Needs some work

"Hello there! Since you labelled it as WIP, I wonder where you'll take the story. Is it going to be different situations each chapter? Or is it going to be a full story based on this first poem? I get the amazing feeling you were trying to deliver through this poem. Is this based on your own experience? Anyway, I think you should have been consistent with the capital letter in'God'. You wrote it in capital in some parts, but not in some. You might want to check it. Regards, Kei Angelus"