Horror in London

~ Key: y/n=your name

warnings:Dark humor,lots of swears ~

World War III has started. Canada is winning the war and it’s all going downhill from here. Biden lost the nuclear codes. Today, Clint and I decided to book a plane to go to Australia. The date currently is July 2nd. In 2 days, we are leaving for our flight. Not sure why we decided to leave on the 4rth of July, but screw America. Let’s just hope the fireworks won’t force us to cancel our flight, delay it, or knock it out of the air. Totally not foreshadowing. I can already see it on the news, “Hello, this is ABCDEFG news. Today’s news isn’t as bright as our light pollution. Plane 234478 has been shot down out of the sky and landed in Chief Umtuch middle school, killing 278 kids in the process. This is anchor Jim Moriarty signing out.”

What a funny way to end our adventure. Or at least, what could’ve been an adventure. It’s currently 11:00pm and Clint already went to sleep 2 hours earlier. I ended up falling asleep to an episode of the Walking Dead. I woke up to Clint screaming the song “Uh Oh” once you could see the sun over the horizon . “What song is this?” I asked myself. I thought it was my alarm at first so I rolled over in my bed to shut it up only to fall out of bed with a loud thud. “ damn it!” I yelled, “that hurt like hell!” “Y/N , you alright?” Clint asked me as he ran into my room and tried to help me back onto my feet.” “Yeah Clint”, I responded, “I’m feeling just peachy.” I rejected his offer to help me up and go back onto my feet myself. I threw my alarm clock soon after and went to the kitchen to make myself some eggs.

“Clint, would you like anything to drink while I’m making food?” “Oh, hot chocolate would be nice”, Clint said as he was attempting to fix my alarm clock. “Alright, then make it yourself. Also, your eggs are done.” I said to Clint as he gave me the stink eye. I set our plates down and put his food on the table. I sat at the counter and dipped my toast into my eggs. I ended up finishing before Jacob since he had to make his hot chocolate at such a short notice. With my extra time, I decided to finish packing whatever was left in the apartment and threw some stuff at the homeless people living in the alleyway behind our window. This took me about an hour and a half which ended up leaving us with 2-3 boxes of random items I was too lazy to organize such as sketchbooks and old pictures from primary school. There were even some old chicken nuggets which I decided to put to good use.

By good use, I mean throwing them all at the homeless people and hiding some in the apartment for the landlord to find once we left. “Y/N ”, Clint said to me. “Yeah?” I responded. “What the hell are you doing?” “Painting. What the fuck does it look like?” I asked him. Clint responded, “I don’t know. Why do you think I’m asking you? damn sociopath.” “Ouch, that hurt a little…” I said. Jacob quickly snapped back, “Y/N you can’t trick me with your little act. We both know I didn’t actually hurt your feelings since you obviously don’t have any.” “I suppose that’s true to some extent.” I told him. “And, to answer your idiotic question, I’m hiding some old chicken nuggets around for our landlord Mr. Malcolm to find. That is if he does. If my plan goes right, the place will smell for years to come.” “I’d say that’s messed up”, Jacob said, “but I really hate that guy. Remember when he told us to take down our Christmas Tree because the lights on it were blinding the cars driving on the nearby roads?” “I remember that.” I told him. He kept going on, “What an ass. Just because we almost killed a couple and their newly born baby doesn’t mean we can’t spread some holiday cheer.” I gave him an evil smirk and he seemed to understand what I was thinking.

“No, Y/N.” Clint said, “you cannot kill the guy. We’ve already talked about it, and you’ve already attempted and failed. You’re lucky I have a friend who works at the Barber shop. Otherwise, it could’ve been your hair found on that almost gruesome crime scene.” “I don’t need your help”, I told him, “I’m a detective. I know how to hide the evidence.” “Oh yeah” he said in disbelief. “Then explain it to me, why don’t you?” I responded without hesitation, “well Clint, first I would go into the Johnson’s apartment since I’ve overheard Mr and Mrs. Johnson talked about some past event that happened when they were out. Apparently Mr. Johnson lost his key before so in case that’d happen again, Ms. Johnson made a spare key and they talked about what would be a good place to hide it. That’s why they have potted plants in front of their apartment door. Then, while they were away. I would grab one of their knives and sneak into Mr. Malcolm’s apartment. Then when I’m close enough to him, before he knows it. The knife would have already entered the Trachea. Then, I’d wipe the place of any prints I might have left behind and sweep the place to make sure that nothing I wore had fallen off to collect my hair and skin follicles. Then when the police would come and question any nearby neighbors. I would use my sociopathic attributes and amazing acting skills to come up with believable but not obvious lies. Then, I’d start asking the police questions. After a while, I’m sure they will leave.” Clint replied, “Wow. You really thought all that through, haven’t you Y/N ?” “Of course I did.” I responded, “Anyways, what do you want to do with these extra boxes? The boxes need to leave before we leave.” Clint answered, “oh, let’s give them awa-” I cut him off before he finished, “I know! Let’s either give them to the St. Mary’s children hospital or throw them in the trash. Either way, they’re getting thrown away.” “Damn”, Clint replied, “that went to 0-100 real quickly. I suppose we should give them to the children’s hospital.” “ Alright,” I said, “when we deliver them, I can slightly tease them for whatever condition they’re there for.” I responded followed by a snicker. “Y/N!” Clint exclaimed, “That’s terrible!” “Oh”, I said, “did I say that outloud? “Yeah. You did” Jacob said, still trying to comprehend why I’d say such a sick thing. “Not like it’s my fault they got cancer, they should’ve gotten a better immune system.” I replied.

After that boringly long argument, we both grabbed some of the boxes and told Mr. Malcolm we would be back. We called a taxi . When we got to the hospital, we made our way down the hall to drop off some boxes. Clint was talking to the nurse and filling out the paperwork so we can leave this useless shit behind us. I was looking through the doors and into the rooms (totally not invading people’s property) when something, or someone caught my eye. I only had to take a single look and I already knew who it was. An old friend of mine, Wyatt. After stealing some paperwork from the counter where the nurse was (while not getting caught) I learned he was in here for stage 1 cancer. Turns out, he’s had it since his senior year of High School. He got fired from Disney since he became ugly and bald due to the chemo and scared all the kids. Sadly enough, he noticed me. “Y/L/N? Is that you?” Wyatt said, a surprised yet cheerful look on his face. “Ohh, Wyatt. What a funny coincidence.” I said, trying to keep a happy act on however, it was pretty hard not calling him Mr. Clean. “Not bad actually. I’ve been doing chemotherapy and I’m slowly but surely, winning the fight against cancer.” Wyatt responded. I can’t really believe him too much. I’m pretty sure that he’s been doing much better for a while and he’s just shaving his head to attract attention to himself.

“So Wyatt, are you still only he-” I was then cut off by Clint since he jabbed me right in the ribs with his elbow. “Ow!” I exclaimed, “you little fuc-” I was interrupted again by a follow up jab in the ribs. “Y/N, this is a children’s hospital!” Clint stated as I tried to stand up straight. Then, of course like anyone else would do. I smacked Clint in the back of the head. A quick yet satisfying way of getting revenge. I turned to Wyatt and said, “well Wyatt, we better get going. We don’t wanna disturb you.” Wyatt replied a bit and said, “alright… I’ll see you around Y/N.” Then me and Clint grabbed some fast food and headed back to the apartment for a final meal. We ended up spending most of the day watching Dr. Phil. “Hey Y/N”, Clint said to me, “we should probably head off to bed. We have our flight to Australia tomorrow and we need to leave by 6:00PM. And we both know you’ll sleep until 3 in the afternoon since you’re sleep deprived. “Dude, it’s like only 6:35.” I said, “there’s no reason why I should go to bed right now. “No it’s not”, Clint replied with visible confusion, “it’s 10:56PM. “ “Holy shit! It’s already that late?” I exclaimed, incredibly surprised. “Yeah, it is already that late, can’t you read the numbers?” Clint replied. “Shut up, you ass.” I replied, trying to sound a bit hurt. “Let’s just remember who gets a full night of sleep here and who doesn’t.” Clint replied, “alright, calm down now.” “Fine, I’m going to bed now.” I replied. “Good night!” Jacob said enthusiastically.

And just like Clint said, I woke up right at 3:00pm. “Good afternoon Jacob!” I said I was full of energy. “Dude”, Clint said irritatedly, “I tried waking you up 3 times already.” “Oh?” I said acting surprised. “That’s funny but I don’t recall that. “I’m sure you don’t”, Clint said sarcastically. I replied a bit proud, “we both know once I fall asleep that there’s no point in trying to wake me up.” “Whatever, what time is the flight?” Clint responded. “7:00 but we should leave around 6:00 just so we can be a bit early.” I said. “Alright, now leave so I can get dressed ”I said to Jacob. And with that, Clint left and I was able to change into a pair of tailored suit suits with a purple button up shirt. I then proceeded to walk out of my room and head to the bathroom to brush my hair and teeth. Afterwards, I went into the living room and sat in the only chair which we were too lazy to pack. And technically, it wasn’t ours. I stole it from the Johnsons.

“Clint?” I called out. “Yeah?” He called back from his room. “I want my violin.” I said to him, “why?” he responded confused. “Because I’m bored.” I told him. “It’s already in one of the boxes, just watch some television.” Clint said to me, walking out of his room in casual clothing. I whined, “but I don’t want to.” “Stop being a pain Y/N, we’re leaving in a few hours anyway” he said, this time a bit annoyed. “Fine.” I said, trying to sound upset, “I’m going to double check the tickets.” I took my phone out of my pocket to check our tickets and if our destination was correct. “Uhm, Clint…” I said quietly. “Yeah?” Clint said to me. “Oh god, what did you do?” “We might have to change our plans…” I said to him, followed by a worried chuckle. “Why?” Clint said to me, almost ready to get upset and yell. “We’re not going to Australia. We’re going to London”, I said. “Y/N. Don’t tell me you bought the wrong tickets.” Clint said with a louder voice than before. “Okay, we bought the “right” tickets.” I said with air quotes while saying the word right. “Y/N, right now isn’t really the time to act smart with me.” Clint said. “Sorry not sorry, I can’t help it.” I responded. “Yes you can. God damn it, I really wanted an Aussie accent” Clint responded all whiny. A quick change of tone. “You can have a British one?” I told him. After bickering back and forth for a while, we ended up grabbing one last meal at our favorite fast food place, KFB (Kentucky Fried Babies). We ate inside the place and called a Taxi when we were finished. “And where are you two headed to?” The driver asked when he pulled over to us. “Airport please”, Clint responded.

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~ and look at that done with the first chapter.

man i need a nickname for you guys

get ready for back to back chapters

luv Jimithy~