself. He already made the mistake of telling him that he spend most of his weekend, applying for college but to say that he forgot to send them – seemed even more suspicious.

“And you were too busy playing games to notice?” Caleb said in a teasing manner. Josh visibly relax, his muscles no longer tense as his mind was finally at ease. Josh silently heaved out a sigh of relief, a smile was slowly forming on his lips. “Well – when you put it that way.” Josh teased back.

Admittedly, Josh and Caleb cracked a smile at Josh’s answer. Both smiling like complete idiots, neither one noticing Eva standing beside them. Eva lightly nudged Josh to gather their attention, a look of confusion plastered on her face as she waited for an answer. “What are you guys smiling about?”

Despite Caleb’s homophobic slurs, all three of them were and still are friends. Granted that Josh never did have the opportunity to tell Eva about Caleb, nor did he even remotely remembers but he simply choose to turn a blind eye. It’s not like Josh doesn’t care – he does, he really does care about Eva. To put it simply; Josh was and still is a coward. He’s afraid that his secret would somehow get exposed, call him selfish and paranoid all you want but he just can’t help it.

‘I’ll tell her one day. Let’s just hope that day comes sooner than later.’

Josh could tell that Caleb was tense, his smile seemed to strain as Josh observed how his teeth grind in agitation. Was that annoyance visible in his eyes? Josh couldn’t really tell. “Eva.” Caleb acknowledged with a fake yet strained smile. This made Josh mildly confused. Sure, he did say some. . . unnecessary words about Eva, but something does not add up. Why was the atmosphere surrounding them felt so tense?

‘Something happened between them.’ Josh concluded. ‘There’s no way Josh would even remotely say anything mean about Eva – they’re best friends!’

‘But then again, he did say some homophobic slurs about Eva last week.’ Josh added with a bite of his inner cheek.

“Caleb.” Eva acknowledged back with a nod of her head. For some odd reason, it made Josh visibly shudder – whether from the tense atmosphere or Eva’s cold tone, Josh would never know. “I see that you’ve been occupying Josh’s time when he was supposed to be meeting me by his locker,” Eva added with a monotone voice.

Caleb’s eyes became as sharp as daggers, his smile as if possible became more fake and strain. “Oh – I didn’t know he had an appointment.” Caleb bitterly said, his teeth once again grinding, as his body looked tense. This made Josh raise an eyebrow at their interaction. ‘How odd,’ Josh thought.

“Ah yes. I simply didn’t know that I was in need of an appointment with my own cousin.” Eva said in a fake cheery voice, this somehow cause Caleb to scowl. His cheerful self, disappearing in a matter of seconds. “And I, also didn’t know that I wasn’t allowed to talk to my friend. Let alone need an appointment.” Caleb snapped, his mouth and nose twitched into a sneer.

“Oh well. Now you know.” Eva said finally, leaving behind no room for any arguments. Before Caleb, could even open his mouth, Eva had already drag Josh away from Caleb – presumably into another hall full of students.

Although their interaction was short and tense, Josh can’t help but notice, how forced Eva’s words were. It was as if Eva was about to spit venom, when acknowledging Caleb, and to top it all off – Josh was somehow roped into it, as if he was the monkey in the middle, awaiting for him to able to catch the ball from the players.

‘Oh joy! I’m once again involved into a situation that doesn’t even concern me.’ Josh sarcastically thought with a huff and a frown of his own.

“Ouch!” Josh exclaimed as he felt Eva’s grip tightening. Josh felt himself squirming under Eva’s grasp, as his face quickly morphed into a state like panic. His breath suddenly became limited as his mind was all over the place. “Eva! Let go!” Josh loudly exclaimed, which luckily didn’t draw attention from the other students surrounding the hall.

No matter how much Josh tried to get Eva’s attention, Eva seemed to be in a trance – a blood thirsty one at that, and that made Josh scared. “Eva?” Josh quietly muttered, scared beyond belief as he felt himself no longer squirming – no, he was shaking, in the verge of a panic attack. Josh’s vision suddenly blurry as black spots suddenly appear yet he managed to be conscious long enough for Eva to notice.

Eva seemed to notice Josh’s lack of response as she suddenly snapped out of her blood thirsty trance. “Josh!” Eva exclaimed, horrified at the sight of Josh. Josh – who was currently hyperventilating, his breaths started to become uneven and shaky. His eyes were what scared Eva the most, his eyes were suddenly filled with fear as his eyes darted all over the room – as if scanning for any danger that might be lurking around. No matter how spacious and empty the classroom appeared, Josh felt as if he was stuck in a hole and every breath he took would suddenly become scarce. Without hesitation, Eva wrapped her arms around Josh’s torso, whispering words of comfort to his ears.

“Breathe.”

Stay calm. Focus on your breathing you can do it.

“That’s it. Now count to ten.”

Don’t lose focus! Just breathe.

“Remember that I’m right here for you.”

Unclench those fingers and focus.

With a shaky breath, Josh closed his eyes as he focused on listening to Eva’s calm voice. “One.”

Take a deep breathe, and continue to focus on breathing. Good, you’re doing a great job, now calm down. Listen to Eva’s voice.

“Two,”

It’s only Eva here, no one is going to hurt us.

“Three.”

We’re safe and sound. They’re gone, they won’t hurt us anymore.

“Four,”

We’re in a completely different state remember? They won’t come for us,

“Five,”

And if they do, Eva is here to protect us. Calm down, and listen to Eva’s voice. She’ll protect us.

“Six,”

“It’s alright little one – I’m here for you,” Eva said, her tone laced with love and regret. Eva’s arms wrapped around Josh’s body as the silent cries of Josh slowly disappear. Eva clenched her fist in frustration – oh, how she hated Josh’s tormentor, the more Eva thought about them, the more agitated she became. It went to the point where her eyes no longer shed tears of pain – instead it was filled with unshed tears of frustration. How can she forget the pain and trauma Josh went through before living with her? Where had the cheerful Josh disappeared to? With one final thought, Eva began to detach herself from Josh once she was certain that his cries stopped.

Eva recalled back to the time where Josh was covered in bruises, the spark in Josh’s eyes was nowhere to be found – it was like looking at a lifeless doll. Eva forcefully stopped herself from recalling back those bitter memories.

Eva began to detach herself from Josh. Eva’s hands now resting on Josh’s shoulder blades, the muffled sounds of cries still visible on Josh’s face. “Josh. . .” Eva trailed off. “Don’t – don’t ever think that I’m not here for you. I’ll travel to the ends of the world to keep you safe.”

For whatever reason it may be, Josh chuckled as he tearfully smiled at Eva. “I know you will.” Josh replied back. “You’re the only person in this world that keeps me sane.” Josh added on. Never once did he felt reassured, loved and appreciated, over the last couple of years before their reunion was hell. He didn't know how the hell he managed to survive from his past. But one thing was certain; his cousin will always be there – through thick and thin. Josh was relieved that he was able to reunite with Eva once more.

~ ~ ~

“With all due respect Principle Brown, isn’t it unethical to call not only me, but also Josh, to your office? Especially since it’s not even lunch period yet.” Eva exclaimed, eerily calm about the whole situation. It amazes Josh how calm, Eva can be, especially given the circumstances. It was two hours before lunch period, and here they were, being called into the principle’s office. Everything was fine, except for the fact that Josh was once again close to have a panic attack.

Really, the whole situation was ridiculous. Why on earth were they called into his office for something that seemed, not only ridiculous but also unethical?

“I am fully aware of this Miss Green.” Principle Brown replied, with his hands on top of the table, his body language seemingly unapologetic. Josh tensed under his gaze, as he shuffled uncomfortably – as if trying to shrink himself invisible. “But, someone of your origin must understand the debacle I’m facing,” Principle Brown added on, his tone laced with finality.

“What debacle? It wasn’t even one in the first place. Hell, what kind of fuckin’ debacle involves sexuality?” Eva exclaimed, flabbergasted.

“And why would you drag Josh into this? Hell – it’s as if you’re assuming his sexuality.”

“Miss Green, quiet down your voice but you have to understand this. Your kind is attending here tomorrow – “

“ – just fuckin’ say it! Why the fuck are you saying ‘your kind’ – “

“ – I am uncomfortable saying the word – “

“ – just say it! Gay, the student is fuckin’ gay!”

“Miss Green!” Principle Brown shouted in shock, clearly shock at Eva’s outburst. Eva, sneered in response. The atmosphere became tense as each second passes, this made Josh shift uncomfortably. In all honesty, Eva was right. Why was she given the task to show the student around? Was it because she, herself was gay? But, wouldn’t that make him homophobic? Or was it truly homophobic or plain consideration?

“Didn’t you mention that he used to go here? Doesn’t that mean he knows his way around the school?” Eva retorted, still agitated from Principle Brown ‘statement’. Josh couldn’t help but silently agree, why would the student need a tour guide? Josh wasn’t given one, so what makes the student so special? Josh had to roam around the halls, lost out of his mind searching for his classes, but the moment an ex-student comes strolling around, he’s given special treatment. Where was the ‘tour guide’ when he recently moved schools?

Principle Brown grumbled in frustration as he messaged his forehead. His wrinkles now evident with the amount of stress, Eva was giving. “Look Miss Green,” He slowly said with finality in his tone. “I’m asking you nicely. Please show the student around the school, and to answer your question; yes, he did attend school here.” Josh couldn’t help but silently scoff at Principle Brown’s statement. Principle Brown was beating around the bush – plain and simple. He knew that the more information, he gives about the student, Eva would greatly disagree and refuse.

Honestly, it was a smart move.

At the mention of a male student, Eva couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “Great a male student,” Eva mumbled under her breath. Closing her eyes in frustration, Eva began to scoff – a clear indicator that she distastes the idea of being a tour guide. “Then why the hell do I have to show him around? Don’t you think I’m busy? Did it ever occur to you, that maybe I was busy prepping for my upcoming exams?”

“You, studying? Don’t make me laugh Miss Green.”

Well, Josh couldn’t help but silently agree. Eva wasn’t exactly a scholar – much less a good role model to her peers. Eva disliked studying, as she would rather spend her days painting a mural. Despite her not caring about her studies, Eva did manage to produce good results, her marks were just enough to get by – the perfect average student.

Eva scowled as she reluctantly agree to be a tour guide, but it came with a condition; “I can go to the art studio whenever I want, no matter the class or time.” In all honesty, it wasn’t exactly a bad condition; it was more of her prioritizing her painting than studying – but what was the point of her studying when Eva already got a full ride scholarship to an arts school?

“I’ll give you full access for a month.”

“A year –“

“– one and half months –“

“– six months –“

“– three months –“

“– five months –“

“– four months and you can bring food inside the studio,”

At the mention of free access and food, Eva couldn’t help but grin in triumph. “You got yourself a deal,”

“You may go now, Miss Green.” Principle Brown said, dismissing Eva entirely with a wave of his hand. The gesture made Eva roll her eyes as she exited his office with Josh in tow, but before he could even step foot out of the door, Principle Brown called out his name. Josh nervously gulped, his throat now felt dry – as if he swallowed sandpaper. Memories of his past school came flashing, the sounds of sirens and adults screaming at him, made him unable to move. Josh was desperately trying to keep his composure together, as tears was threatening to fall. Despite his anxiety screaming at him to get out of there, he stood his ground.

“Yes, Principle Brown?” Josh replied with a hoarse voice. It was clear that he wanted to sob – his voice was cracking the moment he opened his mouth. If anything, it made him seem like a coward, a coward who ran away before resolving his own problems.

‘You’re a coward Josh Simons,’ Josh thought. ‘A filthy dirty, coward who deserves to be punished that way.’

“Mister Simons. . . you’re a good man aren’t you?” That question left Josh on guard. What does Principle Brown mean by that? Did he knew about his past? Rationally thinking, of course he would’ve known, he’s the principle – the one in charge of accepting him to enroll in Richmond High School. Josh couldn’t help but gulp nervously, his hands slowly becoming sweaty the moment the question was asked.

“Yes, Principle Brown,” Josh said quietly, his head now hung low, unable to look at him in the eyes.

“Tomorrow, when the student comes in. . . I want you to avoid talking to him,”

Josh was now looking at Principle Brown with a look of confusion, “I’m sorry for asking sir, but why? Eva would undoubtedly drag me with her,” Josh admitted. He was confused, why was he being excluded? Did Principle Brown know of his sexuality? Was that why? The way Principle Brown says it; seems to imply that he’s a predator. A predator that’s unable to control his urges.

“The student is . . .” Principle Brown trailed off, unable to say the word ‘gay’. The way Principle Brown was reluctant to say ‘gay’ made Josh question society’s ignorance. Principle Brown didn’t seem like a person who would be homophobic – but then again, you can’t judge a book by its cover. Simply judging someone from their outer exterior, seems shallow and naïve – a mistake that Josh vows to not do again.

There was a slight pause, as Josh pretends to not understand Principle Brown’s hesitation. Josh knows, what Principle Brown is trailing off to, but he just can’t seem to understand as to why, Principle Brown can’t say the word ‘gay’. Gay wasn’t even taboo, hell it’s just a word, but why was he to hesitant? In a way, didn’t gay mean ‘happy’?

“Gay?” Josh can’t help but chimed in, slightly feeling uncomfortable due to the awkward pause.

Principle Brown nodded his head, as he still refuse to say the word. “Since he came from a very open school before transferring back here, I’m afraid he still can’t control himself,” he admitted, his gazing never leaving Josh. Principle Brown’s gaze, feels like it was insinuating something – something that Josh has yet to pin point.

Josh slightly tilted his head to the left in confusion, his eyes now focusing on Principle Brown. Does that mean the principle was implying that the student was a predator, and not him? Or was he insinuating that gay people can’t control their urges? Whatever it was, it was certainly suspicious.

“With all due respect sir, how does that concern me?”

There was a long pause, Principle Brown looked lost in thought – presumably trying to find a suitable answer for Josh’s question. His lips were pressed into a thin line, humming lightly. It made Josh wonder, if his question was truly that hard to answer. “To put it simply; you can’t be around him for the time being,” was the only answer Principle Brown gave to Josh.

In hindsight, it sounded like bullshit, because why the hell would the principle tell Josh to not interact with a student? A male gay student nonetheless. Was this town truly homophobic despite Eva’s reassurance? Caleb had very much proven Josh wrong on that part, but to this extent? Something was suspicious that’s for sure.

Before Josh could even muster a response, the school bell rag, indicating that his next class was about to occur. Josh quickly said goodbyes and left the room, unknowingly agreeing to Principle Brown’s odd request.