I feel my arm being pulled by my friend. I feel weary yet he seems to be getting more excited with each passing second.
“Just wait, I promise the sight will be dazzling!”
I nod silently, far too groggy from lack of sleep to argue. I trudge up the hill further clutching my clothes towards me to shield from the biting winds.
“Whenever I find life’s getting dull, this always shows me how vibrant the world truly can be!”
God, I wish I was as simple as he. How can someone just ‘feel better’ after seeing some stupid sunrise. I hate…how envious I am of him. His ability to feel…
“Seeing my first sunrise was what drew me to painting”
He likes splashing colors onto blank canvases, huh. Guess that’s why he’s trying to help the blank boring person that is me. I almost laugh at my unfunny joke but can’t bring myself to do so.
I wouldn’t say I’m not thankful that he cares for me, yet I highly doubt anything he says will really help me. I feel the crunch of leaves under my feet.
“We’re almost there, hurry!”
He ran ahead, I tried to pick up my pace. How on earth wasn’t he breathless?
As the distance grew farther, I dropped to a snails pace to be with my thoughts.
Painting, huh. I tried my hand at it a few times but never really felt a spark. I’d say I was fairly decent but all my instructors would simply tell me it lacked “soul”.
What in hell do these pretentious people mean by ‘soul’. I want to know what was wrong and what to improve yet all you tell me is that it’s empty?!
I catch my breath and try to calm my thoughts.
I stare at the trailed of crushed orange leaves that made my friend’s path.
I wondered why he was so excited about a sunrise anyways. They’re not even real. The rise we see is a byproduct of refraction of light. Our sun ‘rises’ minutes later.
I finally reach the top and I can tell I’ve just made it in time. He excitedly points to the horizon and I watch expectantly.
The blue shadows of the hills and trees mix together and coagulate as the deafening silence of nature meets our ears.
And I can’t help but hold my breath in anticipation.
I watch as the sun rises expectantly.
I stare
I stare more
I feel disappointed realizing that that was it.
Honestly, what did I expect. Something dramatic? Something to permanently make me feel happy or energetic?
I turned to my friend to ask him if we could go when I saw the sparkle in his eyes.
“That was amazing right?”
“The way the golden hue burst through the sky”
“The way it soared behind the clouds”
He turns those eyes towards me and and asks if it was all I thought it’d be.
I almost revel in crushing that look in his eyes and showing him my despair is far worse than his if he can feel better by some thing as trivial as thins. Almost
I make my cheeks tighten, and force my lips to stretch back and slight upwards before speaking.
“Yeah, it really was amazing ”
Why did I lie
The dazzling sight felt so dull
Yet as I saw the relief spread to his face, I felt warm inside.
He was worried about me.
Even if I feel like this inside, I’m privileged to have people care for me.
As I saw the smile of someone I cared about, I realized he truly was right in a way.
I did see the most dazzling vibrant sight possible then.
