World vs Universe
The door closed with a sound that in video games would have been used to signal the end of all things. No sequels, no add-ons, no paid extensions, no nothing. This was it, this was the end and if you are looking for more well than it sucks to be you.
He cursed under his breath, while she chuckled as usual. At this point it had become a well-loved ritual that he just couldn’t for the life of him remember to hold onto the door. The theft protection door was actually meant to close on its own but the deafening gates of hell experience that came with it seemed a little overkill. She regularly teased him for it especially since she never or least very rarely forgot that particular fact.
He turned around and looked at her. She had a witty remark already on her tongue but when she saw his face she almost choked on it. There were a myriad of emotions written plainly on his face, all struggling to take the lead. After a painstakingly hard swallow she managed to raise her voice:
“What is it, love?” She was seriously concerned, he looked positively miserable.
He struggled with his words for a moment, opening and closing his mouth again and again.
“I’m sorry for talking so little with you tonight.” he finally settled on.
“What?” not the most intelligent follow up but she was honestly dumbstruck. While she looked at him in bewilderment she let the evening play out inside her mind once more.
He had been invited to a work event. One of those gatherings where you are supposed to socialize and network, see and be seen and all that fun fun stuff. He hadn’t really been keen on it but he also understood that it was important to attend happenings like that especially considering he had just entered this company and was just slowly starting to settle into his position. Still upon seeing he was allowed a plus one on his invitation he had immediately texted her if she would like to accompany him. Later when they had met up that same day he had been slightly embarrassed, telling her that she didn’t have to do that and that it would probably be super boring and yada yada yada. She had just laughed and ensured him that she’d like nothing more than to support him by being his companion. She had actually been elated that his default immediately had been her.
“Are you sure?” he had asked plain doubt still written all over his face. She had seen this look countless times by now. He was worried, as usual, that he took up too much of her time. That he made her do things she didn’t want to, that he bored her and other things that just seemed ludicrous to her. She had looked into his eyes for a few seconds, making sure he actually believed her, then put her arms around him and simply had said:
“I am sure.” Then she had kissed him and after he jokingly asked at least 5 times if she was really sure, and her not so jokingly biting his lower lip a little too hard as an answer they had continued in a different manner.
A week later the evening in question had arrived and although it was nothing incredibly formal they had both dressed up a little and set off in a very good mood. Both of them had been a tad nervous, each for their own reasons but the general excitement had outweighed that. He for one had been slightly uneasy about being too shy and having difficulties with striking up conversations, which she heavily disagreed with. He was so certain that he wasn’t good at that, that he was too much of an introvert and wouldn’t know what to say or do. She honestly thought him crazy the first time he told her that because to her he was the complete opposite, he talked with such ease and everyone always immediately took a liking to him, making it almost impossible to actually get out of conversations again.
She had been nervous for different reasons. She was generally confident enough in herself to not overly stress about the impression she was going to make but even so she couldn’t completely shake the anxiety of messing up in some way. Would she fit with the people there? Would she make a fool of herself or even worse of him? What if she wasn’t clever or charming enough? What if they would ask themselves what he saw in her? All stupid thoughts, she was very well aware of that but those particular pesky feelings were hard to shake. Nevertheless she had been looking forward to it.
They had arrived and had both been taken aback for a moment. Yes they both knew the company was big but the venue was ridiculously huge and the amount of people was slightly intimidating. Luckily he had been spotted almost instantly by some of his closer colleagues and they had come over. It was polite chit chat of course but after the first drink the atmosphere had turned a little lighter and she had been able to tell that they really took care not to talk too much about work, trying to include her as much as possible, which she appreciated. When the topic of travel came up she was able to talk a lot and the conversation flowed naturally and with ease. A little later his co-workers excused themselves to mingle a little more which he immediately used to pull her aside and kiss her deeply, not caring about his surroundings at all. He had the habit of making her lose her common sense so it had took a her moment to gather her wits again. The he had whispered into her ear how absolutely stunning she looked and that he was so thankful to her that she agreed to accompany him. As usual she turned speechless whenever he showered her with compliments. He did that a lot, as did she, but whenever he did she could tell that he was being 100% genuine and his intensity always took her breath away. So she just whispered back the one thing that could express how she was feeling and yet seemed to fall short every time, that she loved him, wholeheartedly. He had smiled at her and his eyes had shown everything she needed to know. She had kissed him on the cheek, a little too aware of all his colleagues, especially the yet-to-get-to-know ones and quickly went to the washroom, for obvious reasons but also to cool her head a bit. When she came back he was involved in another conversation with an absolutely stunning woman. She trusted him completely so the notion of jealousy didn’t even arise one second but she was always a little apprehensive about how to join in moments like this since she didn’t want to appear like the overbearing significant other. So she had simply walked up to the delicate standing table they were occupying and announced that she wanted to get another drink and if they both wanted one as well. Introductions were quickly made and after some oh-no-you-don’t-have-to-that-no-really-it’s-fine-and-are-you-sure etiquette she went and got them a round of drinks. To her the talk had been very pleasant. Yes of course she hadn’t talked nearly as much as she did with his other colleagues but that had been because both of them had a lot of similarities that she personally didn’t share. They had been to the same University, were sharing the same research interests and even grew up in the same area. The woman was also an incredibly good talker, very lively and charming while being funny and charismatic. It was a delight to listen to her and when the topic of books came up all three of them actually had a lot to say.
After bidding goodbye to her there had been a few other conversations and more people to meet, some more drinking and some food until he had looked at her and suggested to get out of there. On the way back home she had noticed that he was being rather quiet though she knew that he sometimes just got like that because he was deep in his thoughts and she wanted him to have that time for himself. However none of all of this explained to her why he was currently worrying. And he did look extraordinarily worried.
“I just.. I..” he was really struggling. She furrowed her brows in confusion. After giving him a little more time to form his thoughts into words, he still seemed unable to express what he wanted to tell her. She slowly walked closer to him and put one hand on the side of his face, carefully caressing his cheek.
“I really didn’t have the feeling you were talking so little with me. Yes sure, it was less than usual but then it’s just us two and tonight you had to socialize so much with so many people so that was to be expected. I came with you to support you and not to keep you all to myself, though of course I would have loved to just sneakily take you away.” at the end she smiled cheekily at him and put a flurry of kisses on his face. That never failed to make him smile and also worked this time but he turned serious very quickly again. She pulled back a little to give him some more space.
“Okay love, you seem truly upset but I really need your help in understanding why.”
He continued to look at her, searching her eyes for something. She just waited, not flinching away, holding his gaze and giving him the time he needed.
“Did it feel weird to you that I talked so much with that girl?” he finally said. Oh. Now they were getting somewhere. The idea of that seemed so silly to her but she could tell how serious this was for him so she didn’t want to disgrace his question with a joke or the usual flippancy they both loved so much.
“It honestly didn’t. You had a lot in common and seemed to really get along well, so it makes a lot of sense.”
“So it didn’t feel like I didn’t pay attention to you?”
They were always completely honest with each other, which was something that he was actually better at than her, although it sometimes did lead to slightly uncomfortable topics but she had profoundly appreciated it from the start. So she gave him an honest answer.
“Well your attention was definitely more on her but as I said, that makes sense. It wasn’t like you treated me like air or did it feel like that for you?”
He was quiet for a moment and ran his hand through his hair, a sure sign for his irritation.
“I don’t know I just feel like I should have involved you more and made sure you feel comfortable. Instead I was so wrapped up in that talk. I.. It sounds so stupid but after thinking about it on the way home it seems like I failed in showing my love for you enough.”
It felt like her brows must have shot straight through the ceiling.
“So you fear that I was thinking you would enjoy her company more than mine?”
She meant for it to sound a little teasing to show him that she hadn’t felt like that at all but she could tell by his unhappy expression that he was honestly scared of that. That was him. Always overthinking things and always too worried about her feelings. She loved that he was so self-reflective and constantly tried to question and understand everything but sometimes she just wanted to take his head and drill her love for him into it. He just didn’t seem to fully understand how much she loved, trusted and felt comfortable with him. She could comprehend it to a certain degree since she was still floored that he was in love with her as well, but she didn’t worry nearly as much. Maybe that was good, maybe that was bad but for her there just wasn’t any room for doubt next to everything she was feeling for him.
“Okay, I want you to listen carefully to me now. Not once did something like that cross my mind. I know you sometimes still struggle to believe me when I tell you that I love you. And I would be lying if I said I never feel insecure. But you remember how you always tell me to not look at you like that? Because all the love you can see in my eyes makes you go crazy? I am not the only one who does that. You asked me once if I could see it in your eyes as well and I said I think I can. But tonight I actually saw it. When you looked at her I could see admiration, interest and just amazement in your eyes but when you looked at me it was so much more. It was like.. like..” she was struggling to find a good comparison for it. The feeling of seeing that in his eyes had been so overwhelming that she wanted to properly express it.
“Like the world vs the universe?” he asked in a low almost non-audible voice. A radiant smile spread across her face. He was a hopeless romantic and never too embarrassed to say the cheesiest things. She normally cringed at stuff like that so much, had always done so, but not with him. And this just now had been spot on.
“Yes, exactly like that.”
He carefully and very lightly took her hands and put a kiss on each one.
“Did you honestly feel like that? Because that is how I feel like for you. I just didn’t expect you to be able to see that.”
She shook her head slightly, still smiling.
“At this point we should both just accept the fact that we are completely insane and hopelessly in love with each other. No second guessing, doubting or uncertainties.”
Now he finally smiled that smile she loved more than anything.
“I like the sound of that my love.” he pulled her into a long kiss, making her head spin and her feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Or maybe even the whole universe.
